Zamzul Rizalinium : Fusion of Love and Intelligence

Kiss Me

2012-02-05T21:11:00.001+08:00

Kiss me my love,

For the last time,

Underneath the bells and chimes,

Before I go fighting,

To a war that is losing.

Kiss me my love,

Before I die,

Where I will run,

Through a field,

Where bullets fly.

Kiss me my love,

Before I die,

Before they behead me,

The guillotine stands menacing,

Tasting rosewater, after severing.

Kiss me one last time,

For Death comes calling,

To take my soul that is appalling,

Leaving my body rotting.

Kiss me for the last time,

Before the Demons drag me to Hell,

Ripping me apart,

The pain no human can tell,

Crushing my soul like a brittle shell.

Kiss me deeply,

Deep as the oceans and seas,

Soothe me with your lips,

Where I truly belong,

Before I heed the calling,

Of the Perish Song,

Don't cry for me,

For I am a sinner,

Death made me a loser,

A junkie and an abuser.

Kiss me deeply,

Kiss me true,

For in my heart,

There is only you.

So kiss me,

To shed away my sins,

For I will wait for you,

Intently,

At the arch,

Where the dead will march,

So I can those lips again,

Forever until....

THE END.

Ocean of Fire

2012-01-18T00:57:00.002+08:00

Help Me!

I am drowning,

In the Ocean of Fire,

I am burning,

I am dying,

Just to get to you,

Just for your foolish love,

Your sweet promises,

Made me this way,

Hurt, tortured,

You left me here,

To rot and decay,

Where is the love you promised?

Where is that happiness you always told me?

You blinded me,

Just to suffer for you,

I was foolish,

In trusting you,

Now, I have fallen,

In this Hell-hole,

This situation I can't control,

Drowned not only my body,

But also my heart and soul,

I have nothing to cling or to hold,

Not to your heart that is cold,

As you laughed mercilessly,

To watch me plummet to death,

With your devilish beast,

Waiting for their feast,

Breaking me to pieces,

Devouring me maliciously,

This has happened,

Just to get your love,

You are a siren,

Luring me to my demise,

Waiting for my soul,

To be wasted,

My life took a sharp turn,

My soul, incinerated,

By the fire in the ocean,

The stench of burnt meat,

Rose above the air,

I was in pain,

Burned, roasted, skewered,

All just to get your love,

I was foolish indeed,

To receive the love that I don't need,

To be the hand that bleeds,

As I swam the Ocean of Fire,

But I died trying,

To feel your passion and desire.

The Graveyard

2012-01-06T22:08:00.001+08:00

There, a land,

Filled with tombstones,

No human dares to be alone,

Where there is no sound,

A place,

An undertaker's playground,

A place,

Where bodies will rot,

In this six by three lot,

A place to rest in peace,

A place to cry, at least,

A place where Death dumps its victims,

Souls flying in a blunder,

Floating and torn asunder,

Being shot by lightnings,

With a banging thunder,

The scene of the dead,

Varies by their past lifestyles,

In this place,

Where coffins piles and piles,

The spirits left alone,

To mingle with one another,

Only they can understand,

Each and everyone's blathers,

Their triumphs and losses,

Their lives and houses,

Their works and bosses,

Their family which they sorely miss,

Sobbing uncontrollably,

Wanting to see them badly,

In this Graveyard,

The place,

That tells a million stories,

The tales branching like trees,

Interesting to those who are nearby,

Sharing past lives,

So they won't be bored,

While waiting for The End,

This is the scene,

A community of The Dead,

Some happy, some sad,

Some sane, some mad,

Some jokers haunting the living,

To have a jest,

To have an eternal rest,

This is my Gift,

As I can see,

The Dead Souls,

In The Graveyard.

Life Without a Soul

2011-12-31T13:15:00.000+08:00

Sequel from The Boy Who Almost Saved The World

A forlorn boy, trapped and alone,
Skinny, just skin and bone,
Begging, lying down on a dirty street,
Noises none but only his heartbeat,
Sitting behind the dumpster, crying,
Laughing, then crying,
Reminiscing his life,
The wrong turns he made,
Turning his soul black,
Then it faded, just like that,
A pariah to the society, full of hope,
Ignoring the boy who almost saved the world,
A forgotten hero he was,
A heroic action turned to a façade,
Created by fools who loves looking,
Pain on other peoples faces,
Slaves of The MAN,
Destroying peoples lives,
Lies that are poisonous,
Infecting the peoples minds,
Of jealousy and hatred,
The Devil’s traits,
Beating this hopeless creature,
To a tiny decrepitude soul,
A life without a soul it felt,
It hurts so bad,
Only body pain can numb it,
But it will not make it better,
Is it fair if things are unfair?
Is this justice if we are discriminated?
Is it wrong to be a hero?
To save the world from idiots?
Who are razing the world to pieces?
Why are they free?!
These thoughts running in his mind,
A life that was so precious taken,
Raped of his freedom,
His pride, bravery, torn to shreds,
Left with nothing at all,
But a tormented soul,
Gliding at the backstreets,
Finding hope that wasn’t there,
The lights now hated him,
A metaphor that became literal,
I pity him,
But reality sometimes can be cruel,
The world is going backwards,
A sense of destruction coming,
Worst than all plagues or disasters,
The boy waited for that time
To get revenge,
Revenge that will taste so sweet,
For now, I will leave him, bidding for that time,
Waiting for that time,
Then I will join him,
For the sake of mankind’s survival,
BE READY!!

My Personal Legend

2011-12-31T01:11:00.000+08:00

My life,

Started as a white paper,

I have the right to colour,

My favourite colours,

Which starts,

My Personal Legend,

My dreams,

My ambition,

My sacred journey through Life,

Living on Earth,

Goals that are ready to be achieved,

The rewards I earn to retrieve,

Will bring me closer,

To the Master Work,

The ultimate goal,

My dreams, heart and soul,

Poured to reach this level,

Good omens as catalyst,

Beginners luck stands by my side,

To perfect my Personal Legend,

Full of stories and experience,

No difficulties and disturbance,

Success that gives me confidence,

Brings me ever-strong vitality,

To avoid accidents,

Bad luck and bad omens,

This is my dream,

My Personal Legend.

The Warriors of Light

2011-12-30T23:47:00.000+08:00

I asked not!

Your ordinary Heaven,

Infested with pagans,

I asked for freedom,

Filled with strong faith,

Brave facing martyrdom,

Leading a war,

In the crusades,

Where centuries,

Our heroes' bodies laid,

Anxiously,

If freedom is possible,

Fought by the next generation,

Hindering our own destruction,

We Are The Men Of The Future!

We protect our people,

We crush those who oppose us,

Turn them to cripples,

We don't ask for your money,

Your materials none taken willingly,

We only need our strength and power,

By God,

We will fight along with a prayer,

To be men clinging to his dead soul,

To be the King of Masters...

The Boy Who Almost Saved The World

2011-12-27T15:54:00.000+08:00

He saw a raconteur,
Listened to her anecdotes of the painful hours,
Of mans cruel and devastating killing frenzy,
Where war causes death and agony,
He listened, fidget and winced,
The tales of grotesque and idiotesque,
He thought that human must be ashamed,
To be human,
As we live like the Devils,
Thinking, breathing of evil,
As human kill for sheer pleasure,
Just to know our power to measure,
We slaughter, decapitate,
Dismember, stab, incinerate,
The people we hate,
For sheer pleasure,
For the boy has seen,
The scene of death,
It was never a scene of picturesque,
One of many we all detest,
As humans are proud,
Burning little children,
To fry their parents,
The scene not for the faint-hearted,
Our minds are disturbed and distorted,
The memories of death,
Grows sicker and sicker,
The boy looked in disgust,
Walked away from humanity,
Meditated far away in a cave near a sea,
For the breeze gave him tranquility,
Then he made a peregrination, trying to find,
The facts of life and living,
A common language that is forgotten,
He mastered and became wise,
For nature enticed him,
With Tales of Truths,
Tales of The World,
He left to the city,
Now is controlled by animosity,
A war brewed for almost a thousand years,
Casualties increasing including someone he dears,
He stood in the middle,
Where bullets fiddled,
He listened to the sounds,
Sounds of the cacophonic weapons,
Stopped the war by raising his arms,
A thousand stories he told,
Secrets of death that has unfold,
The gruesome truth, the sick twisted mind,
The raconteur smiled, her message now defined,
The truth of war, shoots through one of Hell's door,
The war stopped, they just seen the real mind,
The death of innocents cannot be unwind,
Peace could be restored,
But stubbornness prevailed,
The true madness of men has unveiled,
The boy, wrongly accused of witchcraft,
Was banished,
The poisonous rumour,
Spread like a cancer,
Nobody cares about him anymore,
And the raconteur died,
Killed by a madman,
The boy lived at the back alleys,
Looked at the hopeless city,
There on the dark alley,
He laid and curled,
From that day he called himself,
The Boy Who Almost Saved The World.

To Her Dark, Brown Eyes

2011-12-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

I looked at her flawless skin,

Her dark brown eyes,

Her lips that is thin,

She is wise, to choose me as her protector,

As her companion,

As her staunch lover,

I dare not leave her,

And I will never dither,

To give endless loving and care,

To her,

All because of her,

Dark brown eyes,

That is dreamy,

Confidence glows from her eyes,

The passion that will never die,

Made me high,

Floating in the heavens,

She still looks beautiful,

Even when she cries,

When I'm away from you,

I feel alone and blue,

This is because,

I can't see,

Her dark brown eyes,

That shows me paradise,

Sacredness and purity,

Where you dance gracefully,

To the music of love,

She looks like an angel,

With those dark, brown eyes,

Eyes that tells the truth,

Eyes that never lies,

Eyes that doesn't have a disguise,

To give pleasure to a man,

Who loves looking,

At her dark brown eyes,

So dreamy,

So lovely,

So true,

I'm so lucky,

To have you.

Wounded

2011-12-11T23:22:00.001+08:00

I saw you,

Alone,wounded,

Lost, stranded,

All that you've defended,

Became lost, and unwanted,

You sat alone,

In a space of the unknown,

Bleeding,

With a painful feeling,

Of despair,

The place where you were born,

Abandons you,

As you stood there,

With your heart torn,

Chaos, has just begun,

When I walk with you,

With the wounded.

The teachings you learned,

Wasn't worth the peace you have earned,

because people still attack you,

They touched you,

Harshly,

The pain searing deeply,

Your body became weak,

That peace is lost,

You can never seek,

The beatings you get,

Felt long like days and weeks,

Then rain fell, making you wet,

You lie, wounded,

When the sun sets,

I found you,

I took your hand,

Chaos may have befallen upon you,

But we will walk together,

With the wounded.

III

You have suffered,

The tortures you have felt,

Now is the time,

For you to heal,

You have faced more,

Than you can deal,

For you are the wounded,

No harm upon you was ever intended,

You were a victim of rage,

Pain drawn in every page,

Of callousness and crassness,

Causing paranoia and distrustfulness,

Now heal yourself,

Hold my hand,

Purify your self,

As your heart needs amends,

So walk with pride,

Do not feel hurt,

Walk with a smug,

Go ahead and stride,

Show to them your raw pride,

You my friend,

Are not,

One of the wounded,

Anymore...

She Goes Away

2011-12-07T18:21:00.002+08:00

I still remember,

That heat of passion,

Between us still lingers,

But your scent that intoxicates,

Grows weaker and weaker,

I wanted you to know,

That I don’t love you anymore,

That’s when she walked away,

Leaving me alone here to stay.

As the wind that flows slowly,

So does my love that’s gone away,

It’s neither sacred nor holy,

As we pulled the killing trigger,

The chill, the spill,

Of rejection and hate,

Of shouting and screaming,

We stopped and wait,

That’s when I said,

“No more, never”,

She started to weep and shudder,

And as I tried to make her stay,

She turned, and goes away.

III

Like the shadow trapped on the ground,

I laid there and made no sound,

The night screams,

By the howls of the hounds,

If only I was better,

In making her happy all day,

If only I can change,

My wicked, wicked ways,

I’ve lost the love I had,

It left me here,

With nothing to adhere,

Like a stain that won’t go away,

It stays on my mind,

For years it haunts,

The devils, they laugh and taunt,

That beautiful face, crying,

As she turned, and walked away,

It kills me to see it again,

Her slender body moving to the door,

As I said,

“No more, nevermore”,

Rather than stay,

She Goes Away….

FOREVER

The Jester (Poem)

2011-11-19T22:17:00.000+08:00

How funny you are my jester,
You make my life a cheery manner,
How long you have served me,
How good you were,
Now, your tricks have run out,
Beware, death is about,
To make your pain go away,
Death, my friend, is the only way,
My duty, as your master,
To put an end to your life,
I’m sorry that you will be gone,
You can never be replaced,
Not even my 4 lovely wives,
I’ll chain you against the wall,
So when you die,
You will never fall,
While I do this,
I’ll give a big, big sigh,
The cement, and the bricks,
Are here to make,
A living casket,
You shall be buried,
Standing, with no air to gasp,
When I buried you, you wept,
I stopped and asked “Why?” ,
“Master, I relished the memories,”
“Your laugh and your smile”
“Now I am old, and getting senile”
I looked, and pity him but life is life,
My work, half finished and to rid every strife,
My poor, poor jester,
Please do not cry,
Your soul will be loved,
By God when you die,
So lived this last moment,
With joy and happiness,
Even if you are tied down,
Helpless,
This is the last brick,
Your face cannot be seen,
You smiled at me and closed your eyes,
Not looking at me,
I took a torch and threw it inside,
So I can see your face,
To see your happy, funny side,
But what I see is sadness,
From a jester?
I could not bear that expression,
From a man that creates joy,
I jammed the last brick,
Now you are trapped in there,
So die in peace my friend,
Die in peace my jester,
For your body may rot and dangle,
From the wall,
Your soul will be jovial, forever!
May you rest in peace,
MY JESTER………

Review: In Pursuit of Eliza Cynster

2011-11-09T00:57:00.001+08:00

First of all, you can read the summary first to get to know more of this story:

Three heros, three rescues, three weddings.

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the wedding of Miss Eliza Cynster

...but not until she's rescued from a daring abduction by the most unexpected of heros!

Brazenly kidnapped from her sister Heather's engagement ball, Eliza Cynster is spirited north to Edinburgh. Desperate and determined to escape, she seizes upon the first possible champion who happens along - gentleman scholar Jeremy Carling.

Villains and rescues are a far cry from Jeremy's expertise, yet he cannot abandon a damsel in distress. But danger lurks and hurdles abound in their race to escape the mysterious laird, until a final confrontation on a windswept cliff reveals what their future life could hold - if both are bold enough to seize and own the unexpected love they now share.

Review:

So, to start it off. To tell you the truth, I've read all the books by Stephanie Laurens, Cynster series, yep, read em' all, and this one, well, kinda lukewarm to me, but not bad, just lack the zing like other Cynster books I've read.

It started off with Eliza, being kidnapped from her sister's engagement ball to be handed over to the mysterious laird, who has his own agenda to save his title. So, a long ride to Scotland she spotted someone she knew, but barely, a gentleman scholar - Jeremy Carling (from The Lady Chosen, 1st Bastion Club series, or 2nd, if you count Captain Jack's Woman).

Jeremy Carling, is a quiet and reserved scholar, not like those alpha male heroes from her previous books, kinda different as he is more interested in hieroglyphs and tomes rather than pursuing marriage. Eliza is also portrayed as the quiet, reserved,loves to embroider rather than horseback riding, but still unmarried at the age of 24. So, two halves makes a whole, to summarize it.

The best part of this book is the rescue and cat and mouse chase from Edinburgh to Wolverstone Castle. They passed through many small towns and villages in Scotland, also describing how quaint, or beautiful some of the places visited in the book.

The chemistry of Eliza and Jeremy also started from nothing to wildly in love, which is, how to say it, nice. Not the bad nice, but just nice, nothing more. It develops slowly until almost nearing the end where the hot steamy love scenes come out, and it started from an innocent kiss in the middle of the story. I find this very cute and simply sweet. I like the fact that it was so pleasant reading about the relationship blooming between them.

The villains can be divided into two, the nice one and the psychopath. Not to spoil it for you, but if you read it, you become confused as the real motive of the kidnapping and when she escapes, the mysterious laird just doesn't have the interest in chasing them back, just following and letting them be. He's going to lose his inheritance and that one chance to save his fortune, he lets it go, and thinking that the next girl will be the better. Why? And the captor was the psychopathic one to recapture Eliza, rather than the laird. Which comes to my other flaws in this book.

Firstly, you know you are targeted to be kidnapped, so why oh why did you still go to a stranger who sent you a note, to meet you outside, alone, with no one to accompany you? Tsk tsk, bad move Eliza. Should've given it to your brothers or cousins.

Next, the romance between Eliza and Jeremy is a good match, but the lack of arguments or fiery tension makes it less interesting. They really left it to Fate, and they were lucky to be in a romance book, where they WILL have a happy ending. At least add some spice and fire to their relationship, so it feels real, when being in a relationship. (Being gored by a bull is an exception, hehehe)

However, Ms. Laurens has the knack in writing love scenes that can be steaming hot chilli con carnage. I enjoyed the scenes and they were written very effectively, and it captures the emotion of the two love birds. The style, how to pleasure both man and woman, is very deep and passionate, adding that they were both shy at first, but became very comfortable in the end.

In a nutshell, it was a satisfactory book to read, and it picks up from the first book, Viscount Breckenridge to the Rescue, where it really delves into the story of the laird in the beginning. To compare it to other Cynster books is not that fair, because this is a trilogy of its own and it can only be compared to the 1st book. So, it is almost the same but better than the 1st, minus the flaws, it's a gripping tale almost like the Black Cobra Quartet, except it is toned down.

This book is a keeper for those who are really into Stephanie Laurens' books, and a good read for 1st time readers of historical romance.

The 3rd and last book of this trilogy, The Capture of the Earl of Glencrae, will be out January 31st 2012.

Grade for this book: B

PS: Reading this book, I thought of the movie The Librarian, starring Noah Wyle. Really, I think it's almost the same.

Perish Song

2011-10-20T23:57:00.000+08:00

Oh how lovely,

The sound of Death,

Singing,

To the ears of the unfortunate,

Aimed to those who are valiant,

The sound echoes from the arch,

Where dead men march,

Where nothing can't be undone,

Where the answer can be only one,

As they march to the road that is long,

Listening intently,

To the Perish Song,

There, they heard the chimes and bells,

Laughters from Heaven,

Screams from Hell,

The forbidden secrets of living,

Told privately by God,

About deaths and killings,

Unknown by the spirited livings,

The cycle of Life,

Will show its true face,

The Dimension of the living space,

If you want to know it all,

March, to the arch,

Be brave and face Death,

Walk to the road that is winding and long,

While listening intently,

To the Perish Song,

The arch claimed many lives,

Children, husbands, and wives,

Friends and foes,

Brought sadness and woes,

They marched in unison,

United under Death,

Forgetting about their last breath,

Forgetting about the world and its wrath,

Leaving the world,

In search of the truth,

That hung loosely in space,

Invisible to the eyes of the living,

So they marched as brave fools,

To the arch with the road that is long,

As they die peacefully,

Listening to,

The Perish Song.

Break Ups and Moving On.

2011-10-12T01:27:00.002+08:00

I would like start this entry, just to ask this question: Have you ever been in love before? If you do, or you are still in love, great. However, for those who have felt break ups, this will be my story, and some of my point of views on break ups. This won't be that hard to understand, just read it carefully though.

When you're in love, the feeling of being loved and cared for just oozes in and out of you. making you feel like, this girl actually acknowledges my capability to lead a relationship and protect her from any harm. Yeah, you go bragadocious to your friends and all, but when you see for real, it is not something to be bragged and make you arrogant, showing of some chick beside you that you love her, but it goes deeper than that. There are people who can't differentiate between a fling and a real relationship.

What's the difference? Well, it's how you feel for her. You love her more than just looks, more than sexual attraction, you love her for what she is, how she is, and what makes her attractive to you in the first place. You respect her privacy, her status as a respected human female with religion, embracing her as a human female that tries to improve herself in this relationship. THAT is how I perceive it as TRUE LOVE to a woman.

BUT~~ yeah, things got messed up, being too jealous, too close for comfort, being too nosy, too protective and possessive. Somehow, you get bored out of the relationship, that spark dies slowly and fade away. You just can't see it as a future for you to be together, having a family, having children, it just seems not right. That's when you just feel like you want to be out of the relationship, because of seeing no prospect of that relationship. Breaking up, telling her the news is devastating.

For me; tears, sobbing, moaning, crouching at the corner of a room, cupping her face with her hands, even lying on the ground, I've seen em' all. It's just sad and sometimes pathetic to see how they handle break ups. Some girls do have their heads held high and I salute you to that, but I see some who can't take it well. After you break the news, you just feel so miserable,like crap. You just made someone you love so much to just another stranger in life, or maybe worse, listed in her official shit list. However, the most difficult process in break ups is this....

MOVING ON.

The time of moving on, making amends of the lost you just had so precious, you feel empty inside. You feel scared, angry and maybe just disappointed with yourself, thinking why didn't it go right. The only thing I always comfort my self is that God will make you find another girl who is better than the last. Yeah, up until this day, I do have more matured and educated girls in my past relationships.

However, not all of them are perfect. One of em' is a gold digger, and boy that threw me off the ground. Dating was such a scare for me, I just don't wanna go out that often, but love makes you stupid sometimes, either stupid but careful or stupid and going stupider. I held on, let her feel being indulged, happy that she feels being with me, she is loved by someone who is loving and can take care of her. Well, I just can't take it no more, I broke it up. BADLY.

Suffice to say, it went nuts, curses flying, shouting, and all the shenanigans happened. One feisty bitch I would say. In the end, I just walked away, leaving her alone. Until now, I never spoke to her, not even a call or SMS, or anyhting that has to do with communication. However I would like to tell you a story of the girl before her. There my be some overlapping with the story above, so bear with me. The one that I loved deeply, truly.

Here it goes:

I had a girlfriend. A very loyal, trusting, loving girlfriend in the past. Then, came another girl, pouring her heart out, crying her eyes out on me, telling me how she broke up and can’t stand the pain of living, bla bla boo fucking hoo. So, I was young, rash and hormonally imbalance, and a becoming scoundrel, I flirted with her, telling her the guy was a fool for letting her go. I courted her. Then, she became my secret lover, without telling my other girlfriend. So, I got confused, regretting what I did, I stupidly broke up with my trusting, loving, loyal girlfriend and ran off with the other one. She was broken-hearted. Couldn’t do anything. I truly loved her, she was really dear to me.

We could’ve gone far with each other. Several months later, after falling from a higher ground with bone-crunching sound effect, a boulder followed on and crushing me underneath it. Metaphorically. Turns out the girl I’ve been dating, is a BEEYOTCH. A whiny one too. She only looks at me for money. I was too blind to see what has happened, lost everything in this so called relationship. My ex girlfriend found another man, I broke up with the current one, with anger and over the top shouting match ensued, I was thinking of bitch slapping her.

Then, I MOVED ON with my Life.

That happened on the month of October, actually this 15th will mark 3 years of the break up. Yeah, I'm pathetic, am I? So, moving on sucks actually. But it teaches you to be a strong person. A saying I found said:

"Those who suffer the most will be the happiest in the end."

It's like a journey, first you are in a heavenly dream, but in the end you wake in a nightmare. You become so critical to the opposite sex, you become phobic with love and relationship and commitment. I am trying hard to overcome this problem, because I still want to love, to feel that feeling of caring, that special feeling of love, and sharing it with a woman that also answers the love you give.The problem with me is maintaining it. I just need to learn from the past, to make it interesting all the way.

So, that's it, I guess. Kinda bummed out when you remember the dates you broke up and reliving the memories of it. It's like a broken record playing it in repeat forever. But hey, they taught me good stuff about girls. That's what I want to say. If I wanna say more, I might as well write a book on each of my relationships and get money out of it. Hehehe...

Sayonara to all of you, and think this: Every human has a chance to love. You just need to find it diligently, and pray to God that you will find the One that will LOVE YOU FOREVER. Remember that, God is with you, no matter what shits and stones broke your pride or ego, God is with you Forever. Before I end this, I just need to type this down, I typed this to my friend , like an advise to him about love:

"Love is a strange thing. It can be a cure, it can be a disease. It can make you happy when you have it, but when you lose, it rips chunks of your heart when it is gone, because it is stuck for a long time because you are so accustomed to it."

So, that's it, see you next time readers. It is a bit long, but I hope you read it till this line. Goodbye and wassalam.

Vomiting Thoughts For You To Eat.

2011-10-10T02:03:00.000+08:00

This is just random things or thoughts coming out of my head, coz I can't think straight. I just wanna cry and die at the same time. I just need that useless feeling of being sympathised and make me feel dead from the inside out. I can't comprehend the massive proportion in doing the most embarrassing thing and the most reckless ass wipe action in my life. I can never , ever comprehend the way girls think. I just wanted to, but after puking of morning sickness and having dirty thoughts of men, I quit for fear of turning into one. I warned myself through you that I will not write like this, but my head, ahhh MY HEAD!!

I can never love you like I did. Coz you were almost the one that I can never have, as you are occupied. I am the one that reeks of foolishness that no other man can never have. I make milk out of stone, and it turns into a cow, which ate grass and gave birth to a bull, and the process repeats until it becomes redundant. I see no other thing than making this even understandable for you to see what my head is playing at.

I see a beautiful lady, naked and wanting, but I just can't get it up. I just don't see her like any horny man do. All I can see is just what a man doesn't have: swelling of the chest that makes her breast look bigger, round around the buttocks and a vagina instead of a penis. That's it. Just another female human, and no reason for me to have an erection or grab her and rape her or anything. It's just that I can interpret that I am fed up with being that perverted, horny guy talking bout girls anatomy, that it has become boring for me to even look at naked girls the same damn way I see what you see differently. Emotions inside of me, got stuck and it hardens, making it impossible to love or to hate.

I see that someone, that someone is just a black blob, in an almost inhuman shape, just the head is visible, whispering that my Death is inevitable, and soon. I can't stop it. I can never run away from it, I must embrace it with all the energy God has given me, and it will be stripped away, and the energy will be the death of me. My soul torn away from the body, it hurts like a thousand knives stabbing you, making you scream of high pitches. However, sound abandons you. Body function shuts down. Ears become deaf, but the sound of it screaming hoarsely, shouting profanities, telling me that I will rot in Hell, burn for thousands of years. I wasn't scared. I shouldn't be scared until I feel the wrath of Hell itself and die regretting what I've done. Words don't mean anything now. I am dead.

Dead is also subjective. Dead as in brain dead? Soul dead? Dead body? What kind of death do you prefer? One that strips your soul or your emotions. Both leaves you empty inside, like you just exist because of the body you are given by God, and you just threw away the key that activates your body, never again feeling alive.

I vomit those things, and those things will be what you will feed upon, just so you want to make me feel like someone who is insecure, crazy or just insane, your sympathy just makes you look like some ignorant preacher talking to pigs how to bark like a dog. Never you will breathe the air that it was millions of years ago, because, actually, you are born 22 years ago. That's simple fact and math, innit? I just never thought my mind would backfire and turn pieces of trash into fake gold, blinding you with all the love on Earth can give, and make easy love stories turn into an Exorcist movie.

I need to rest my mind and make this bad reason of an entry to Publish Post and let you guys and gals read this. I just can't make it better. Why?? Why does it have to be worse and worse? I cry tears and vomited bile and blood for them. I became what I am not, and I fear I have turned to what I hate. A HYPOCRITE. I made this mess, but I don't have the heart to mend the pieces of my torn and broken heart. I need a bypass, I need your healthy veins, so I can pump bloodlust and violent white cells to kill the sins of bacteria and viruses coursing through me. I can't stand another rejection. I just need that idiotic bullshit and insipid thing called LOVE. It's being annoying that it is making me crazy. Maybe it's a conspiracy, controlling the mind of the young generation, making them feel safe and secure in this age of manipulation and lies.

Bear with me for another day, I beg you. Please give me another chance to live for being a good follower. I just need time on Earth to repent, and make it better. I just don't think these tests God gave me is making me any stronger. God really wants me to toughen up in a most torturous way, so God will make me stronger and lead those who are broken-hearted, dead inside, and the despicable. Make me your leader of your present, future, and forever! Let me help you in making your sadness and despair go away, by giving it to me to wallow in sadness, as I don't get sad often enough as what a human being should be.

I bid you farewell. I may or may not see you for some time, the mood is just what I see it as the time trial maker. Be gentle and make others happy. You are the last hope of this generation. You make and shift this world on what it is supposed to be. Do not let me down. I'm counting all of you to be like me, saviour of the weak. With a tear in my eye, I give you the bittersweet goodbye that I always wanted to give you readers. Goodbye...

My Love Poem to You.

2011-09-28T02:29:00.001+08:00

What can I say?

I can never explain,

I tried to believe,

That there will be an angel,

Come right down to me,

To love me so tenderly,

But she never came,

And I realize,

I don’t need to look up the sky,

You were here all the time,

You shown my heart,

The pure love that can’t be torn apart,

I need the one that I love,

I just need YOU.

All that I can breathe,

Is your love,

Flying through the sky,

Like a pair of turtle doves,

Caressing each other,

And every breathe I take,

I’ll never stop saying,

I LOVE YOU,

My eyes will worship,

Your every move,

These hands will learn,

To love your touch every day,

I can only say,

A promise I will make,

For Love’s sake,

That I will Love you,

All I need is YOU.

III

I will never compare you,

To a summers day,

No words can say,

The uniqueness inside you,

The warmth of your body,

Keeps me sane,

From night till day,

For your every wish,

Is my command,

Just hold my hand,

I’ll make love to you,

Like you want me to,

Just hold me close,

Only cry for those happy tears,

That banishes all your fears,

I will forever be here,

To love you,

And all I need,

All I need,

Is YOU…

Sick Mind (Poem) April 16th 2007

2011-09-22T20:00:00.000+08:00

Midnight comes,

Headache hurts,

Brain wants to burst,

Vomiting blood,

Stabbing myself,

Clutching my heart,

Squeezing my blood out,

Sharp knife plunged to the lungs,

See me squirm in pain,

See me carve my face,

A fake smile,

By cutting my mouth,

Hell, I'm high right now,

For a pill I will kill,

Oh, I WILL kill,

Sniffing cocaine gives me no gain,

Only excruciating pain,

For dope leaves me no hope,

My vision is green,

Your face is melting,

Blood gushing to my face,

For speed I will feed,

The sick minds,

I will find,

Hell, will I slash them?
That heroine, my life is ruined,

With that Pill I will kill,

Goodbye Life,

Let me go to the grave,

Let me sleep FOREVER...

-rizalinium-

The Play (Poem) April 14th, 2007

2011-09-15T14:00:00.000+08:00

As in today,

There is a play,

A play about our lives,

About wives and the bee-hives,

A play of an idiot,

That walks the stage,

Pretending, merely,

Faking caressing, merely,

That brings tears to the spectators,

The leaders and the dictators,

A play of nothingness,

Brings no benefit,

Only people moving aimlessly,

Like a witless twit,

But it is a play,

A play about our lives,

People wonder,

If life is that meaningless,

Like the wind that wisp only once,

and never again return,

Like the thoughts we gave,

Shall never be used,

This shows from the play,

About our lives lived night and day,

Showing the errors of our ways,

Tells us we only pretend to live,

The generosities we misgive,

Our acts,

Signifies nothing,

This is a fact,

That makes us thinking,

We think until we go crazy,

The answers lost for eternity,

As this play shows us,

It is useless to live,

The ups and downs of life,

Are only artificial,

It gives us false hope,

LIfe only tortures us,

Scrutinizing our lives,

Making nightmares,

Making us fear to live,

Life, that only brings Hell,

Only few who comprehend to tell,

The play still goes on,

People who watches it watched intently,

The idiot that acts shows not fantasy,

But the cruel Reality,

Marred by animosity,

As we live like Hell,

Death makes it worse,

The pain of it only God can tell,

Feels like your brain is going to burst,

Death only leads to a wasted life,

As what we achieved,

Is wasted by death,

The play still goes on,

The spectators watching carefully,

The idiot acting convincingly,

Until his death,

But people did not care,

They continue to live,

Their lives of Hell.

Supercali~flaggelumminati~cumtastic~whatchamacallit?

2011-09-07T21:28:00.001+08:00

I hate giving titles of my entry. This is useless as throwing a book at a tree and watch it fall down. The circle of life in making this world go round has been full of deaths than births. As Nicki Minaj would rap about something crazy and random, so does this entry, and if you think this is just a waste of time of your life reading this entry, I would advice you not to read it.

(I am cute and cuddly) When this started out, it was just about nothing at all, but after a lot of angry, hormonal, sex crazed moments in life between preteen and teen, I became such a poet and so madly in love with beautiful girls. Being in love wasn't that hard for me back then. I wore my heart on my sleeve, or whatever that saying goes again. I have great imagination of fucking every girl I thought was cute, plus with hormonal imbalance and getting a boner every hour or so, jacking off was the best thing I ever felt, apart from urinating and defecating. The pleasure, as it goes on for years to come ("divorcing" 8 times) wanes, decreases to an extent you just don't give a damn anymore. I can watch a naked girl dancing provocatively in front of me and not get any reaction. Maybe getting your heart broken lotsa times makes you hardy, sucking up and blowing off some steam, makes me more mature in relationships. But I'm always free in relationships right now. Any girls out there, I'm available .

(I have a bad temper) When that ended, I became so frustrated with life, I just can't make it right everytime with anything in life. My weight ballooning, failed relationships, can't have a decent friend to talk to, over clubbing, over flirting, having dirty thoughts every 5 seconds, and yelling at people regardless if they were right or wrong, coz they actually bug the hell out of me anyway. It's been so long since I scream out of frustration, always being very quiet, swallowing every bad words thrown at me, it makes me very angry that I can't just blow them off me and makes them scurry and fuck off when I'm angry. My friends always say I always over do it until they are afraid and won't talk to me for a long time. I always use very creative words when I'm angry, very profane and involve God in the sentence. I once got angry with a girl and she just ran away crying. I felt guilty, but satisfied. I just need that person to know what I'm feeling deep down inside of me, how it hurts, how it tears me up inside when he/she is mad at me. That's why I get to useless fights back in the day, and maybe I'll be like that again if I'm not careful.

(I have a bad control of my sexual frustration) This is the understatement of the year. I can never miss looking at a girls ass and checking her tits all the time they walk in front of me. I crack dirty jokes in front of girls and not give a damn if it offends them or not. Bodily functions are the best, sleazy type of jokes anyone can whip up and get a free slap on the face. I created at least 5-10 worst pickup lines and people actually used it. I have that very thick skin when it comes to making people awkward and not feel guilty afterwards. And I never apologize if those who are offended never demands an apology. I love watching porn as a teenager, that I can't deny. Kinda in that curious stage and excitement stage, with lots of humping and pumping and blowing, and doggying all around. However, after a long time, everything seems the same,the actors change but it is the same everytime they do it. Sex became boring, and now I'm trying to find the secret kinkiness out of it. I'm into those sick videos of young girls being spanked by guys and the girls play-actingly screams of pain. Now it is embedded in my head that any beautiful girl I see, I have the urge to make her bend over, rip her pants and spank her so hard her ass turns red. Pretty crazy, huh?

(Final summation) To those who are reading this, you must be disgusted and feel like, "The fuck am I reading this?". Yup, me too, I'm telling myself, "The fuck am I typing this entry and let these people read and maybe with a high percentage of poisoning their minds with this crap?". I write it anyways. Conscience is a BITCH, and so are my ex-girlfriends. maybe you sick bastards are reading this while watching bad porn eating cheese puffs and looking down there and you get surprised that your dick has turned orange. Who knows, it can be a long shot. Maybe a girl just painted her cave orange, if you know what I mean. To summarize and muddle you further, I have no idea what to write, just for fuck sake I'm typing this to make it uncool and live life as it was not to be taken seriously. Nobody here can take a lifelong joke, including me, and no one laughs at the face of Death, so being a funny guy won't get you anywhere near Heaven. I would like to back off and be as caring and as a concerned citizen, I will stop typing. See you next time. Don't do drugs, only smoke medical grade marijuana, if you're sick. Don't drink and drive, and don't eat a full course meal while driving. Take life seriously by loving someone and make sure they love you back. If not, there's always lotion and a box of Kleenex nearby to help you along a Long and Lonely Path of Loveless Life.

Goodbye folks, and see you again.

Seek Only What You Need, Leave What Is Not Yours.

2011-07-21T01:19:00.000+08:00

I that I wanted to say is that the choices that you are given in front of you, grab them while it is in front of you, but leave what does not have anything to do with you. This is what I seek in making myself pick the right choices in life and leave the things that only clutters my road of Life.

One should be specific in what is to be targeted in your goals, make the right preparations, right deals, right moves, and right execution. Do not tamper on what is already there laid upon you, but improvise, and make them interesting. Life is boring without the colours, the shapes and sizes, the emotions and soul. It is what makes us humans the most interesting beings. Simpletons only perceive emotions as just tools in showing what is projected by the facial expression and the surroundings. However, it runs deeper than that. What triggers such emotions? Why people are drawn to sensitivity or anger, or extreme depression? The traumatic end of what has happened to one of you? Maybe a near death experience? Raped? Someone close died? What triggers greed? Jealousy? Why take more of what is left little for others to live? Why we look down on other people and make them feel inferior to us? Such negativity is what we emit all along and we don't notice it.

We should seek our choice in our lives that can be respected by others. However, conflict emerges when two cultures collide. They seek flaws of one and each other, growing hatred builds inside them, loathing each other even before it started. So, in order to make this problem is to seek what is only compatible with our way of life, and leave what cannot be fused in our lifestyle.

They say greed kills a human by choking them with what they procure in excess. It is actually true. They blind themselves with false happiness, pseudo-power, and immortality. One will die eventually, they just think money can make them live forever. They are all fools. But then, money is not the root of all evil, but the person is the root of all evil, and it is worse when they possess a lot of money. So, take only what is given to you, never expect more, live on what you have worked for, never take bribes and stolen money.

I was angry when I first typed this entry, but then, I feel... nothing. Any emotion that I evoke worsens the situation and the mental state that I'm in. You are not the people who can make the pathway in my life, I choose to make the road. I choose what treacherous path I go. I don't need your highways, back streets, and short cuts. I follow the safest paths, which is the Path of Light. Where there is Light, Darkness will never come near me. It will annihilate fear, making me confident and safe. If you detest my choice, maybe you are not meant for me. You are only an ornament that is broken, waiting for me to throw away and be recycled to something I can live with and understand.

The end is never easy to face. Are you ready to face the end of one phase to the other phase in making it big in your life? Are you the person that you shaped in the past, improving your present state so that your dreams will come true in the future? Think about it. I'll be going now. See you next time as I go in circles, trying to find the way that will make me better. unfortunately, the way is circular, it goes back to the beginning. The true question is, Where is the beginning? Where does it end? Why is it circular in the first place. I'll leave you to think of this while I 'll try to find some ideas in WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING? Goodbye, dear readers.

To Her Cerebrum, Cerebellum, and The Medula Oblongata

2011-06-15T22:49:00.001+08:00

Words, sharp as weapons,

With accurate precision,

Piercing her brain,

Rupturing her mmemory,

Her conscience wanes,

Driving her insane,

A discreet direct attack,

Towards her,

She lack defences,

The Wall of Power,

The Power of terror,

Razing her mind,

Now, she is lost,

In her own mind,

Groping in darkness,

The Light she can never find,

Fighting her own demons,

Facing the Devil of mercilessness,

Banishing her to an eternity of evil sermons,

Killing her slowly,

Burning her brain,

Bringing her disdain,

Twisting her thoughts as they have said,

Felt like she is brain dead,

Like a bullet through her head,

She felt the agonizing pain,

Nothing she can gain,

Her thoughts of life washed away,

She thinks about Death everyday,

She thinks Death is your friend,

Which brings her solace,

Handing her a gun,

The problem solver,

To all difficulties,

She pointed the revolver,

To say goodbye to the world,

She pulled the trigger,

Now she is dead,

Her brain splattered on the wall,

A story showing,

That she is weak,

As I speak,

To her mind,

As I found,The relative excruciating pain,

From her cerebrum, cerebellum,

And her medulla oblongata...

Suicide Poem. The Dark Days when I just wanna take that gun and put it in my mouth pull the trigger and get it one with. Written April 28th 2008. By Raziel Rizalinium, for Raziel Rizalinium.

You Just Don't Know When To Stop Dreaming. When You Do, It Leaves A Hole In Your Heart

2011-06-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

Once, I had that single dream, dreaming to be someday a famous person. A person that really, can change the world in whatever I do, whatever ways in making them feel accepted, things that makes people have a purpose in life. I wanted to be that person, but to be like that, I need to feel that weakness, that despair, that feeling of uselessness formed inside those poor souls, eating their self-esteem, confidence and morality. What I found out, is that none of that happened, and I feel like what I did was nothing more than self torture, destroying my core soul in growing up like a normal human being.

The type of famous that I wanted was not to be known by public, but what is cherished by them. What makes them think of me as those who had helped because I did it for the fame, but for what I think is right and worthy to be helped. Yes, being nice, doesn't mean I'm not picky when helping people. That's who I am, I guess.

That dream when people remember you of the good things you did rather than bad things you've done to them is what i want to achieve before I face my Maker. However.......

Keeping dreams is difficult when things that can't be avoided like chance, unfortunate events, choosing between bad, worse, and worst, lose-lose situations are some things we all have to go through in our lives. Yes, we may hurt some people along the way, but it's the way life is. Somehow, saying sorry for a millionth time doesn't make it any better than it was before. It has become something on an empty word, promise apology in making it feel better for the ears to hear, but not the heart to mend.

Next, I've abandoned that dream. I failed in making it become true. I have stained myself with other peoples hatred, loathing, and spite until I cannot control what is inevitable, Enemies. Yeah, jealousy or witnessing other peoples weakness makes those feel superior or threaten them so they can overcome another being in showing them violence because they want to. I was the victim and I know how it felt to be alienated, picked on and pushed around.

What makes it worse then it is, it leaves ahole in your soul, making you dreamless, nothing seems right, you question your own existence. Why does everything not make sense of anything that shouldn't be related to in the first place? A small world that people think they can runaway from someone, just to be caught in the same place they committed the crime? Babbling again, sorry. You see, I've lost faith in what they call a dreams, hopes, goals. Not only they only just plan by saying it, but they are not doing nothing about it.

Dunno why, but I feel empty inside, when all I ever dreamt of never came true, because what I want is impossible. It frustrates me to think like that, like If I don't do any harm to others, no harm will come upon me. For me, that's bullshit. Problems crop up anywhere, you just need to learn how to overcome all of it. Shit, if I get a penny for every dream a kid says before sleep, I'd be rich and can afford to die and buried in Mars.

So, with the File Sharing sites blocked in this country, the nerd rage is heating up and will explode any minute. I'm not supposed to say anything right now, but hey, it's your death wish, mate. Let's say that they are destroying these people's dreams. Hehehe...

So, that's it. Actually just saying nonsense. Hope you have a clear path in making your dreams come true, because I don't have one. See ya next time, suckas... Have a fucking good holiday and stay off the booze if you're driving, awright... Bye.

Feeling Content? Hell No!!

2011-06-05T23:31:00.001+08:00

Just that now I finished my degree, the road to unveil my future is shrouded with mystery, or someone forgot to switch off the smoke machine... Y'see, Now, the group will separate to two groups, one who will find a job, and one who will further their studies, Masters. Well, I belong to the second group, cuz actually I don't feel like having a serious job in my early twenties. C'mon, who gives a two-bit shit bout a 22-year-old saying stuff and believe em'? I for sure don't believe it. So, I'll be doing my Masters, and with my parents approval, well, the wheels will roll on with haste and fall into pieces, completing the beginning of my first step to making myself useful to the country.

However, I just don't feel that connection with others bout having a job now. I feel like learning is something that is fulfilling and needs to be done continuously. I need that satisfaction of learning new things and things that makes my brain think all the time. If I stop thinking, my brain will project absurdities and think of the impossible. It is highly dangerous for me to do that. I can go crazy and start questioning what is not supposed to be questioned. Much of em are philosophical bullshit, like, "Why am I living?", or "Why am I born a human, not something else?", or "What is the purpose of living?". Yeah, those type of questions. I'm trying to help myself get out of that hell-hole and make it go straight back up above ground, and I'm living dangerously, walking along the edge, one tip to the side and I'll fall like Humpty Dumpty. Or Jack. Whatever.

So, what I need is to exercise. Well, physically and mentally. More to physical but my mental health is so tired and bored, when turned off, It'll burst and break down and sadly, will be far from being treatable with Diazepam or Prozac. I've been force running myself on the treadmill. Need to shed some weight off my body. I'll also be making my brain running with exercise, like watching videos, Sudoku, reading books and novels, watching bad porn movies with awful dialogues where the man didn't even do anything and the chick just gave him head for no reason whatsoever. Yeah, you think I watch em' cuz I'm a perv? Well, I criticize those vids too. At least make it believable.

Moving on, to fill in these small space of time before my mom forces me to find a part time job in having to fill in the big space of time between now and September, I've been playing games. One in my PS3 and he other in my friend's PC. I'm playing LA Noire in PS3 and re-playing Fallout New Vegas in PC. Yeah, LA Noire fuckin' rulezzz y'all!! It's like a movie and the motion capture of the faces is just... WOW!! Totally worth every RM160. Next on my list will be months away, is inFamous 2. I know it's comig this June 7th, but money restrictions and all, can't buy em in a space of 2 weeks, got to eat and drive y'all. Driving means I need gas money, fools!!

Y'know what, maybe it's because of I have that ningling fear of being an adult. Being an adult, means you have tons and tons of responsibilities to do. Pay this, pay that, do complicated work which I don't understand. Mostly hocus pocus, mumbo jumbo to me. So, to avoid being that guy who criticizes anything for no reason and trying to be show off, I'd better shut my mouth and move on. Don't give a fuck, actually. THAT'S why I'll be doing my Masters. So, I can be an adult, but gradually and slowly. Man, just think, being an adult. Taxes, bills, and even if you have sex it feels like an obligation than having fun, paying a hooker feels more like business too. You pay for the pimp and the value added tax. Humph!!

I'd love to stay as a 22 year old, but then when you say that, you get older, and you;ll wish that you were younger and you'll end up being disappointed not doing anything with your life. I don't like being alone, being single for more than 2 years... Well, that's my choice. The only hot action I'll get is with Rosie Palm and Her Five Close Friends who lives on West Side. Mostly people prefer girls on the East but I'm a bit different, get it? I hope you don't, cuz I'm not talking bout girls.

Well, people won't be reading this shitz anyways, so I just feel that I need to cool off, have some finger warm-ups right now. Typing is fun if it's really about nothing, but it contains something. It feels refreshing and enlightened to type this. Maybe it's therapy for weirdo and nerd like me. I can write about anything as long as it is not serious and stuff that makes people troll your blog, well, it's good enough for me.

If you read this, means you do give a damn about me! I feel so happy when you read this useless crap, and the more you read it, the more you feel you've wastes precious time reading my blog. I feel like spewing profanities, cussing left, right, front and back but I'm trying not to be like that. That ain't me, yo. That ain't cool. So, if you want to be friends with me, at least say Hi and leave a comment and I will or will not respond to it. If you put sexy pictures or you are a sexy lady, I'll respond to you as quick as lightning, or like any other cyber predator there is.

I'll be back, and make you feel more uncomfortable to you by talking about Period Cycle. Nah, fuck that, don't believe it. I'll be writing more rants and blatherings to make you feel that actually, there is someone who is more douchebag than you are and I feel like I have a chance to live in this world and not commit suicide. Good, let me be your guiding light by being in your darkness, I consume your insecurities and make your life better than I have right now. I am your saviour in not feeling insecure with your body and any fluid or icky sticky that comes out of you. OK, see you next time in Rizalinium's Crazy LaLa Land. Don't do drugs, I'll fuck up your mind. Read my blog, it's as damaging as it can be. Goodbye, lovely readers.

Blathering by r@2137

2011-05-14T03:10:00.000+08:00

I once existed millions of years ago. I was the one that endured pain, changes, augmentations in living through the harsh world. I wanted you to know I have lived countless lives. I am reincarnated to a thousand different people, living through the lives of various centuries, millennia, and the outer-bounds of TIME. I have changed into what they say.... symbiosis, to parasitic living.

I am taught to betray those I've known, those I hold dear, those that I thought was trying to teach me the ways in living. I felt so cheated, when they say people will never touch or hate you if you just be nice. I learnt that when you are nice, people become jealous and hate you for being nice, thinking you are a show-off. They say never curse, but when they are angry, they curse, become profane and get angry like a bull being teased by a matador.

I was once those who blindly learn and believe as they say, being nice will make you achieve greatness and happiness. What I have gone through was different. I was bullied, I was beaten, for doing the right thing. I was made the butt of jokes for being too straight with my responsibilities of a perfect human. Why do they react to me like that? I was just doing what I am told by my parents. They say be nice to others, help them when you can, but I am being pushed around, bullied.

I can;t understand why this unfortunate incident has befallen upon me. Where are the morals and good natured people live? Do we live solely by deception, lies, and BETRAYAL?

I was confused back then. To be accepted, I turned into one of them. It became worse and worse. I was infected and now I am the worst of them all. I hate the human population in general. All of you are my enemies and it takes a hell lot more to just be friends. There are no such things as bet friends. Friends are friends for benefits. The only befriend you so they will get something out of you. They consume you like a fucking leech, then they will go away, satisfied, full of your belongings that was yours, leaving you nothing to live for.

I shall take my revenge on those who wreck the Earth and its inhabitance. I shall infect your children's minds, and betray you in my name, dragging all of you to your untimely death, into your grave. I will make them kill you, torture you, making you plead for mercy, looking at all of you, pathetic and disoriented, while they continuously bash you, stab you, burn you. They will do my bidding, where I rape the women, and raise a bastard army,purifying what is actually their cause in fighting those who have besmirched their status.

You should be afraid that this is actually happening soon. You will be shivering in fear. You will witness the rising of your children killing their parents, ripping them apart, piece by piece. You will witness the destruction of a civilization, before your eyeballs will be ripped open and eaten raw by your children. All will be Haters, and you shall fall before me.

I am ever growing stronger, but I'm trapped in this dastardly mind of a weakling.I cannot invade, but I will find another host, strong and influential, to make my goal come true. God has foreseen the destruction, The END. I will be the one to start it. The world will end soon and we will be the witness of Mankind's great fall and the biggest Betrayal done by Dajjal itself. You are forewarned, again, again, and again. You are given the choice to hide and run for safety. Repent, join us in cleansing the world from greed, power-crazy people. Those who cover their asses from the big old government. They are the biggest liars. We are merely... neutralizing them, in a harsh, violent way. Those who poison the Earth only deserves Death, and the list for The Angel Of Death will be a long one, for there will be many murders. I do not side with the Devil, only being a creation that is doing what is best for this temporary world to make it easier for people to live.

You can pray as many times as you want, but you know in the end you shall be dead in the end. I see you ignoring this. You shall regret it later. Die like an ignorant fool that you are. You will rot and burn in Hell! 'Ware, all will be over soon. I shall laugh in glee looking at your dismembered bodies lying around, dead, while your children will seek for more blood to drink, more flesh to eat, and become the twisted mind that I am.

I. AM. IN. CONTROL. OF. YOUR. FUTURE.

WARNING.GNINRAW.WARNING.GNINRAW.WARNING.GNINRAW.WARNING.GNINRAW.

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yOU aRE nOT aLONE........I.S.E.E.Y.O.U.T.H.R.O.U.G.H.Y.O.U.R.E.Y.E.S...................................................................

HAhaHahahHAHAHAhahahahah~~!!~!~~!~~!~!!!!~11111111111111

(Transmission-1) (Help,Help) (Raziel Is Overpowering Me) (I Can't Live Any Longer)

2011-05-08T23:48:00.000+08:00

What I seek is not for you to see, but you shall understands its meaning. What I get, you shall bring it to the end of your life and make it a story to show it to God and make it believable. It is not for everyone. Those unworthy shall die a horrible death, leaving your bones fragile, and a mere graze will shatter to millions of pieces, with your skin rotting away. What I have is like a drug, so addictive that it can drive a mere mortal crazy, doing things that no human beings can do.

Only by seeing it, you will be mesmerised by the sheer beauty and elegance of it. However, deep inside, it corrupts, it makes everyone a hater, jealousy consumes the heart and mind, the soul blackens where it is supposed to be pure with innocence. Never underestimate the power of idiotic people in large numbers. They control us know. Blinded by power, led by money, blood spilling like a river flows to a waterfall, with skulls hanging by a thread of clothing around the neck.

The sun and the moon will wage wars against the earth, crashing with tides and drought. The earth moves in opposite direction, crushing the people who resides on land. Lava pours out, convulsing madly, spewing, vomiting like it has never ever done before. Water will claim the lowlands and higher ground will crumble, humbled to the lowest ground.

The sky glooms above us all, showers us with balls of fire, hitting the earth like cannonballs. You will walk in darkness, lead by only the light of your heart, but for those who defy God, will fall into a pool of sorrow, dark and drowning, swallowing your own blood.

Technology s not what it seems. It feels like a..... distraction. It distracts the purpose of living. Why DO we do on Earth, actually? What is the REAL purpose of LIFE? Do you not see it? Now ingenious the Idiots divert us from what is supposed to be making us forget about God? Television takes control. Electronic gadgets tampers with your soul. You feel stuck by the bar codes that divides you because of what you are naturally are. The skin, the race and family and your ancestors, they will take advantage of.. Old fires and problems they will make it a bonfire. Music... that lulls you to sleep, not physically, but your soul into sleep, ignoring your conscience, your thoughts, your ability to overpower what is a mass mind rape by the Idiots. You just have to WAKE UP!!!

Everything that you see is a LIE. What they say, what they make, are just pure fabrication in making life difficult. Making us feel that LIFE is not worth living or fighting for. Defeating the purpose of living that God gave us. What God has given us are perfect, only you make it with faults and defects. You bring disease, famine, war, poverty, pollution and Death that is not supposed to be. YOU are to blame for all what has happened know.

This may be obscured, can't say much. Too weak to think. Infected by them... Help your sons... Your daughters. Wake them up. Let them see the truth even if it looks ugly, but what it is as it was before, they will see the true beauty of it. I cannot tell you anymore. My work is done. You shall need to uncover others. This not a war that is supposed to happen. It is done because you have started it. God only willed it. To weed out the faithful and to find the Fakers. Beware of That Person. He shall make you believe what is not real. Religion that he brings is almost the same, but different than the original. Those who are reading this, I can;t make it to the end. I have to leave this world.

World.World.World.World.World.World.World.World.World.World.World.World.World.World.World.
WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.WOrld.
WORld.WORld.WORld.WORld.WORld.WORld.WORld.WORld.WORld.WORld.WORld.WORld.
WORLd.WORLd.WORLd.WORLd.WORLd.WORLd.WORLd.WORLd.WORLd.WORLd.WORLd.
WORLD.WORLD.WORLD.WORLD.WORLD.WORLD.WORLD.WORLD.WORLD.WORLD.

Different worlds. Beware of the different world. You cannot see it. A revolution against the humans is nearing. You are not safe. Find a place to hide. THEY. ARE. WATCHING. YOU. I know what you don't know. It is not my choice to share. It is not my act to make it possible for you to believe. You shall see it with your own eyes....

Don't say that I didn't warn you...

Love Scenes in Books: The Do's and Dont's in Writing Hot Love Scenes.

2011-05-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

OK, I've been reading a lot of romantic scenes, love scenes, and sex scenes, until I know what should be done to improvise or change in making the scene believable and can be enjoyed by the people who reads it. So, here are some tips, steps, or whatever you call it in writing a love scene.

No.1: Decide what type of writing you are comfortable with.

You see, a reader should read a lot of books that is diverse in writing the love scenes. There are many of those that just only focuses on on of these two categories. emotion and sex. One can have all sex, no emotion, or all emotion, but no sex. It is important in having in balanced so it sounds believable. One can insert normal fetishes that is condoned by the public, and making it steamier or erotic but also limit yourself so that it does not turn into a sex story. Remember, if it is tasteful and realistic, but not boring and redundant, doing the same thing over and over with the same movements and climax, you are on the right track.

No.2: Make the scenes real

This is one of the important things in making a love scene good and real.Your characters are HUMANS, and one should know the human capabilities and limits in having sex. No one will never believe on had sex 24 hours straight, right? Also, the bodily functions should be written accurately, for example orgasms for women. It is hard to achieve orgasms and it becomes ridiculous when the sex was so good, she achieved multiple orgasms. This is not the TRUTH. Sure, some women can achieve it, but not after like 10 minutes and the man just started thrusting her for 5 to 6 times, and she is spent. That is not the real. Only hentai can do that ;-) . I might like to add the height of sensitivity of the characters are having while having sex. This sometimes can be too exploited to be over-emotional when being teased by each other. It is great when the couple feels hot, wanting with wanton lust, but not when they are only at the foreplay. Sometimes I read books that makes a blowjob feel like it is the most pleasurable thing in the world and the man can't handle it. The women screams and shriek when the men licks, laves her wet, slick soft skin (you know where). To sum it, to exaggerate, one should be realistic, not that over the top that it becomes weird and ridiculous.

No.3: Sexual tension is a must to elevate it to the next level (sex)

Unless you watch porn all the time, one never goes into a room, tears their clothes and start humping like a dog in heat. The writer should be aware the place, the environment, and how to utilize fully the place in making the tension elevate. It should be done from the start as it is gonna drag when you just start with innocent conversation and making turn to sexual will take a lot more pages and thinning the readers patience. Writers should at least show the physical aspects of the sexual tension, like the muscles, breathingand the tone of the voice used by the characters. After that, transitioning to foreplay will be easy as pie. The thing is, don't make a scene where there is nothing but silence and at the wrong place to meet and have a love scene on the spot. It should at least know what they are feeling. And please, never ever have that scene spoiled, like, "Suddenly, someone knocked at the door". I cringe and have the urge to burn the book when it goes to that path. If you wanna write the damn scene, do it properly.

No.4: Set the scene and mood of the characters

This involves the 5 senses of humans, scents, sights, tastes, sounds, textures. Add this with pleasure having sex, putting it into natural form. What you normally do to be turned on by something, that's what you should be writing in there. The scene can be a candle-lit room, with romantic songs playing, add lingerie and the man only wearing silk trousers. This I'll leave it to your imagination.

No.5: Use the background/talents your characters have in initiating the bond between characters

An added bonus for this is when you put talents in your characters and using it to impress the other party rather than being an average Joe or Jane falling in love with normal circumstances, like personality and physical appearance. Add things like he's a musician, or she's a dancer, a stage actor role playing with her. Keep it interesting and strengthen the bond when the act is done. It can also be done by both, like both dancing sensuously under the stars with Heaven gazing above them. Something like that.

No.6: Point of View

This is a crucial point in telling the love scene, especially the sex part. Some like tot tell it from both point of view, some only the man or the woman. For me, because sex is a couple thing, it should be viewed by both points without spoiling the emotions of the other part in the other point of view. Meaning, when having a point of view from the man, One should not describe the feelings of the woman when the man is having sex with her. It is better to change views if you want to tell it. However, You should not change it frequently, as it will confuse the readers and makes them frustrated in following through which character is having the emotions. Be careful with this.

No.7: Details, Details, Details

This is also important and crucial when writing all novels or fictional works. Never change the physical appearance and characteristics of the characters. Once she's a blonde, and then she's a brunette, or this dude is short and stocky, suddenly he's a tall, lanky dude. Readers are aware of this and will question who is actually the character.

Next, details as in what attracts the hero to the heroine, One can never look and fall in love at first sight. Sometimes beauty can be skin deep. It's what we all are attracted to first, before knowing her/him. You can say that he's attracted to her soft, luscious lips while she's sipping her drink, or when she sees him jogging and checking out this hot body.

The next detail is how the meet with each other. This should at least be interesting than the overused dropped something and the guy helps her pick it off the floor. Formal introduction or a friends introducing to one another is also overused. Try like they wanted to buy the last loaf of bread, of she stumbles on him, knocking him off his feet and she landed on top of him. Just be creative in making the introduction unique and romantic.

No.7: Dialogue

Can you imagine having quiet sex? Seems bloody awkward and there are no feelings when having sex with no moans and naughty dialogues in it, right? Using dialogue within a scene of sensual awareness can heighten the erotic edge immeasurably. Just a few words can prompt enough excitement to make your reader unbearably uncomfortable.

Next is never, ever use bad euphemisms describing the anatomy of the human body especially the intimate parts. You see, his throbbing erection or her wet, slick soft skin is acceptable, but please do not use euphemisms like her Secret Garden, Tunnel of Love or his Man Meat or Magic Wand. Unless you're trying to be funny, AVOID it at all cost. Do not use the direct word of penis and vagina, it kills the buzz in the erotic feelings. As a rule, it is better not to mention it frequently as the readers know how sex is done and part of the anatomy will be used.

However, adding humour in sex is a big plus. Humour can merge better with sex as it is boring when one is too deep in pleasure, it feels serious and more to obligation in having sex with each other. One can add like, "You won't go soft on me, are you?","Baby, I can never go soft on you like this," he grinned like a giddy child. Make it tasteful, easing the tension and one should be enjoying the sex.

No.8: Less is more in love scenes

Love scenes should be told as it is, you do not need to be describing all the minor details, like the length, or how is her breasts, and many others. Sometimes a short love scene can be filled with erotic pleasure of two to five pages. Don't forget the foreplay, desire of each other teasing one another sometimes is hotter than humping and bumping. Making the reader feel what your character feels is what we want to achieve in writing a great love scene.

Don't be too obsessed with the intimate parts of the body too much. We all know what they are doing and which part of the body they are using. So, get on with it and don't waste pages describing it with detail.

However, to make it long enough so it doesn't feels short, describe what they are thinking when having sex. It what makes the readers know the intentions of why and what is actually happening . Thoughts are important in knowing if the sex is for the sake of pleasure or just for fun.

No.9: Don't write sex for the sake of sex

Continuing from the main point, the sex should have meaning and purpose in having it. The purpose and reasons should be strong because one never throws away their virtue willy-nilly like that, especially women you are virgins in the story. It should be strong enough to initiate the feeling of love, pleasure and eroticism to let the hero in penetrating her, giving away a gift of her virginity. It should have the strong bond between them and that's what makes the love scene believable.

No.10: Reveal something after the love scene

Like in number 9, after the love scene, they should have reasons, feelings after their private interlude with each other. Tell the readers if the characters feels guilty, satisfied, pleasant, or downright sated from the hot sex. Admitting of loving her/him, proposal of marriage, reveal hidden emotions, or any devious schemes in having sex with him/her makes it interesting and readers will delve more into the story.

So, what I can summarise is that love scene is actually fun to do. Let your imagination go wild, but one should put a line to limit yourself in what should be written so it is believable and real. Love scenes can make or break a story. if it is bad, people will skip to the next scene, wasting paper and story. However, if it is done properly, it can make the reader delve deeper, feeling wet, hot and aching for the actions the characters are having. So, those who are interested in writing love scenes, you are welcome to read this as a guide in making one hot, sexy story. if you would like to share me some of the stories, I'd like to read them. I won't be criticizing coz I'm also an amateur in writing it. I'd like to learn more in how to write the love scenes it can make any women melt while reading it. Heh, I'll be back another time, folks. Keep it real, and goodbye. May we meet again for another long, useful entry, awright? Cheers...

Life, Angels, Prophets, and Devils. -December 28th, 2007, by Rizalinium-

2011-04-19T02:10:00.001+08:00

This is Rizalinium speaking. My heart swells with pain of excrutiating pain when I try and think how God controls LIFE. It is a taboo to ask how God does it and it is also forbidden. However, I question on how Life works on its own. When God let LIFE roll down the hill, many turning events occur in Life and it becomes a snowball. A big snowball of disaster waiting to destroy hundreds, thousands, even millions on helpless humans not knowing what will hit them. It rolls silently to our path rolling, crouching like a tiger trying to pounce on an unlucky prey. LIFE Lessons nowadays are torturous for humankind nowadays. The Lessons of LIFE are the hardest to pass as our lives are a big test of God. The hardest question of all is answering the question that sounds like this?

What is the meaning of LIFE?
How did LIFE exists?
Why are only humans and other living things only need to Learn LIFE?

These questions don’t have marks. they don’t help you get through university. It is about how you live on the earth given by God for free.FOR FREE!!! God doesn’t expect any money from his Followers. Just our faith and undying devotion to God. But this all changes when God made a pact with the Devil. All of us would live in peace and harmony if the Devil didn’t butted in Gods’ business. But he got the green light by God to wreck havoc on earth. We are the participants of a wager between God and the Devil. Who are the real followers Of God? Who will fall? Who will Win? Our Lives are a big reality T.V.

Our course of Life will be shown to all human beings who lived in this world and we will witness the ups and downs of humankind. This is where LIFE becomes a neutral stance between God and the Devil. Both share LIFE and maipulate it to something good or bad. LIFE exists as an innocent power source for human beings. Adam And Eve, God Bless Them, lived a Happy Life in HEAVEN. Then the Devil manipulated LIFE, changing its course 180 degrees. Letting Adam and Eve commiting a sin and then get banished from Heaven. The Question is, Why didn't God, Or Any Angel in that matter, look an eye, metaphorically, on those two, and detected the Devils presence in HEAVEN?(The Devil was banished from heaven due to stubbornness in bowing in front of Adam? BUt why did any living deity in HEaven Prevented Adam and Eve from eating the Khuldi fruit?? Was it intended by God to let Adam and Eve "banished to Earth" and make it as though it is a chance for human beings to live on earth, fighting the Devil? The Devil must think that The Devil had won. In my opinion, I think The Devil made a grave mistake.

You see, if The Devil Just Bowed to Adam, none of this would have happened. Adam and Eve would live happily ever after. But, if The Devil Didn’t do Its thing, Then LIFE wouldn’t be borned. I think the course of this LIFE was planned from the beginning by God unintentionally spark by the Devil. It is a Master Plan by God designed to humiliate and Destroy The Devil In the End Of Days. God wants The Devil Destroyed By MAN itself. Fast forward to earth, civilisation comes and goes. none of the Humans Living on earth are capable of destroying The Devil. When Humans reproduce, so does the Devil. So, to guide the Humans God sent Prophets. Teaching humans to Live to do God's Bidding. ANGELS GIVING LESSONS TO THE PROPHETS To teach tthe commoners. This goes on until Prophet Muhammad’s passing. Then, the people who lived after him will get the Final and toughest test of all. God will not hold on to LIfe anymore. The Devil is in control of everything. LIFE, once in a neutral stance turned to a playground of the Devil. To rewind a little. LIfe was a hard thing to learn. once,It teaches us harsh lessons of living.

Now, It is a catastrophic, Gigantic disaster. The Devil has its own Army terrorising human beings. LIFE has turned ugly. We are living on the darkest years of our lives. The thing is, we should remember what life used to feel like back then. How it helps us even if it hurts. LIFE made it that way so that we will be tougher on earth. We can withstand any Devils torturous attacks. It seems that the Devil has mutated to an extent that it can destroy those who are opposing it. The Devil can Take the shape of a human being. This human being is really ruthless and merciless. It only thinks of killing. I have to stop for now because I have my own Demons to kill. I will get in touch with all of you other time. But for now, It is goodbye and don’t be fooled by the Devils charm… May Peace Be with You.

Sex Is Healthy and Fun! A Healthy Sex Guide in Making It Interesting.

2011-03-30T21:59:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I just wanna say, I already sent my thesis, machafuckas!! I'm free as a bird, and I'm blogging again. So, this is what I want to talk about. SEX.

OOooohhh, It's a taboo right to talk about sex? As a liberal, I'm OK talking about it. We should perceive sex as just something normal that a man and a woman should do. Well, if you're gay, uumm, well, we'll talk about that some other time.

Sex is actually like, how to say it, to soul intertwining with each other, embracing in passion, lust and enthusiasm. It is better to make it as an act of Love, showing care and appreciating each other. One should only indulge sex when they are legally married, and marriage makes it more fun as it is legal in the eyes of God, and normal people who has morals.You see, sex is what makes the population grow, and that what makes it better. Not only you can enjoy sex as an activity with your loved one, or ones, if you married more than one, for guys actually. You get something in the way that shows that you are successful as a human being. Children. That's what drives people in marriage, to have children.

You see, when your wife tells you she is pregnant, one should feel like the luckiest man in the world. You have succeeded in knocking up your wife, giving her the pleasure the always wanted, which is sex, and also an heir to or more with each other.

However, when people want to know about physical aspects of sex, it should vary and much more interesting and fun. One should know what your partner's likes and dislikes. Add a bit of kinkiness,or spice to your love life is actually the best way to have a happy marriage. This is because sex uses a lot of energy and one should give their best in pleasuring each other.Think of it like an exercise, you have warm ups, foreplays, the sex, the cool downs, which are cuddling, and sleep.

To have sex, it should be done with proper planning. One should start slow and progress to other steps. Firstly, you should take care of your health and hygiene. Women are hard to please, and man shouldn't be selfish in sex just to satisfy their needs only, not taking account on the feelings of the woman. Exercising to build up your stamina is important. Sex should be longer, I've heard that a regular Asian only have the average of 15 minutes of sex. For me, that is a bit too short. At least, stretch it to 30 minutes would be good.

Next, hygiene is important. One should not have sex with a dirty body and with body odour. That is a major turn off to guys and girls. So, to take care of your hygiene, one should at least take a bath, obviously, and wear fragrance to spice things up. Shaving your privates is optional. If you like it shaved, by all means do it. However, this is a choice between you married couples. Some women like men to shave their privates, but I heard that some women dislike this. They say that it is easy to get chaffing from all the continuous skin friction, causing minor burns. Dunno, only read it in a magazine . And please clean your, umm, part of anatomy that needs to do a lot of work. Y'know, you don't wanna catch STD's right? Use Dettol or any disinfectants, to make it clean as a whistle, coz it's gonna get dirty from all the sex.

To women, one should wear something sexy that exudes sensuality to men. A negligee would be good. Find some naughty costumes to make it interesting. You need to know how to get your man's attraction in making them participative in sex. You can wiggle and jiggle your ass--ets or do some diiiirrrty dancing. Well, to go farther, install a pole in the bedroom, do some pole dancing if you are brave and bendy. I like bendy, dancy women on poles. Hehehe... Moving on, men should appreciate what your wife is doing. Do not take for granted on what they are doing to get into the mood. Some touching here and there, worshipping her beauty and all the right words she wants you to say.

Then , comes the touching and foreplay. Foreplay is crucial part in initiating sex. You should learn where and when to touch. Sensitive spots of a woman can vary, some of em like it a little fondle and a kissin' on the nape, the throat, the hands, shoulder, back, feet. One problem is to go straight to the pleasure points which are the breasts, her derrière and her privates. They become uncomfortable is you go straight there. A good man should roam the whole parts of her body, caressing, appreciating, worshipping her physical beauty. Give her a thorough inspection, like a professor scanning through your thesis to find faulty in it. Heh, couldn't resist typing that. When all the part is discovered and plundered, then you can go to the Pleasure Land. For women, men likes to be touched at the front of his body; his chests and abdomen. God made mouths for other purposes than talking. Those lips can tease certain parts of the body. Make full use of your tongue as well. Kissing doesn't mean on the other mouth, but other places as well. The places can be places where you feel comfortable kissing. Next, 'll be talking down about blowjobs and pussy licking.

For me, this is actually done more in porn videos and is glorified through it. This is optional. You feel like it is clean doing it, then by all means start the sucking and licking if you want. However, think back that those places are near to places where you urinate and defecate. The percentage of it being clean is rather low, so try and avoid doing it. Those part of anatomy are only used in the indicate place, which is putting your thermometer in the mouth of your patient, get it? When it comes out the reading will be higher than usual, get it again? OK, moving on.

With all the pent up sex tease and sexual tension building between a man and woman, it's time for the real sex. You see, sex is not just you stick it in, release and take it out. It goes beyond the imagination of a bored person wanking to cool down. There are like various positions that can be practised through out your sexual escapades. The usual positions done ummphteen times is the missionary position. This position is where the man is on top of the woman and giving it to her. There are other positions that can be done to spice up your sex life. Let's see, there is the classic doggy style, which actually have 3 variations, which are, classic doggy, lazy doggy, and extended doggy. Next is the cowgirl, a favourite full deep penetration for women to make full use a man's utility equipment . It also comes with a reverse cowgirl where she is facing away from the man, but in the same position. Spooning is taking your girl do it from behind, sideways, reclining. The plough is for men who are not that well endowed, shoving into her while she is lying down, with her feet pressed to her body, and the man pushes it in, giving full force to her and with the help of gravity and Newton's Third Law, makes it oh-so pleasurable. The butterfly is also famous position. It's like the plough, except you make her legs open wide and lift them up high, and give it to her like a real man.

Tired of doing it lying down? You can also do it standing. The normal position is the Stand and Deliver. It's just like missionary but standing. There is also the Reverse Stand and Deliver, where she is facing away and you are delivering it to her fro behind. The other one is the Cradle. This positions can be done if the man is strong enough to lift the woman in a cradle position where you lift her on the knees, and giving it to her at the same time. This is only done if you have the strength and you are like, twice as heavy as she is. Doing this against the wall can help you ease the weight you are carrying.

Ok, there are many other positions, but I think I'll leave it to you to find it yourself. So, try and mix and match the positions. One should be creative in having sex. Doing the same thing over and over can make sex boring. The last thing is when a man reaches his climax and ejaculates... emmm... his love juice. If you wanna have a baby, then fire away in the right place. If you don't, try and wear a condom, but that takes the fun out of it, innit? Try coitus interruptus if you can control your ejaculation. This can only be done with practice. One just cannot control and to take it out on time. Where to release it, I'll leave that to you. The high velocity of ejaculation can make it spread like a shotgun blow. It disperse if one releases it hard. Some can release it gradually, like squeezing water from a water bottle. Women are hard in achieving orgasm, only certain times they can achieve the level of immense pleasure. Dunno why, but hearing from experienced people, they just feel like disconnected that the other partner is like not that satisfied after the sex. Everything seems, adequate. Nothing mind-blowing about it.

Well, after all the hot sex and humping and bumping and jerking, it is better to cuddle up, compliment each other. It is rude after sex, you just go sleep just like that. Hold her tight, give her some soft kisses, and you can sneak a nap or go to sleep. Well, after using almost all the energy, a guy deserves a rest , right?

People think that sex is only done in the bedroom. Actually sex can be done anywhere in a confined place where you can get privacy and not violating the rules of gross behaviour. You can do it anywhere in the house. The kitchen, the living room, the bathroom,or wherever you feel comfortable doing it.

So, to sum it all up, be creative, spice up your love life. It can save your marriage. It can also avoid infidelities among married couples. To show that you respect each other is also important. Always ask if she can have sex or is it the time of the month. Don't do it at that time. It's disgusting and dirty. Sex is actually fun and healthy and be your night exercise. People actually wake up in a good mood after having sex. So, promote safe sex and don't have sex until you are married. So, see ya next time. Be nice, eat your vegetables, exercise and take care of your health. Goodbye!!

P.S: Nice picture, eh? ;-)

Disasters and Atheists Attack in YouTube

2011-03-11T21:39:00.000+08:00

As stated above, the tsunami hit Japan near the Honshu with the Richter scale of 8.9. The death toll is rising and those who can't do anything can just pray for the safety of those who are badly hurt from the tsunami. So, we pray and people will start talking about religion and about God's wrath. However, atheists are very annoying when they come and crash this praying for safety, telling those who have a religion and sympathising the victims to STFU about religion. That is rude. I mean, we, people that has religion, has the right to pray for the safety. If you don't believe in God, don't start trash talking about those who pray for them.

I've been browsing a lot of videos in YouTube and a lot of the comments are God Bless Japan and Hopes and Fears, Praying and all, but some people, those with no religion, just start talking shit. These are some of the comments left in the video about the Japan Earthquake (Can't put all of em', too much.)

1. And by the way there is no god. You're all acting on anecdotal evidence: because someone told you its true you believe it to be so. Think for yourselves and free your minds.

2. STFU about religion for a change

3. Please shut the fuck up with all the praying garbage.

4. Can people stop with all the 'may god have mercy on these people'... if you really believe in him, you know that he made this mess...

5. Stop talking about GOD! There is no God apparently, and if there is he won't be of any help now.

6. Why the fuck are you guys going on about religion? STFU (This one got 30 Thumbs Up, unbelievable)

7. They report those who quote from the Bible as Spam.

I feel so pissed off when these people act like this. Please respect those who give their sympathies to those in need. What would you do if your country got hit by a natural disaster like that? You'd be praying to God if you know you'll be dying coz there will be no one to help you. God works in mysterious ways. There are reasons why God made this, as a sign that the World is Ending. Repent, and always remember to God. If you don't believe in God, please,

shut up. Just let them be. And lastly, stop with the jokes. It's becoming annoying. I did enjoy it first, but then, you just have to have a pinch of guilt when doing it. Hope and pray that they can bounce back from this disaster and move on with their lives. And may they makes more cool games after this, fun animes to watch, great cars and cool technologies. Short one this time, if you have any relatives in Japan, call them to know if they are safe and sound. And to those in Mindoro, Burma-China Border, those who live near the Bali Sea, and also in Labuan and North Sabah, stay safe, go to higher ground. Nothing more, goodbye and wassalam.

I Don't Love You Anymore

2011-03-10T20:35:00.003+08:00

When I see you,

The feeling has lost itself,

Buried far away under,

You have become,

A distant memory to remember,

When we met in December,

Our lives were dismembered,

We became demented,

We have lost the game of love,

We were defeated,

You became a song,

Of a broken-hearted desire,

We fell to the holes of repeating liars,

Lies that burns our passion of fire,

To be ashes of the forgotten past,

I am sorry to see you now,

For saying "Say it no more",

Because I do not love you anymore,

My love died down,

You couldn't care anymore,

I cried when I saw you,

Walk to the door,

I cannot bear the pain,

Of my heart that is sore,

Because the love could never be more,

The work of our love,

Was accidentally torn,

For I cannot love you more,

For I shall walk to the door,

Because I do not love you anymore,

When I walked farther,

You shouted hoarsely,

You said we were perfect,

Now our lives are finished,

I'm sorry but I have to leave,

I did everything until i couldn't give,

I'm in no mood for love,

I am no longer above you,

So I will walk away,

I hope you will find another,

That can love you forever,

Everyday, every year,

But before I go,

I would like to say it one more,

I don't love you,

ANYMORE....

This poem was written on the 17th of April 2007. This is still my anthem in break-ups in my life. It was dedicated to my ex when it we were not really in good times, so I dunno how to say it in front of her. So, I composed this poem to her and guess what, we broke up smoothly. She wanted out, I wanted out. Still, this poem will always resonate in my head, those mistakes I've done, the wrong turns I've made. Those who just broke up, read this. It kinda cheered me up, though, depressed as it is. Enjoy this poem, y'all. Thanks for reading, Goodbye...

Dude, What The Fu---- Moments in Driving.

2011-03-09T21:47:00.001+08:00

I may be a green horn in driving the roads in Malaysia, but now I know that today the younger generation behind the wheels is like giving a 5 year old his/her first bike pimped out with Nitro.

Firstly, I dunno why we need to drive so damn fast, highway, laneway, parkway, shit-way or one-way, you need to put the pedal to the metal. You think life is a game? Simulating Grand Theft Auto or Need For Speed? In real life, there are pedestrians, and the drivers are not all young and fit. Respect other drivers please when you are driving in any places. Coz last week, I was reversing from a parking lot, when some asshole in a red Proton Saga zoomed behind me while I was reversing and my car was half out to the lane. The bastard missed me by a foot, I braked suddenly and I horned him. But then, he just zooms and went his way.

Still on with speeding, on highways, what I hate is TAILGATING. This happens in the middle lane, where you are following the speed limit, when some jerk is following behind you too close. If I didn't love my life, I'd just brake suddenly and make that piece of shit swerve another lane or hit me. It boggles me why can't they just overtake me or at least back off a few feet from me, where it is safe, if anything happens it front of me, I'd suddenly brake, you won't freak out and swerve. This is commonly done when people drive fancy cars, they harass small, cheap cars. They think they are so cool with their Benz, BMWs, Waja, Perdana, four-wheel-drives, etc. I don't give a fuck what car you drive, I know I only drive a ViVA, your cars are so expensive, it has those top technologies which really doesn't improve your driving skills, bitch. you wanna show off that car, go to a racing track-lah, asswipes. Highways are meant for people who needs to travel to one place to the other, not a racing track.

Enough of that, the other one is cars who swerves left to right just to be fast. Dude, you wanna be fast, the right lane is for you. Those who wants to exit use the left lane. The middle lane is for moderate speed and give way for those who wants to speed at the right lane. What is commonly seen when driving like these are Satria, Myvi, and many Proton cars on the road. They were originally on the middle lane, and then they cut from left to right. In my mind, I'm thinking,"Are you running away from something?" Idiots. This becomes worse when someone tailgates these idiots when swerving from left to right. because these guys actually make way so those who also wants to get there fast follows behind them before other cars fill in the gap or accelerates to close the gap. One time this happened at the entrance of my University. There is an exit if you want to go to the hostels, going straight will lead you to the main campus. I was heading to the traffic light in front of me to go to the main campus. Well, I sped a little just to make it i front of the line, but then, this genius overtook me from the right, cuts in front of me and make a left turn to the campus. Shit, he could've waited a few seconds coz the turn was just a few feet away. Really, an expert in "car stunts" that guy was. If I had a gun, I'd shoot him happily. Maybe these guys are fantasizing about The Fast and Furious, I guess. They sure can make me fast in swearing loudly in the car and make me furious while driving.

Next is impatient people who just can't wait to turn when there are cars coming from the main road. Dude, I'm coming from the main road, you're pushing your car bit by bit until you're hogging the road. This happens alot in busy roads and also roads that has no dividers and people start to make illegal U-Turns. See, you're driving a big ass Murano, or Harrier, you wanna make a quick U-Turn on the road. As you try to U-Turn, you over did it, you can't turn more, so you stop, and reverse and tried again. Well, you see, you're hogging the road, damn it. You should've turned the steering fully before turning. Or better, U-turn somewhere where it is legal to U-Turn. I'm thinking, how the Hell do these people ace their driving exams? Do they bribe the officers? I dunno, it sickens me the way these people drive.

Another is beating the damn red light. This happened to me when my light is already green, so I drove. But then, some asshole beat the red light and drove like it was his daddy's road and passed me, thank god, far away. OK, what if I sped a little faster, and he tried to beat the red light? Accident right? You don't need to be a genius figuring that out. Don't want to say more about this. What I can say is this, RED means STOP. GREEN means GO. Simple, yet people are retarded because of eating too much fast food and drinking carbonated water and liquor to understand the rules.

Driving at night, oh man, this I hate. I'm not that good seeing in the dark, even with the lights on, but there are three things I hate: People using head lights, blinding drivers in front of them, Mat Rempits (Those dudes who do free stunts on motorcycles and some illegal racing on highways, if don't know what it is) on highways, and drunk drivers (Scary if the drunks are lorry drivers). Those using head lights, are murderers. You are blinding us drivers on the front. I can't see what's behind me, I can't switch lanes because I don't know what is happening at the back. Those with high astigmatism, I highly recommend you to slow down and let that driver overtake you. Rempits, well, can't say too much. They are bullies on the road. Some got there cars kicked for "hogging" their race track, swerving dangerously in front of the cars, smashing windows and robbing people, list goes on and on. Y'know what, if they get caught, just burn those motorcycles, and hang those guys. Period. And yes, drunk drivers. Having a fun night out, clubbing, you dance and shit. Then, you are wasted from consuming too much tequilas, whisky, rum and beer, you still wanna drive. Bad move, mofo. I can give advise to these people, go with friends, have one person as a designated driver. Or if the worst happen, take a cab, go back home, and take your car the next day. This is common sense, people!! Drunks can drive in a straight line. Everything they see are in slow motion and everything is too loud for them. Their reflex are slow, so braking and making judgements are terrible. Please, don't drink and drive. You almost hit me on the highway near Sunway, man. You were still drinking while driving. Well, thank God you didn't crash, because if you did it would be in the news.

So, all that I can say is, if you don't want to be an asshole behind the wheel, learn about the rules and don't think that driving is kids play. There are people who treasure their lives and you can be a Grim Reaper if you don't follow the rules. Defensive driving is the best way to drive. OK, that's it. Drive safely, think of your loved ones, don't drink and drive, drink moderately, have a designated driver to drive you back. Respect other road users. Don't speed at crowded places. Give way for those at the main road if you wanna make a turn at lastly, this is important. DO NOT BEAT THE RED LIGHT (unless if you're colour blind, can't help you with that). Pay your summons, and eat healthy food, awright? Don't be a murderer. Goodbye.

Bla Bla Bla, How Porn Videos Are Made.

2011-03-07T02:36:00.000+08:00

Weird things are happening right now. I just read the news about a tree that weeps, is actually the piss of the female fly cicadas trying to get her freak on with male cicadas fly in some hot fly action. So, they like secrete this urine and people willfully drink it because they thought it came from the tree and it is a miracle. Crazy ass village people. The length of people to try something new and superstitious has no bounds. Its not that I don't believe in miracles and all, I do believe very much in miracles, just that, c'mon, fly piss?? Might as well drink scorpion poison and get done with it. There's more, like if you have a cold, some people give you a soup with the frogs Fallopian Tube in it. Or eating chilled monkey brain like in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom as dessert. Well, it's a crazy world out here. (Weird Introduction, huh? I thought so.)

I've been browsing some naughty, dirty stuffs (legally, of course) and found this shit bag Max Hardcore a.k.a Paul Little (real name) a.k.a Max Steiner (stage name) who got sentenced for 46 months in prison for being "too hardcore and simulating child pornography". Yep, he makes videos of adult women acting like 12-14 year olds and degrade them. The acts I'd say, are vile and disgusting to the Max. If this is porn, I'd outlaw it in a blink of an eye. I've watch countless videos and nothing is worse than pissing on her mouth, gagging her until she vomits, reenacting 2 girls 1 cup (Google it, I'm gonna throw up elaborating about it), ass fucking until the ass gets swollen and hurts when she needs to take a shit, drinking stuffs from her ass, cum dumping, etc. Before being sent to jail, he put this bullshit of a statement on his website before being shut down:

" Humanity progresses through offensive ideas. Socrates was sentenced to death for corrupting the youth of Athens. Copernicus and Galileo were arrested for proving that Earth was not the center of the universe. Jesus was crucified for teaching a religion of peace and acceptance."

Well, those people actually contributed something to the educational world which actually turns out to be true. Jesus, is a religious figure which teaches good-will and the ways of God. Max, on the other hand, only has, what, pissing and ass fucking, gagging them with his dick until they vomit. Y'know, if one day they outlaw pornography, we know who to find, eh?

I'll be very liberal bout this. If you are curious, and want to watch porn, please watch normal ones. Don't go being brave and watch crazy ass shit like this douchebag and be affected here on after. I know it is a sin actually, but kids nowadays have the Internet and you can't stop them from browsing private stuffs. Not watching it is the better option. However, if you're horny and need to jack off to a real good movie, watch normal ones, like only 2 people in a room getting it on and the only crew are the cameraman and the lighting man.

Trust me, porn is FAKE.

Porn is like wrestling. They only enhance on what is lacking in real sex. I've seen a documentary on how they make porn videos. A normal porn video is made in a span of 3 to 4 days. These big production, such as Reality Kings, Brazzers et al. they have standards and guidelines in choosing the actors and also they need to be healthy and they don't have any history of STDs. They need to get monthly checkups with doctors before doing any scenes. Talking about the scenes, when you think everything looks natural, the scenes are already planned. Meaning, those hot sex moves you watch are actually acted before doing it in front of the camera. They apply special lotion so that they can last longer and not release in any awkward moments. The producer and director actually lays out the story board and tells the actors which position needs to be initiated first, then to the second, the third and the fourth, and ends it with a money shot.

At the beginning, you think they "stumbled" with some hot random girl and that girl suddenly wants to follow them to their house for a "closeup" for a new movie? That is the normal plot in almost every legit porn movie from the big productions in a having a real plot. The often used plots are babysitter, boss-secretary, teens looking for quick cash, girl-next-door, and others. Actually, these girls are like, y'know amateur models, trying to get quick money to pay the bills. Somehow, watching the videos and actually deep thinking on why these girls actually consented in doing sexual acts. Seems kinda sad, and then you fail to get an erection because you fell the pain of the girl and you just wanna get on with the video anyways coz it's actually good.

Some girls are actually one timers and some are bound to contract, making it a career, hence, are called pornstars. Famous pornstars like Tera Patrick, Jesse Jane, Priya Rai, Nautica Thorn, and male pornstars like Peter North, Lex Steele, Randy Spears, and Ron Jeremy are just little of the many names of famous pornstars who has turned from just porn actor/actress to power body production makers. They become very business-minded and started their own production and making money out of it. Who says pornstars are dumb? In America, it is a very lucrative business and it has cheap labour and only needs things that are natural in human emotions, wanton lust, great body and the ability to fake orgasms. (Really! Not kidding!)

The plots and the actions are carefully planned and detailed so that the angle of the position they are in can be delivered on the screen. So, the colour of the room, the clothes they are wearing, and the dialogues in initiating the sex it self is important. Like movies, where you have box-office flick and box-office tank, porn videos also have these things. Great videos have famous pornstars, with big breasts and a big butt, and guys who are buff and well endowed giving it to her like a real man. Some, like independent productions or amateur videos, only rely on video cam and the actors has to do at least two jobs. The cameraman and the actor. This makes it difficult to do and somehow doesn't appeal to porn viewer connoisseurs.

Also, there are genres that needs to have the viewers liking in it. It may be the straight up sex, interracial, physical fetish, etc. They need to know what the viewers want and the dislikes. There are literally hundreds of genres and only a handful are actually used by the big productions. Other uncommon genres like BDSM, squirting, orgies, are not that well received by all, but then there are many of them who are more liberal and accepting to these genres.

Yeah, to those who only watch porn videos just to get your freak on, know what you're watching because what you see and what you will forego on your wedding night is actually different. Real people have passionate sex and they actually have feelings for each other, unlike in porn, they are paid to do it and they don't care about feelings, just another day to get by. I can't say that I am condoning public sex as a norm in our society, I'm against it, but this post is actually tells you what goes behind the scene and what is really happening. We only see it as filthy acts but somehow they are also human, trying to live through the day. The best thing is to have Sex Ed. in schools in telling them that sex can only be indulged when you are married. Also, have normal, safe sex, where the key goes into the lock, not the hole on the wall, if you get what I mean. As a religious person and someone with common sense, don't have sex out of wed-lock.

But then, watching porn is also bad, so don't watch it in the first place. Learn from reading Kama Sutra books, like I did or ask other grown-ups about how they make babies. In society nowadays, it's a taboo to talk about sex unless you are married and required to have sex without knowing what to do (Damn, which hole to put it in?). Please, come prepared, I don't care if you're good or not, as long there is love and caring, a relationship will be strong like diamonds. OK, that's it. Nothing more. See you next time, Goodbye!

Annoyed, Frustrated and Angry.

2011-03-05T13:35:00.002+08:00

Remember those old times when you just typed a post and published it just for the sake of fun? No strings attached of seriousness? I'm just trying to a be a raconteur, telling you stories, stories that may be dark, gritty, twisted or horror. It may not appeal to many people but it is a passion, something I feel happy in typing it. Like Stephen King, or Alfred Hitchcock, I have that knack to make stories of horrors that would be kinda disgusting and really not for the faint-hearted. I've written a bit but only on paper. However, make hinders me to publish these stories actually is because you people are too consumed by moral strictures, you cannot swallow something out of the norm.

You see, bloggers nowadays are so consumed by the number of viewers, we tend to stray on what is the real purpose of having a blog in the first place. I'm trying to fall back to the old ways, a story teller, a poet and a loud voice in disagreeing in a any acts that is not right. Somehow, I've fallen into that trap where because I couldn't garner more viewers, I decided to change course, another point of view, which makes me sick and annoyed in typing about relationships, boy-girl stuffs, etc. My poet inside me has died, or may be walking on egg shells because I can't be creative anymore. I can't write a damn story for months. I'm being someone I'm not, and it pains me to say that I'm cheating myself just to have viewers reading my blog. Writers guilt, I'd say.

What I really want is just to be happy with what I write, without other people criticizing about my work. But now, I'm fucking pissed that when someone doesn't like my work, you Report Abuse. Haters, wherever you go they just crop up out of nowhere. If you don't like what I write, buzz off. The X button is on the top right here, click it. I've even put on the adult filter on. So, why do you insist on reading the first, second and third if you hate it? Fucking psychos, you assholes are.

Another, there has been this on going pseudo-rivalry on who accumulates the most viewers. For me, I don't give a shit. I write it, and if you want to read it, it's your choice. There is no rivalry between other bloggers and it's really annoying for me to write and not being conscious of what I write because it will be scrutinized any ways by you narrow-minded Neanderthals. This false rivalry made me feel aware on what I write just for the sake of people not whispering about my "jealousy" because someone has more viewers than I do. I don't care about all of this. I am who I am and that is what I will write. I cuss, who cares? Why do you give a damn anyway.

I think because of this too consumed by the viewer power to change a blogger that I resort in talking bout nice stuff. That's not me. I feel sick in the stomach writing about it. Now, I don't care about all of this. I'll be writing what I do best, angst, swearing, dirty jokes, trash talking, etc. Like Kurt Cobain said, "It's better to be hated for who I am, than being loved for what I'm not". Dunno why, but this ends here. I don't give a shit about viewer acccumulation or what you comment. I just wanna express my thoughts and whoever reads it, thank you and does who hates it, GET THE FUCK OUT!!!

I will not be swayed by viewers criticism and what is good or bad with my blog. The contents are solely from what I've gone through or read, and I don't want to write anymore of this self guiding post on improving your life. You wanna improve your life? Solve it yourself. I don't give a two-piece shit about it. No more comments on what I should write and complaining the sensitivity of the contents. What your read is what you get, and that is that.

Remember, this is my blog, what I write from now on, isn't what the viewers want, but what I want to write. You be a good reader and just read. No more Reporting Abuse, and close the window and never read it again. I'll back off and I need to cool down from these ridiculous comments I'm receiving. Deleting it should do the trick. No, I won't share it with you. Lastly, fame and being attention-seeking-whore is not what want to be, but just a guy trying to type what he feels. I don't care if one days no one read my blog, just I that I know I have that pleasure in typing those things and people understand it, nuff said.

I'll back off and cool down, and no more trying to be helpful and nosy. Goodbye and hope you people out there live peacefully.

Marriage Talk PART 2

2011-03-02T23:53:00.002+08:00

It's been a hell of a journey, doing this thing for fun and then it turns to something serious and all that it takes is just a notebook and an internet connection, and an identity. Well, like I said, life is like a roller coaster, it goes up, down, sideways and upside down. You hear a lot of people giving advice, bla bla bla... It gets boring when you grow older, listening to the sermons and people saying things over and over and over and over. The Wheel of Boredom rolls like a Death Circle, consuming the anything interesting and happy and substitute it to something lame. It gets awfully boring when you live alone. People say that for someone to overcome this loneliness is to marry. Yeah, simple, obvious fact.

But what happens when you feel like you are not destined to get married? What happens you become old and still perverted and a womanizer at the age of 59? You have sex with a lot of women but that empty feeling is still there. What good is it to have all the money in the world, all the cars, big boys toys, the ho's you can afford, but you don't have that legitimate loving towards one woman, that grand passion you want to have. I'm not talking about sex, but something more than intimacy. That is what's lacking in me. That feeling of when you're with that someone, you get goosebumps, that feeling of protectiveness, that warmth flowing when you intertwine, in a most intimate hugging. All this time I see girls, all I can see is that she is bang-able or not? Is she bendy and great in "gymnastics"? Then, it made me thinking that it is more than sex, it's that pure love i fail to see with my eyes and heart. I've been living alone for what, 4 days and it sucks. What happens if you feel alone for the rest of your life? Not married, no heirs, parents already moved on.You feel that a reality check is appropriate, to know what the hell is happening. When people think that their career is important, what good is it to your life? You work, and then you will retire, what happens next? You will regret that when you were young, you don't have the time to find a wife, to SHARE your life with. Your other half of your soul, mixed into a pure, innocent love that can overcome all the problems in the world. That is much much more important than sex. You need not only a partner in bed, but a partner in life, a best friend that helps you anytime , anywhere and always sticks with you no matter what. I just realized this just like, moments ago.

Also, to find a future wife/husband, you should be cautious. A happy wedding does not mean a happy wedded life. A wedding is just a show to show the world that ou are legally married. However, what happens next is another story. This is where it gets wrong in movies and fairy tales. The magic or accursed phrase, "And They Live Happily Ever After". We only see in novels, movies that in the end, they get married, but do you know what married couples nowadays will have to go through? Financial problems, pregnant wife, difficulties in married lives, demanding baby chores, both are working. Preparation for the up and coming baby. difficulties in pregnancy. You think it is easy nowadays. Take that fictional happy ending of wedded life out of your mind and get back to reality. Life has obstacles and it is easier said than done when you say, "I wanna get married!". You have to prepare and not let your genitals to the thinking. My mother said to me,"If you wanna get married, don't think that you can only have sex all day long. Don't just make babies, and when you have one, don't be lazy when you take care of the baby".

That got me thinking. I'm stressing this because nowadays, I hear some girls when they say,"After graduating, I wanna get married". Hmmm, in my opinion, why don't you enjoy single life first? Work, enjoy when you can with your friends. When you are matured, like in the age of 25, you are ripe for marriage. Married life is demanding. For men, it is a demanding mistress, apart from your wife. It is hard for me to say, I'm gonna get married after graduating this year. Huh, you want to give them sand to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner? I have planned, well, a tentative to be exact, if there will be any changes, to at least marry at least at the age of 28,29? The latest is 30. I need to prioritize my life first before helping someone else. For girls, I think they should at least wait a bit, know what is there in store for them before getting leg shackled to a man.

You will regret it if you marry too early, especially at a young age. Don't worry, you will find a great guy, who cares, adores, worships you. No need to rush. There have been cases of infidelity when women marry too young. Feeling dissatisfied with their lives, they find enjoyment with other men. It makes me sad to feel her pain when the husband goes to work everyday, comes back home at night, and then goes to sleep without talking. The routine goes on and on and the wife got boring. To guys, when you get married, don;t just say I Love You, show them that you love them deeply, form your heart, surrender to Love. Spend some time with your future wife, and when you have children, take care of them with the right responsibility and not overdoing it. Making your sex life interesting may save your marriage. That, I'll leave it to you to find out how to do it.

The reason for divorce cases that is on the rise is that couples are not communicating often like they used to. Everything seems to be predictable, boring and even redundant. Do something fun in your life. Learn how to dance, go jogging together, read the same books, go karaoke, for the young and hip and unrepentant couples, go clubbing, under each others supervision, of course. Find that feeling of intimacy and loving that is waning when you have married for a long time. Hey, I'm not married yet, but I can see it in my parents, my brother and my sister, who just got married 2 years ago and a baby to boot. Married life needs to the like a car. You have to go for a service every once in a while to keep the motor running. I don't know what young newly-weds do now, but for old people like my parents, they like to go travelling, to see the world. To relax, go with the easy flow. I like that, but I like travelling the hard way, Backpacking. no need for fancy hotels, just motels would do. However, if I get married, well, you need comfort in bed, when THAT time comes, huh?

OK, moving on, make sure when you promise her to love, to cherish, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, you meanit. Vows should not be taken lightly. It is an oath, that you take care of each other, no matter how tough the problem is, you stick together like glue. You advice each other, what is right or wrong. R.E.S.P.E.C.T is key to a stable marriage. A united understanding is also important and teaching each other any good moral values of married life or life itself is important. Next is the importance of in-laws and how they react to your married life. One should know your in-laws and love them like your own family. Do not treat them as strangers when they come to your house. It is important to have that strong bond with them, especially when you need them in helping with a first born baby, or new wife problems, the taboos in marriage and all other things. However, set the line between being helpful and being nosy with your life.

Next is your health. A healthy marriage does not only mean the relationship, but your health physically. Take care of your health, exercise, be strong and fit, because when you get sick, it gets hard for the other to function without worrying like hell. Always feeling sick will restrain that intimacy because a sick person cannot have a normal intercourse, unless you can't stand it anymore. In finance, only buy what is needed only when you just got married. Newlywed always have financial problems, firstly, to find a house, to pay the bills, thinking of saving money for the firstborn baby. Spend wisely. To indulge, it can wait years to come, when the children has graduated and can support themselves, you can do whatever you want. However, you can spend some money for a family trip or vacation, but don't spend outrageously. And lastly, a happy family is a religious family. Teach them the ways of God, I don't if you are Islam, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Jew or any other religion, that to have meaning of life and living, religion will light that path.

As a Muslim, teach them the Iqra', Quran, how to pray, discipline them in praying at the right time, follow the ways of Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. This is because with no religious background, a family will be broken, as it has no pillar to support it. In Malaysia, we call someone who just got married as building a mosque. This is because it is a nucleus in teaching yourself, your wife and children about Islam. Teach them the history of Islam, the warriors of Islam, the prophets, all about Islam. Buy books, encourage them to read and know that religion is important, as nowadays, there are many non-believers and anti-religion people on the rise, or atheists. Set rules and disciplines which are not to restrictive, but under watchful eyes of you and your wife.

Well, I think that's it for me, hope you endure this boring but informative entry posts. Hope you consider this thoroughly when you want to get married, and please, PLAN AHEAD before jumping in the freezing water, because you have to have a swimming suit to dive in, but in not in your birthday suit. Heh, jokin'2. So, I'll be going now, hope you guys and gals have a good life ahead, live smart, think smart, die smart. Can you die smart? I dunno, hope to try it sometime. Tis goodbye, until we meet again in the future, dear readers. Goodbye, Ciao, Adios, Au revoir, Selamat Tinggal, and Wassalam...

One Happy Family, Y'all!!:-D

Past, Present and The F Word With Plans.

2011-03-01T18:43:00.000+08:00

OK, I know it says past, present and all that, but I meant to say is the future, yep the F word I always hate to love and love to hate. It's so unknown to all of us that it emits fear. What will happen in the future. Is it gonna be good, or bad, or nothing will happen? For someone like me, who will be graduating this year, feel that emptiness of the future, where your are given a choice to either work, or continue your studies. You see, I've never had a steady job in my life. So, to say that to work after having my degree, I don't feel safe with only a degree. A degree in Environmental Science, well, for Malaysia, there's not that much of a prospect for Environmental Science graduates. I went to my Uni's Career Placement Program, and all these big companies trying to attract students in working with them. The most wanted students are IT students, engineering, management, economy, human resource, human development but no Environmental Science. I feel that we are the lost in trying to find jobs associated with our field. We have to jump wagon to other fields almost the same to our degree, like forestry, biology, chemistry, physics. But then, they'll choose those who are majoring in those fields, making us like second grade people. The prospect for environment in Malaysia is a bit restrained, not to say there isn't any, but for too little. OK, there's the Department of Environment, but then, how many people can work there? There are other government departments, but jobs that are given are not specific, and it is more to office work, not technical stuff.

I'm not trying to be picky here, but I think that other courses have a better chance in getting jobs that is related than ours. To tell you the truth, you think Environmental Science, we don't even learn about biodiversity or animals and plants, those are for biologists. We only learn to monitor the natural resources, study the cause and effects of the environment alongside with development. That is what we Environmental Science students do. So, we look at private companies dealing with environment, which I think is not diverse and not that many. This is because the government is still in control of environmental monitoring and only privatizing certain aspects of environment, like Solid Waste Management and Water Quality. Anything else is under the government or half government or government funded. There are some companies that are fully privatized but they don't have the technology and experience because of lack of experts in the field.

There is the new branch of economy in Malaysia which is called Green Technology, trying to make buildings sustainable and all. However, those are for architects, landscape designers and engineers job. I can't see where Environmental Science students fit in. We're gonna do what? Monitoring the building everyday, I don't thin so. Here comes the overlapping of jobs between Environmental Science and Environmental Engineering. We don't do the same thing, but we learn the same thing, but they learn more in engineering but we learn more about science. However, when we go out, they have the better chance in getting jobs than us. Because of the word Engineering at the back, people flock to them like hungry children in Africa gobbling each and every single one of them, while we are pushed to the side, not knowing why they can't get a job. I tried talking to my seniors and all of them didn't get jobs related to them. Some of them just came back to become research assistants, tutors, or lucky, working outside the university but doing something different. If anything else fails, they register to be Government Servant working for the Ministry, which is typical, considering old people saying don't be choosy in finding a job.

Yeah, yeah, I know, don't be choosy and all but then what the heck did we study for three or four God damn years for? Fun? No, so that we specialize in what we do, and do jobs in improving that one aspect that we all neglect, the environment. We hear, "Save The Environment!", and then we see them litter and smoke at the back. Shouting slogans won't make the rivers become crystal clear. Wanna take a swim in the Klang River? Or maybe Gombak River?

So, you want to know my future? I've been thinking ahead. I plan in furthering my studies, doing Masters, but not in Environment, but in Psychology. I need to learn more and take more subjects as I don't have any background in Psychology. Maybe I'll be doing it overseas, or local, I don't know yet, need advice on that. I'll be specializing in Environmental Psychology, a rare branch of Environment I don't think people know exist. I don't know, it's a thing for me to like delve into minds of people, reading the thoughts, how they react to situations. Y'know, originally I've always wanted to go to criminology, profiling offenders, murderers, psychopaths. It WAS a passion of mine, but then, I missed it. So, to compensate, I want to try Environmental Psychology. I want to do it until my PhD and maybe try to be a lecturer, teaching the minds of people and how they react to the environment and its changes. We all are trying to be GREEN, but how far is it that we want to be sustainable to the world and its resources? Why do we pollute even though we know it is wrong? Why is it that we are selfish and oblivious when we want to make it easy for us, without considering the effects of degrading the environment? See, it flows in my mind, the way people think is fascinating. Those who don't have a good imagination, will struggle with me when talking about anything metaphysical stuffs. If by any chance I have too much time in my life, I still wanna pursue criminology. We lack this in Malaysia and I want to do some profiling of criminals in Malaysia, so we can protect any repeating offenders and profile them according to behavior, so we can tackle the challenge the right way, without any further damage to innocents (P.S: I've been watching too many Criminal Minds and Lie To Me on TV, heh).

So, I'll stop, just need a future reality check in making any future moves right now. I don't want to be left in the dark in the future. I want to illuminate it before stepping into a dark place. Are you ready for your future? What lies beyond the present you are having now? Better prepare right now, or you'll regret it. Goodbye, see you next time and Wassalam...

The Nostalgic 90's Music and My Early Childhood Memories.

2011-02-25T10:30:00.000+08:00

Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think it understands~~ And if you break my heart, my achy breaky heart, it might blow up and kill this man, Woooooo~~~ Yep, getting contry-pop style with Billy Ray Cyrus. OK, the real reason for this entry is that, out of curiosity, while watching Youtube, I typed all the boybands I've been listening to in the 90's. Boy, that really took me down to memory lane, as in flashbacks, not the store. I've been listening to like, The Moffatts, Backstreet Boys, N'SYNC, Gil, Aaron Carter, Ultra, Kavana, 911, Take Five, Five, Take That, New Kids On The Block, All-4-One, Boyz II Men, I grew up listening to these songs, singing along with my sister. Actually I improved my English by listening to English songs. My mom actually encouraged me to listen to English songs, much to my dad's dismay, who said don't neglect Malay song, unfortunately, they don't appeal to me, except for Siti Nurhaliza and Amy Mastura and KRU.Shit, it's like getting in a Pensieve, like in Harry Potter, where you can delve into other peoples memory. Looking back, I was a happy, pudgy kid. I was hit with the girls back then. Moderately intelligent, a teachers pet, mischievous, I wan like a mix of everything. These songs are actually like chapters in my Life I've been listening to spark the long lost memory of being a kid. Listening to pop songs made me Happy, singing your guts out, dancing like drunken strippers, swaying hips here and there. I had that stint where I was afraid I'm gay or something, so I manned myself to like girls and success I achieved. it was great to flirt at the age of 12. Singing to girls was my specialty back then. They all blushed and ran away. I know, it was corny as fuck, singing to girls, holding flowers. Shit that was embarrassing as heck.
It all started in the early 90's, like in 1992, I was 3 years old. The first song I can remember is Enter Sandman, Metallica. It was a hit, and Nirvana wasthe King of 90's, conquering Generation X like a hurricane. I memorized songs when I was 3, like Enter Sandman and Lithium. 3 years old, people think kids that age only knows nursery rhymes. Fast forward to primary school, I ruled the singing stage, like Rachel in GLEE, well, NOT like Rachel, but I just love to sing, everythime there's free time, I sing alone or with someone. Serenading to girls, I was quite a charmer at that time. Hehe, stupid things boys do to impress girls.
I freakin' miss those times. I just wanna break out into a song in public and sing it to her, like Blaine did in episode 12 Season 2 of GLEE at The Gap. OK, enough GLEE references. I wanna be that kid again, brave, shameless, doing things that he thinks is right to impress girls. I'd give my heart and soul to God to turn back time and relive those memorable primary school days. I thought back then, what I want to be when I grow up, a teacher asked me, I want to be in a boyband, sing like KRU and Backstreet Boys. the teacher laughed and everyone else. That made me think back after that. Innocent and Naive... Cool right?
So, listening to the songs, it evokes that happiness, it lowers my Blood Pressure, and gave me wet dreams along the way. Well, it's a short entry, just wanna express it, coz I've been breaking balls since last night, jigsaw puzzling my thesis chapter 2, Literature Review. So, until next time, dear readers, Goodbye, see you people again, and Wassalam. Rizalinium has been awfully quite these days. he hasn't syrfaced for over a month. He is like, my dark muse to write a blog. That's why I've lost my finesse, but when he's gone, I feel relieved he doesn't mess my head with carzy notions and ideas. OK, enough chitter chatter. Goodbye, again, and again, Wassalam...

Me And Happy Pills.

2011-02-25T03:15:00.000+08:00

Not according to the title above, I'm being very unbalanced in the head right now. I'm being deprived from human touch, meaning hot girls that wants me to touch them provocatively and explicitly. I'm single for almost a year, and I'm horny as Hell!!I'm trying to play down the libido swelling inside of me. However, my dick is twitching violently when some hot, sexy girl walks past me shaking that ass (just walking, actually). Maybe I have the Over disease. Over happy, over emotional, over horny, over the top, over stiff till it hurts. I just wanna go to a public place and sing Grenade by Bruno Mars to unsuspecting girl walking past me, serenading her with passion and emotion. I NEED that badly. i just need to spank some asses to cool down. I just need to feel that feeling of immense pleasure of releasing the frustration of not releasing fishes to the open sea. It's so overactive I don't think there's an off button to it.
I just need that skin to skin rubbing each other, creating skin-friction, chaffing. Haha, got carried away. I have this idea how to study effectively with your lover. Easy, make sure she wears a buttoned down shirt, or any formal wear with buttons.She will ask questions and when you answer correctly, one button goes off. However, if you get it wrong, even only one button left, she will have to button everything back again. Kinda challenging but well worth it if you get it all right. It makes you get that pumped-up feeling to learn and feel horny at the same time.
Yeah, bout the last entry, got kinda Rage Against The Machine for a bit. Really, I'm just that foulmouth. I talked to my neighbor just yesterday, he said, "Did you join the protest in UPM?Crazy kids,eh?". Translated to English, I just felt like cursing those damn Pro-M sonovabitchezz, making all UPM students look bad, and then I went back home and wack off to cool down.
Heh, seriously, maybe it's in my blood that being too serious with Life, I've missed all the pleasures God has given to me, which is girls in general, ready and waiting to be my next victim of intimacy. Right now, I'm just listening to music, read romance novels, watch violent videos in the Internet. These things actually made me HAPPY, like Happy Meal in McDonalds. It made me forget all my problems, and increases endorphins, making me happy. My type of happiness is different, only certain people knows what my happiness is. With a bit of THAT, I'd be a happy man for weeks to COME.
C'mon, I'm at the end of the road eh? Go for broke and try to end it nicely, PLEASE! Of all the endings in my Secondary School Life, Matriculation Life, they all ended BADLY, don't let it end badly in UPM too. I wanna live in peace, and make sure to forgive before you never see that person ever again.
Now, I'm listening to Hidell, Going Down in Flames over and over and over again. It has been years of forgetting about them, since the Moffatts days, remember Gil? Dude with the long long hair singing in the Moffatts video and Let The Music Heal Your Soul. Yeah, I still remember him . And Kavana, who can forget that Pretty Boy every Gay guy dreams of.
Hey, look at the time. So, Don't Worry, Be Happy! Ok, Goodbye and Wassalam...

Poli-Tricking, Violence and Acts of Stupidity.

2011-02-23T23:19:00.000+08:00

OK, after a long hiatus thinking I can finish my thesis writing came crashing down in flames. I just wanna do what I want to do best, and I will ridicule the way the election is held in universities in Malaysia, which I think sucks shit. This post will be filled with a lot of profanities and I suggest those with conservative views in life, to well... fuck off.

OK, let's start the mocking. Firstly, there're two groups fighting tooth and claw for the seats in the Student Body. One is called Pro-Aspirasi, a group which is for the government. The other one is Pro-Mahasiswa, which, well, is the opposite of Pro-A, obviously. So, after intense campaigning, telling sweet sweet lies to students, the votes tallied, Pro-A won 32 seats and Pro-M only 11. This happened in my University in University Putra Malaysia. Seems like another boring election,right? Fuck NO. It gets better.

Seems the bigwigs of UPM officers actually forfeited the Pro-M from election because they said Pro-M actually campaigned as a group. It should be campaigning as individuals but can be as a group as long as you don't show it as a group in plain view. So, what happens next, will blow your twisted-fuckin' head off from this UNIverse. Get it, UNI verse, as in UNIversity? Heh, bad joke.

Why, protest and riot of course. The Egypt-rioters would be proud of them. Surrounding the Academic Building, they DEMAND... the nerve of students nowadays, the Vice Chancellor and Deputy Vice Chancellor to come down from their office for a showdown. So, with their sheer force of anger because the VC and DVC didn't come down, they forced their way in the office building, shattering the glass doors, injuring the guards, which one of them was injured almost stabbed by the glass. This is Embarrassing with a capital E. We are students. Parents sends their kids to universities to study, not go politicking, faulting the Officers in every aspect of life in UPM. Do we even need to resort to violence? What do they achieve in violence? What the fuck is playing in their mind right now? Don't they even feel a pinch of guilt injuring people? Wow, two fingers up, guys. The middle finger, which means FUCK YOU! (Cee Lo Green, 2010). Practicing my thesis writing, can't help it. So, the bigwigs actually gave back their 11-seat victory to Pro-M, after what, busting the entrance door, and injuring two innocent guards on the way? Wow, I thought students are supposed to be mature. I feel ashamed of posting this, coz I know, all the people in the world will read this and say, "What the fuck is wrong with Malaysian students?". I'll be the first to say that I'm not one of them bastards/bitches using fists rather than words. But, this will serve as a lesson to students that. If you want to win, win it cleanly, follow the way the religion tells you.

Hoho, I forgot something juicy. On the day of the election, some officers cars and motorcycles got slimed. I mean, got their cars and motorcycles doused in paint. Wow, the audacity of these students showing hatred to the officers. These people are acting like primary school children plus like a bunch of thugs. The mind of obsessed people are fucked up like bloody drunkards with an attitude. That's the highlight of the year in UPM 2010/2011. But then, they lost, boo-fucking-hoo, sore losers and all, and then, a simple but ingenious idea came to mind. Well, if we lose, might as well fuck it all up in the process, hurt a people or two, do a bit of vandalism. Well, congratulations. You just fulfilled your long time dream, my aggro-crazy incensed people.

So, how to minimize it in the first place? Well, firstly, those officers, the higher people shouldn't just like, forfeit the Pro-M like snapping a finger. They shouldn't act like a jury, judge and executioner at the same time, without a fair trial. Wrong move there. They're like dousing fuel to the fire. Facing the wrath of barbarians of the Pro-M. Next paragraph.

Ahh, Pro-M... What to say? If you get disqualified from the election, you get angry, right? I know I will be. However, does VIOLENCE sort it out. HELL NO. Going clubbing might solve it (yeah right, asshole). Joking2. Well, a negotiation is a way. Demand a reason for the DQ and make an appeal. I know, bureaucracy bullshit. It takes months for it to go through and then it will be forgotten. Pushing it is the way to show determination. but then, they opted for violence. Like I said up above there, stupid stupid stupid (Steve McMahon, ESPN Pundit, 2010). They're ripping the hearts out (Shebby Singh, ESPN Pundit, 2010) of the officers like a bunch of cannibals, with the thirst for blood and hungry for their meat. OK, being over theatrical there. My solution, BE NICE, nuff said. I know there are riots in Egypt, Yemen, Bahrain and all, but no, rioting never solves it peacefully. I wonder why are the Muslim population so worked up nowadays, with the rioting? Why this year? The End of Days, perhaps?

So, I'll be like backing off, y'know, chilling round, doing my thesis. I really feel a bit heavy conforming this, but this is fucking serious. The future of Malaysia rest in the hands of hooligans. So, use your head, think positive and pray thou shalt not be bastards/bitches of society. Told you there's a lot of profanities here. OK, see you readers around next time. Bubbye and don't go rioting-for-no-reason-that-is-not-serious-and-you-riot-for-the-sake-of-bringing-people-down, OK? Peace, like John Lennon and Yoko Ono, or Mahatma Gandhi, or anyone else you know. Wassalam...

Gossip: Dangerous.

2011-01-26T05:48:00.000+08:00

GOSSIP:

Y'know, people making false accusation are just the biggest bunch of losers and punk ass idiots who deserves to be burned alive. I freakin' hate people who GOSSIP. XOXO, Gossip Girl my ASS. Not to say about the percentage of the truth that comes from gossip, but almost all of it are lies just to sensationalize some half-baked story and blowing it all out of proportion. To be the center of gossip, and being alienated because of these vicious gossip is hurtful and can destroy one's self-esteem and pride. I don't know what kind of pleasure they get from spreading lies about someone else. I won't say that only girls are the biggest percentage who does this, but all of us, albeit MAN or WOMAN gossip like hell. It's easy, just say something scandalous to someone who can't keep a secret to save his soul and it will spread like wildfire. The gossip will become more and more ugly as it us passed one from one to the other. People nowadays just swallow any shit spewing out of these LIARS coz they don't think it through. They only use their ninny-brain head and weak common sense and bad judgment alongside with first bad impression thinking. This is killing the bond that all of us are trying to strengthen. we are only weakening it more and more. It destroys marriage, friendships, it creates war, hostilities among two parties.

I'm saying this in general because it is happening everywhere. The world is running through gossip. Tabloids, media with full power that can put stories without finding out if it's true or false. It shatters even the most powerful people in the world. Gossip has seeped in our vein, like blood, it thickens and stains even the most innocent into a gossip monger. What I can deduce from my observation, when something good happens, the hype only lasts like, two weeks or so and will quickly disappear like wind. Gossip, I tell you, will circulate like wheels on a car, recycled into something absurd and will stick in your head for years. The affected party will be in scrutiny for something that is simply a bad move into a full scale attack by gossip mongers. To shorten it, LIES spread faster and effectively than TRUTH.It evokes anger and dissatisfaction by all. It is easy to show anger than compassion. Sympathy, humm... You won't see em' it gossip. People will bash and bash and bash until you want to see that someone lying in a pool of blood. To add injury, you burn em' or break his bones. This is spoken figuratively, but that is how it feels. Being a celebrity, times it to millions. The whole world will know, no thanks to the media. They even make a show for gossip and tabloid news. We also have newspaper about it. Can't you see the aftermath of it when something that personal is shown publicly? We laugh and talk about it for years until our grandchildren knows about it. If you think virus is dangerous, why can't we see that gossip is much, much more dangerous. it is worse than a pandemic like H1N1, SARS, and AIDS/HIV. We see those because it takes lives, but we don't sympathize those who are hurt inside. Their, mind, body and soul constantly attacked. We all suffer at least once by gossip flu or fever, except that this flu/fever is hard to cure. It takes time to heal. It is hard for people to look at you the same, forever scorned, a soiled dove, freak. If we brand serial killers as monsters, look at yourself first. if you are a gossip monger, you are the worst type of people in the world. You might as well be murderers, because the punishment is Death. It's funny that those who initiate lies aren't punished, but will be told off and warned. We only see physical harm as the most foul crime. I can't believe that we, people that embrace religion, any religion that teaches us that we must be friends will all, succumb to cutting ties with someone by creating gossip. What is the point in having a religion if you don't apply what you learn from it. Wait, I don't need to say religion as an excuse, coz actually it is common sense, right? Do you like people that trash about you? No, right? So, why do it? Do you need to be provoked or be the victim to know how it feels? Gossip is actually a rich people hobby. it is then infected to the middle class and then the lower class people. It is meant to bring down people sp those at the top falls down. then the middle will move at the top, the lower class moves to the middle and those at the top will seek revenge, being at the lower class, spreads more lies at the middle and top class. It rotates, it eats inside a hierarchy of the basic human organization. Gossip (Lies) is indeed the most potent virus that infects us without us knowing it, and the only cure is like a drug rehab. Withdrawal is most painful. Shivering, vomiting, migraine, and occasionally black out coz it is hard to stop.

Why do people gossip? JEALOUSY. Can't elaborate it anymore. Use your head. Link and connect this and that, and you'll know. I'm typing this because I am also infected. I am once the center of gossip. I recognize the symptoms and trying to find the cure. it is hard to stop. At least I have the guts to stop. Those out there who likes to gossip. PLEASE S.T.O.P. You get nothing from it. Like always, I'll stop here, for you to think very, very thoroughly about this problem which is infecting us worldwide. Get help, there are people who can help you to overcome this disease. If you feel you have this problem, I can slightly help you. I'm no expert, but any help is good help, right? I'll back off now. Thanks for reading. see you next time. Goodbye and wassalam...

This is Z.R.R.L.D Territory, Marriage Dream, and Expectation in the Future.

2011-01-20T02:24:00.000+08:00

Yo, wassup my lovely bitchezz and Not-Gay-Bastards, we be chillin' round town tonight makin' hot coffee all over ma crib, y'all. HOLLA!!! Uhuh, another wannabe gangsta who can't talk like one, or even pretend to be one. Vanilla Ice can do it better, man. Whatever it is, this is ZAMZUL RIZALINIUM RED LIGHT DISTRICT ZONE. Red light meaning I can express anything that is in my mind, barring all the censorship and black bars or blurry vision covering jack-shit. Like in Amsterdam, except you mix all the sex, booze, drugs, politics, juicy scandals and all trash news in this blog, you get all the nasty things. I'm not that typical blogger talking routine, day-to-day, meaningless bullshit, I talk about MY meaningless, day-to-day, routine bullshit. Big difference there. Unique my ass, I'm just different. Unique is not the right word. I have found my other species, a species that is trying to find the faults of LIFE and we are trying to make it better for everyone, and we don't care bout your vital, demographic characteristics or even the statistics. When everyone is happy, the world becomes peaceful. I may need a princess in my heart, someone who will give me that different kind of LOVE, something not typical and stereotype. I wanna be that brave guy I once was, that devil-may-care attitude, playboy-ish, don't-care-if-I-get-caught attitude, making girls fight and I run away. Hang out with the wrong crowd who thinks that they think they are wrong, but actually we aren't, just a bunch of punk ass trying to be tough, but failed miserably. Those days are long gone, I wanna be my own King, my own Pimp, and be the Leader of the Left Wing Faction that denies everything and anything. I wanna be that sugar daddy for a girl and make her feel good and appreciated all the time. I wanna get married. I've been getting this stupid dreams of marriage almost 3 nights in a row. I'm in the house, people congratulating me, and what makes me feel good is that I was thin and buff. Haha!! That's just the tip of the iceberg, readers. My wife, well, future wife, in all 3 dreams, are the same, and she is H.O.T and with a bang-able bod. HoHoHo, she sits at the corner talking to her parents and her close friend, then she smiled at me, shivers all down my spine, I was going to collapse. I held myself and shook hands with all the visitors and friends. Then, the dream just stop. Always the same dream. She must be out there somewhere, waiting for me. Now, needs to shed off some pounds(weight, not the currency). Wait, advert time, Pound Sterling now is at their all time low at the exchange rate of RM4.70 = 1 Pound Sterling (18 Jan 2011). OK, resume to the story.
My expectation of the future, do my Masters, preferably in Psychology and my PhD in Environmental Psychology, a rarely touched area of environment which deals with human behaviour and the environment. How much is too much. How do we cope with development and conservation. It's all in the mind. I am very very interested in knowing how the mind works. It is so complex to the level of mindless curiosity. People think differently and may clash in some topics, and I want to learn more on how we use our minds. If there are 6 billion people living, then I want to learn all of those 6 billion minds and know how they work.
I wanna take this opportunity to that girl in my dream, hope you read this and you gave me that feeling of security and tranquility and you make me feel calm and soothing, physically and soulfully too. I just want that feeling to come to me soon coz I've been breaking my own balls one too many times and it really hurts. I wanna pursue this divine relationship and make it an everlasting relationship. I also wanna be the best lecturer there is. I wanna be the one who introduces Environmental Psychology to the syllabus in UPM, making the students know that what we are doing is not by force, but by logic. When to act normally and not be a environmental nut head tying him/herself to a tree or running naked coz the clothes they where comes from a natural resource or some other crazy shit you can think of. I wanna be succesful in both the real world and the afterlife. So, I pray everyday for it will come true. Pray for the peace and the justice that the one's being treated unjust deserves.
I'll back off and let you cool cats slide to te real world, dealing with problems of your own. Until then, see y'all next time, chill and feel freedom from head to toe. Goodbye and Wassalam...

Find Me In The Darkness, My Eye Can See Y.O.U...

2010-12-22T11:38:00.000+08:00

I speak in the absence of light, I reside where the light never exist. You may find me in a blind state of oppressed freedom. I see not your physical presence, but your black heart. I smell the fire that is waiting to burn your skin to crisp. I can touch the sins that is residing in your soul. I can taste the bitterness of your emotions, the rage and anger that is bursting like a volcano. Earthquakes that is happening because of our own faults, we are expanding and it is almost time for us to burst in a splatter of blood. You dare question the authority of God? We are not an evolution, but a creation. The darkness consumes the happiness and feeds fear into our mouths. They rape you in the mind, torture what is left, bringing the soul to despair and shock.

Can you not SEE it now?

You do not need eyes to see what is plainly seen in our hearts. You only chose to blacken it with what you feel is soothing, bu it also kills you slowly. Nothing is what it seems, only what they want you to see. You are fooled by what you see with your own eyes. Your true guide is God, and your heart is the mediator. You are blinded in what they give you, ruining your sight in achieving the eternal light. Blinded by materialism, wealth, and the entertainments that they give you. You can't see through any of it, because you only swallow it whole without question.

And you will SUFFER because of it.

I see you even if I'm blind, to block the invasion of mind. I care not my body rots from the beating, the stabs, the corrosion, and the degeneration. My heart may be stained, but it can still see what they trow at me. I am not a hero to be worshiped, only a lucky soul that saw it accidentally. The world if the Devil's Playground, we are mere playthings to them. They make us see what is wrong is actually right, and what is right is actually wrong.

Your SOUL will pay the price.

The lies they tell you is nothing more than a far fetched idiocy that is cooked up so you will believe it without any proof. It is proven because if one is powerful enough to convince others. Power is everything, those who possess it. Beware, it poisons the soul. That is why it is practiced with caution.

I leave you with this warning, beware of the Liars, the Haters, and the Politicians. May God Be With You to Protect You From Harm. Goodbye and Salaam...

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom (“High” Mode)

2010-12-16T09:57:00.000+08:00

In a twist of fate of destiny in a room of green hue I live in a shoe. I live with my 9 children crying for attention. I’m busy smoking pot, jabbing tar on my arm. I walk without wearing any pants but I wear 5 layers of shirt. I made a habit of killing mosquitoes coz they take out the pleasure of staining my blood stream. I see my seed flowing, gushing like it never came out before, spilling into my wife, with a creation that is always beautiful. I make the world more crowded, a slave to the country that feeds me with God-knows-what forbidden pleasure they shove at you. I fight for the bad side, killing the good, or what’s left of it. I scream at the wall, coz it was built by a murderer, painted by a child molester. My neighbours are just junkies like me. We shoot almost every night, vandalizing anything that is usable, banging anything that is female and hot. I left the children to fend for themselves. I make it a habit to come back late, so I don’t care what the missus is yelling about.

I see something green at the far end of the tunnel. I see it fly around me, dancing a war tribal dance. Dancing to the sick tunes of the Maker’s torture. I lolled around, swaying my meaty hips to the musick, calling for Death and take my Life away. Stubborn bastard, It never came. I kiss frogs for it will turn into a princess, taking any shiny lamps, thinking a genie will come out to grant my wish. I wish it ends. Dunno what, but I want it to END. And kill who I hate, and kill Earth. I wanna live on the Moon, suffocate myself, reminding me about how it s to breath. The pleasure of breathing, we always oversee it. You breathe like a King, I breathe like a beggar. I loved a whore, I turn into one. I sell my body for dope. I make it into a business. A one-man business. I swallow pills like candy, they taste so sweet, like your skin, it heals my twisted mind. I return to Fantasy, never thinking about Reality.

I wish to see Satan, and tell em’ that it needs to Fuck Off and let humans live peacefully. I wish to see Angels, and tell em’ that they need to work harder in killing them bastards who wrecks the earth. I shall see God as a slave, making God as Powerful and Almighty, I will be God’s slave. A plaything for God. I shall be the King of the Slums, telling my followers to fight for what is wrong, and live off human flesh and urine. The people will suffer and will learn what it’s like to miss freedom and happiness. To achieve everlasting happiness, freedom and euphoria, you need to be a scum of the earth, feeding of barnacles and zooplankton. You will learn the true Life in Living, making it easier to know that the pleasure will never be taken for granted. I wish to see my family, but I’ve used all my wishes. Too bad, I was just starting to love them. Hmmm, seems like I can’t get back to the real world then.

I can’t think anymore, it hurts even thinking. It hurts everywhere. It hurts at the centre of my pleasure. I’ve been scraping my neck with a knife, thinking a device them bastards puts inside me. You looking at me? Is that your face, or your ass? Coz it stinks. Must be your pussy then, with a yeast infection. Getting crabs, eh? The gonorrhoea must be kicking in, I guess. Lots of STD’s, friend, wear a damn condom, or two, or the whole pack for protection. I wish to be a dancer, dancing to the cherry cherry boom boom tune. I wish to dance with a lot of bitches, gnawing at my ankles, ripping off my legs. I will come inside each and every one of them. I will build an army of bastards, fighting for me, with me, to end this pathetic world. Baby dumpsters overflowing the trash can. I see them peacefully dying, being food to the ants and other predators, dogs especially. I will go down on History as the worst ever leader and I will cherish that moment. Political blunders, I shall ruin the country that corrupts. I supply weed to children. Smoke up, son, you’ll be as useless as your father. He was a damned junkie like me. So, the cycle goes on, my friend. Up and down doesn’t make any sense anymore. You just make it look bad because you want it to be like that. Can’t you see, friend? I may be high as Marley, but I make sense in seeing the world as Evil as it is. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. The solution is to make problems and the problem is them people finding the solution to cure the incurable, like HIV.

I have become a paranoid, looking at every eyes staring at me with murderous intent. That green thing hovers above me again. DAMN IT, WHAT ARE YOU????? An educator, a provocateur, a saboteur, I think like a spy, act like an assassin, move a like damn grizzly bear. I’m a failure as it is told. I am what you think. I use your information to know who I am. I take off my skin, and sleep on my bones. I sleep with that sickening pain when soil mixes with blood, infection is sure to happen. I sleep in a coffin, buried six feet below. I scratch my way out every time to smell the coffee and the lovely Mary Jane. I burn her every time to give me the boundless energy, the rage that I need and to heighten my sense of hatred to the world.

I love to Hate and Hate to Love. I make it an Art. I am Raziel Rizalinium. I will take this world on the balls, and cut it off. I am dead before you, and will awaken when the END happens. You will see the END, friend. I assure you that, friend. And as I see it, it ain’t pretty. You better wish you’d die before it happens. I’ll be back, friend. Love has blinded you. It shows not the truth, but sweet sweet lies. Good bye for now, for I shall see you another time……

Short Story of Maal Hijrah...

2010-12-06T21:28:00.000+08:00

HISTORY of Maal Hijrah

Maal Hijrah is a significant day for Muslims as it marks two significant events happened in the history of Islam. First, to commemorate the migration of Prophet Muhammad from the city of Mecca to Medina in 622 AD, and second, it is a religious day in which Muslims held prayers at mosques across the country. Day of Awal Muharram Maal Hijrah or a public holiday in Malaysia and is the beginning of the migration of Muslims.

THE STORY

PROPHET MUHAMMAD (PBUH) was 40 years old when the angel Gabriel (as) visited him while he was in Hira Cave. Gabriel told the Prophet Muhammad, he was appointed by God as a messenger to all mankind. Initially, the Prophet is to introduce Islam to the closest friends and members of his family. When he received an order from God to preach publicly, and he immediately comply.
He gathered some followers in Mecca. Likewise, a small group of Muslims were exposed to the deadly threat of the infidels, especially the Quraish, who punished them severely. To avoid such threats, the Prophet ordered his followers to come out from Mecca secretly for Medina (then known as Yathrib). Those who were rejected by their family left, leavibg their possessions and were greeted warmly by the people of Medina. One day in 622M, which is about 12 years after preaching in Mecca, the Prophet was told he was going to be killed by the Quraish people at his home. He waited an order from Allah SWT. Angel Gabriel (as) met him to tell him that God instructed him to leave Medina at night. Following that, he found good friends Abu Bakar as-Siddiq (ra) and asked her to accompany him in his journey.
He also said he plans to Ali bin Abi Talib (ra). He told her: "I'm going to emigrate, but you have to take my place at home." Ali (ra) without much question of obeying the request of the Prophet (SAW) despite the danger it is exposed. That night, a group of Quraish surrounded the house of the Prophet (PBUH). Peeped through a hole in the door, they saw someone sleeping on the bed of the Prophet (PBUH). They are so confident that He can not escape, and they can kill him. When the dawn, they were surprised to see Ali (as) and not the Prophet (PBUH) was getting out of bed. They are dumb-founded to think when the Prophet (PBUH) out of the house. The Prophet (PBUH) and Abu Bakr (as) out of Mecca on the same night. No one knows the direction of their destination and no one knows their hiding place except Abdullah and the children of Abu Bakar, Aisha and Asma.
The Prophet (PBUH) and Abu Bakr hid in a cave on Mount Thaur. For three days they were in the cave. When the Quraysh approached the cave to find the Prophet (PBUH), but they did not enter. They believe the Prophet (PBUH) and Abu Bakr (as) is not in the cave because it is covered by a spider web of yarn and a pair of doves. God help these two people, protecting them from harm. Quraish group then left the cave and agree to return to Makkah. After that, PROPHET (PBUH) and Abu Bakar (as) continued their journey by riding a camel which was driven by a servant named Abdullah.
The three of them used an unknown route to Medina to avoid the hunters Quraish. They passed through the mountains, hills, overcoming the scorching hot sun but they never give up. They put all his trust in Allah Almighty. Meanwhile, the Quraish in Makkah more upset with the loss of the Prophet (PBUH). They offer money to anyone who can catch the Prophet (PBUH). Many tried their luck, but all failed miserably. Finally, with the protection of Allah, the Prophet (PBUH) and his companions arrived, greeted by the Bani Sabin, who welcomed them with joy. After a long time, the Prophet (PBUH) and his friends feel the presence of the end of hope for the future.
Even the new people of Medina that embraced Islam were glad to see the Prophet (PBUH).Clearly, before the arrival of the Prophet in Medina, Islam is increasingly strong in the new place, something that did not happen while he was in Mecca. Then on Monday 8th Rabiulawal equivalent 20 September 622M, the Prophet (PBUH) finally arrived in Quba, Medina boundaries and really get into the city of Medina on 12 Rabiulawal, Friday and the first Friday Prayers in the village of Bani Amar. All Muslims came out to greet him. Beginning from that, the Prophet (SAW) began to build an Islamic state, which turns out to be magnificent. He fosters brotherhood among Muslims and urged them to uphold that right and follow the commands of Allah SWT.The effect of the migration of the Prophet (PBUH) from Mecca to Medina is an important note that Muslims make of this historic event as the beginning of the Islamic calendar.

Confesión o Condenación?

2010-12-05T21:36:00.000+08:00

Yes, it is Spanish actually. Meaning, "confession or damnation?". The story when put into the real thing can't be swallowed by all people in the world. An honest critique or review itself will bring backlash from people from oppose the statement. THIS IS A FACT. IF we confess to something bad, does it neutralize the punishment we did before it? Is it fair to downplay the punishment because someone confess it? Really? Think about it. The damnation of it. Who gives it the right to make sure a confession it what it all takes for the sins he made which is unforgivable? I can't point out what is the cause of it. You can plead for temporary insanity and get away from doing time locked up in the asylum, too. Well, damn me if I just killed someone in a fit of rage, like a hooligan waving the gun in front of the police, I can plead for insanity? Unbelievable.I can't make out the Law itself we have to abide which really, if we read it word by word, it is opposing what we fought for justice and freedom of our world and planet Earth which God has given us the BRAIN for thinking, so use the damn thing properly. Unless your head is full of air, then you're excluded from this argument. Now I know what those lawyers mean when some crazy dude/dudette kills somebody, you died a wasted death. To sum it up, crazy people have the licence to KILL. Beware when you find them, if they have the intent to kill you, better run for your life. It is true. Many of us feel this is out of hand, and needs to be stopped. Can it get any worse than this? I think it can. Nobody is going anything to stop it, so we just have to get along with it. Argh! So fucking annying when someone says that even to myself. Just have to get along with it. If it's wrong then why aren't we doing something? Pleading for leniency and granted even the crime itself is BAD, murder most foul, and you get away with, what, 10 years in jail? does that equate to the loss of a son/daughter/husband/wife/father/mother, and after 10 years, what? They come skipping out of prison, being a better man/woman? Fuck that. This is getting out of hand, no wonder people aren't afraid to commit crimes nowadays. Just want to say it. At least the title is in Spanish. I'll back off and make way for other happy things, or two. I'll be back when I want to be back. Goodbye and wassalam...

The Ideal Bride...

2010-12-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

Haha, you know I'll type this shit, out of spite just to make you guys annoyed with me talking more about, well, holy matrimony.The title is taken from Stephanie Laurens' book, The Ideal Bride, which I think is what I've been thinking for the past 3 months or so. Ok, let us jump to the main point of this entry. So, here it goes...

Ok, what do I seek in my future wife? Well, she must be an intelligent, brave, hardy woman, who can take up a good debate that shows she is an independent woman. Also, she must be sweet and supple, who appreciates my humor, my views and isn't blindly loyal to me. She must speak fluent English, so, yeah, sorry gals-who-can't-speak-English, not interested, no matter how beautiful you are. I need a woman who can take care of a group, a brood of our own, who isn't a loner, but someone who enjoys company, and little children. I find it distasteful those who hates children. Damn them... Someone who is consenting in ,umm... quenching my sexual favors. Someone who is not afraid to do new things, albeit it is kinky or not. An added bonus, but it doesn't affect my views, if you are "bendy" and love to dance..... on a stripper pole... Hehehe, me and my perverseness.

Enough of that, someone who has a complete grasps in general knowledge about the world, religious but not that pious, only those who remember that God still exist and you do Gods' bidding, then you're on the GREEN ZONE, someone who reads, THAT is a BIG PLUS for me. I'm a bibliophile, so, we could have ourselves a "private book club", eh? ;-) I also like a woman who is a good listener, a sympathetic hugger like me. I'm trying not to be biased in looks, but I prefer someone who is pleasant to look upon, not saying she needs to be beautiful like a celebrity, but at least she doesn't look like a trollop. Ah, that reminds me, even if I'm a bit perverted, I can control, I don't like bold women who is outdoing herself and making her look like a fool in winning me, like doing something stupid. I just want a simple girl who is content with her life. If the lady in question likes travelling, yes, you are on my zone.

I like to travel. I always save some money and travel overseas, preferably in Europe, like England, Holland and France. She must be a hardy woman, who can go anywhere, adapt the lifestyle I live. I forgot, you my future wife, will have to go to the Philippines, coz my mother's family lives there, and I always go there. So, brace yourself, my dear. I'm a normal, average guy who just wants any other normal, average guys want. A normal life, Don't bring anything frivolous or anything over the top in my Life.It defeats the purpose of having a peaceful family.

My future wife at least must know how to drive well, and works. I sincerely don't want a young housewife yet. I want you to experience working life until you are settled in being a full time housewife. She also must be an exceptional hostess, who knows at least basics of how to manage an event like an open house. She must be sociable and not just a woman is quiet and sits on the corner listen to others. I'll be glad to help to make her at least sociable.

You see, I'm a helpful person, any problems you see here, if you feel overwhelmed, I'll always be there for you, guiding you all the way to success. Finance, sensitive topic for me. I may be indulgent, but don't test my patience about spending money. I may give you the power to control the money and credit cards, but I will control what needs o be bought and what is a necessity and a luxury. No point arguing that, I stand and won't budge on that matter.

What to expect from me? Well, right now being not married, I can be a bit naughty to girls, but when the time comes, I'll try my best to be faithful. I will be the willing guide, helping us to build a family. Any problems, like having our first baby, we'll learn together how to overcome it. I'll be a happy father and a loving husband. I'm an old fashioned and I follow rules. So, I will follow by the Islamic ways. Don't let anyone come in, especially men if you are alone in the house, tell me where you are going. Never venture off anywhere without me knowing it. I also want to do umrah and hadj at an early age, so save money so we can do it as soon as we can.

To summarize it,be nice to me, and I will be many many times nicer to you. However, you piss me off, and my temper flare as fast as lightning. I have a bad temper, so don't tempt me, OK, I don't wanna be a jerk who is angry all the time. If you know my feelings, then there's a slim chance you'll be getting a tongue-lashing. I, will try and not make you mad, but only madly in love with me... Heheheh.... Am I asking a lot? Nah, I know women nowadays are bright and intelligent, so all those things are just too easy for you. I believe in you. So, I'll leave, make peace with people, and start making myself presentable to myself. Get it?? See ya next time, folks. Peace out and wassalam...

Let's Play Caravan!! Taken From Fallout New Vegas...

2010-11-23T00:31:00.001+08:00

Caravan (Best card Game Ever!!)

One of the new games to play in Fallout: New Vegas is a game called "Caravan". Involving a crap load of rules and tricks, the following guide will help you win.

RULES: Caravan is played with two players building three opposing piles (also known as 'caravans'). The goal is to outbid your opponent's caravan with the highest value of numbered cards. The catch here is that you can't be too low (under 21) nor too high (above 26).

You begin the game by taking eight cards from your deck. Keep in mind the fact that your Caravan will have to follow either a suit order, or a numerical value order.

Once you have your eight cards, you begin by placing either a numerical card (2-10) or an Ace on each caravan. Remember that your pile is going to have to follow suit based on your first card placed, and follow a numerical order following your second card. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by placing a card down that you have multiple of right away, or one that is much higher or out of suit than your other cards.

*Edit- remember that you can press 'up' or 'down' on the joystick to move the card to an appropriate position. For instance, say you have an '8' you want placed in a certain order, move it to it's spot by pressing the joystick up and down. Also, if you want to get rid of the opponent's cards, say with a "jack", simply move the card up to their caravan.

Once you have placed a numerical card or Ace on each caravan, it's time to start building them to a number between 21 and 26 (while outbidding your opponent). So if you take a look at the picture above, you'll notice the top deck has 19, bottom deck has 10. The goal is to get that number between 21 and 26 before your opponent. Once you have a number between 21 and 26, you will be able to move on to the next caravan, where the goal is the same.

Caravans go in either ascending or descending order numerically, and are assigned a suit.
The suit is determined by the first card placed on a caravan, the numerical direction is assigned by the second card placed.
Cards must then follow this pattern, with cards of the same numerical value not being able to be played.
Face cards can be attached to numeric cards, and affect the game in a lot of ways. Click here for full description.
Remember, you can either play a card in the assigned numerical value, OR a card in the assigned suit.
Also important to remember you can play cards on your OPPONENT'S HAND as well.

Once you have a card on all three caravans, you may do one of the following on your turn:

Play one card and draw a new card
Discard one card from your hand and draw a new card
Get rid (disband) of one of your entire caravans

Once you get your three caravans to a number between 21 and 26 that you feel won't be beaten by your opponent, you win the game.

*Edit: Okay, I've just now gotten the 100 wins benchmark. Here's what I have learned.

Keep your jacks for use against your opponent.
If you have 3 stacks between 21 and 26 and still aren't winning, remember that you can't have a tie with your opponent.
If you feel that a card can be placed but for some reason it won't go, it's most likely out of suit. If you have a Queen, use it and this should fix the problem.
King's are critical cards when you are starting out. The best move that I have found to work is to lay down a '10', then a '6', then place your King on that '10'. Instant 26.
I always discard my Joker, as they tend to only take up room and are rarely ever used.
While an Ace may seem unimportant, they are critical in situations where you are outbidding your opponent.

How Face Cards Work:

Joker: Can be played against an Ace, or cards numbered 2-10. Multiple Jokers may be played on the same card.
If played on an ace, the Joker removes all other non-face cards of the Ace's suit from the table. In other words, if you have an Ace of Spades and play a Joker, all cards (2-10) that are of Spade suit are removed from the table.
If played on a numerical card (2-10), it removes all cards of that value from the table. Example would be if you play a Joker on an 8, all 8's (with the exception of the one you played the Joker on) would be eliminated
Ace: Value of 1.
2-10: Have listed value.
Jack: Can be played against Ace, or a numerical card.
Removes that card, plus any face cards attached to it.
Queen: Can be played against Ace, or a numerical card.
Super important to understand- a Queen reverses the current direction (ascending or descending) of the hand, plus changes the suit of the hand.
Also keep in mind that multiple Queens can be played on the same hand.
King: Can be played against Ace, or a numerical card.
Adds the value of that card again. Example: play a King on a 6, and you will add 6 to your hand.
Multiple Kings played on same card multiply the value of that card. Example: 6 + King = 12, where 6 + 2 Kings = 24 (because 6 + King equals 12, and then 12 + King equals 24).

I hope you are all as confused as I am by now! We want this guide to be as community involved as possible, so PLEASE leave your helpful hints/tips below.

The Jester, Apr 14 9:22 AM 2007

2010-10-31T13:30:00.000+08:00

I'm Not A Freakin' Counselor, I Have Problems Too!!

2010-10-26T20:30:00.000+08:00

Hey readers. Do you have problems? If you have one, don't tell me, coz I'm sick and tired of your kiddie problems that is bullshit to me. This is the main problem for me for years since like I was 18. I don't get it actually why they come and tell me their problems. Yes, I'm a good listener, but do I HAVE to solve your problems? HELL NO!! Don't burden me with your problems which actually you can solve by yourself. Sometimes, they give me choices on how to solve it. So, why are you talking to me if you already know the answers? Sometimes I feel like I'm taking the wrong course in Uni. I'm supposed to take counselling, coz in the span of 4 years, I've listened to at least 30 problematic females bitching about boyfriend problems (most popular), studying problems, family problems, health problems, weight problems, sexual performance problems (not kidding), how to have a long-lasting relationship, how to seduce a guy/girl, what does guys look for a girl, why is my boyfriend cheating, obsessive compulsive disorder, sexual addiction, why this, why that and the list goes on and on. Please, don't send me your picture so I can tell you if you have a sexy body or not, the answer is NO. Jeez,if you really have a real problem like dying, or afraid to go to Hell, then that is legitimate. Anything else is just Solve It Yourself Lah!! It is so annoying that it is giving me a headache. I just want all of you to shut up, get the fuck away from me, and if you die, that means one less bitch yapping on my heels. Sorry, its just that I have been keeping this inside of me for so long that I just feel like it's gonna burst out inside of me. Worse, they think I don't have feelings when they come with their sad eyes, cuddling on me, being a shoulder to cry on, giving the pat on the back, saying,"It's OK, just let it all go. You'll be fine. Relax."

Yeah, the words that I think I've used a lot and still i don't get laid after that. Not having my hopes up, but at least I deserve a reward, like dinner, or picnic, or go to the movies, buy me a book, I don't know. At first, it feels so good listening to girls problems. Slowly, it becomes a drag, and then it becomes a nuisance. The problems range from "Urgh, Solve It Yourself" to "Urgh, That's Disgusting. Why Are You Telling Me This?". I've listened to every problem. Now, I'm not surprised to hear any outrageous comments about a womans life. They tell me their period cycle, which I find highly disturbing to tell a guy. I can't comprehend the degree of sharing a secret which is supposed to be private, only your mother and your husband to be knows about it. Really, don't tell anything embarrassing. If I'm the type that can't keep a secret, then you gals are in deep shit. Luckily, I'm a secretive person. However, if you piss me off, I'd happily slip your secrets to the public, and make your life in a more destructive living Hell.

Why am I saying this? Coz I also have problems, mah... You think I lead a problem-free life? I am the most problematic person right now. I even create problems to others. I can't solve all of your problems and let MY problems grow bigger and bigger. You think you're a queen and think I need to solve everything? I'm not freakin' Mr. Solver. I'm just a good listener, but that's it, nothing more. Anything else, do it yourself. Damn, I don't care about your life. You made the mess, you solve it. If you can't find someone who CAN solve it, like your parents, close friends, but NOT ME... You adding your problems with mine will make it worse for me to live. My lifestyle will deteriorate and I can't stand a female voice, angry at someone else, but she is shouting at me, blaming all male population. Hello, I'm a guy, not all guys behave like that. Then, they also blame me in their problems, which I think, deserves slapping until she bleeds. Hear this, you gals are not my girlfriend, and will not be my wife. Yo only come to me when you have problems, but you gals are happy, you leave me alone like that, forgotten like a shadow on the corner of an almost-dark room. I helped you, then you ignore me, the fuck is that? How nice to say "Thank You". What a group of helpless, weak females you gals turn out to be. How are you suppose to live independently if every problem you face you need someone to solve it for you. How are you going to help your husband, children if you act like this forever, if you think this is a good habit, always making others do it for you. Change your life,or better, get a life.

I'll just leave right now, dear readers. If one of you gals are reading this, now you know how I'm feeling right now. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, just don't just talk about your problems. Talk about the weather, school stuff, games, politics, environmental disasters, but not private problems. If you still can't stand on your own leg on this matter, The Star has a column called Dear Thelma or XXX. There, you can write your problems where the professionals can solve it for you, but with no guarantees. You might get scolded back, but it's your own damn fault. Gotta go now. I need a rest. See you next time, same place. Goodbye, and wassalam...

Let It Burn

2010-10-20T12:46:00.002+08:00

Memories flooding out of the Valley of Shameless, heading straight at you, consuming every bit of filth and happiness out with no words describing its fast approach. High in the sky, I fall with a bow of disgrace. Incoherence, babbling the stories you do not wish to hear, screeching sounds of the tortured, filling every cut, bruise and stab wounds with Pain.

Let it burn.

The past that lingers at the back of my mind, searing lightning bolts that jolts my body to life, attending the help that I never needed. You come just to kick me while I’m down. Cheap shot. Coward. You laugh when you see me have my last meal as a condemned man on Earth, waiting for my hanging. Leaving me with a smirk on your face. I wish you’ll die like me, and Burn in Hell.

Let it burn.

The nightmares that haunts my dreams, every night and day. Showing me the sins I’ve commit. You’ve done it too. You escaped, but I’m the one who will feel the wrath of Judgment. You hide like frightened kitten. I will wait for something to eat you up and spit you out like bad meat, leaving you crumples on the ground, blood on the floor, while I’ll smile at you, totally deserving the sins you also commit. I will wait. I will wait, and in the end…

Let it burn.

The shameful acts I’ve done to deserve this, you will do it too. The consequences, the verdict, the jury and the executioner, breathing down my neck, breathing down yours too. It hunts down people like us, killing with no mercy, for its name is Death. When no good comes out of you, we will go down straight to Hell. Like I said,

Let It Burn.

The fire that consumes our pathetic body, grills the skin, the bones. Every painful nerve becomes extra sensitive. You’ll scream in pain, begging for mercy. Cursing the Devil, for its wicked ways. You’ll cry from the torture God has promised those who defy, turn their backs on God. Regret is useless, we can only lie in the Lake of Fire, and…

Let it Burn.

Salaam, this post iis typed for us to see that are wicked ways will be punished by God. This may be a simple warning about it, but it goes deeper in the sense of what we do, we think is right is somehow wrong, but we still do it. So, be nice, play nice, do good stuff, do Gods bidding, you’ll be fine. I’ll leave right now. Goodbye, wassalam…

How Romance Is Portrayed in Certain Aspects of Life... Rated XXX

2010-10-19T16:27:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm just killing time right now on a rainy Tuesday filled with thunders and lightnings. I dunno what to right about, so I'll be talking about the nonsensical side of my point of view in marriage and romance. I know, we all wanna get married, right? You wanna fuck without getting caught, right? Horny bastards/ bitches... Hehehe, well, marriage is like a ride, both joining to make yourself as one energy in this world, then divide yourself in this world, meaning that you'll get children. I heard a joke that says the mathematics of sex. We add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide our legs and multiply..(bow chicka wow wow...)... Yeah, and add some good Kama Sutra positions, you'll be fine. Just treat your wife with respect and bang her good to satisfy her. Don't be lazy in sex. I know coz I see some lazy bums who just lie there and makes the other one do all the hard work. C'mon, it's supposed to be fun. Porn is so fake about how real people have sex. Foreplay seems quite right. No one just tears off their clothes and humps like a dog in heat whenever they get the chance. Romance novels is almost accurate, except they all have really sensitive G-spots and a blowjob is so pleasuring that guys cannot handle it. I ain't kidding, but that's how they write the sex scenes. I was thrilled at first, then i just don't care, i skip the scenes and go straight to the story. I know, romance novels ain't romance novels without the sex scenes. It's just that I've read a lot, it seems redundant. If the scenes, y'know, had a threesome, orgies or hardcore gang-banging, then it will be my pleasure to read it (and pleasure myself... ngeh3...). Sadly, the stories are all about monogamous relationships where his kisses curls her toes and warms her body waiting to explode like volcano filled with wanton, unbridled lust, with lotsa tit-sucking, pussy licking, cow girl position, missionary, and seldom blowjobs. Sadly, no anal. Real people have sloppy, lazy sex which last no more than 20- 30 minutes. If it was recorded, it bore the socks off the most horniest lonely man. Young newlyweds can get their rocks off everyday if they want too. Then, comes the children, additional responsibilities makes the time to cuddle up and doggy the wife seems slim to none.Sometimes, when having sex with no energy can result in accidental sleeping while banging. You wake up on top of your wife with your soft dick still in her pussy. Embarrassing, actually. Or when you get too enthusiastic, you came before you know it. You finished way ahead of your wife before she can even feel her pleasure. After a night of energetic romps and humping and thrusting, shoving and sucking, women wants to talk to you after sex. Maybe I need to create a doll for women to talk too so I can get some sleep after tiring myself doing all the hip-swaying moves. Always save the best positions for special occasions so you won't bore her and make yourself bored from using it too much. They say to have a healthy life and relationship and to stay young, you must have a lot of sex. It's true. Well, hiring hookers is not the solution, but it also works. Just don't get caught, and save lots of money to pay them. practice makes perfect, so I have lots of sex, the sex advice anyone can get. I love consummating with girls. Even if my religion practices polygamy, they forbid threesomes or orgies with all the wives. You must have sex with them one at a time. Seems fair, coz you know they will want to prove their prowess in bed, your manhood will be the victim. I won't be surprised if i hear some poor guys dick got caught off, or bit off by jealous wives. However, I have to wait at least 10 more years before getting married. I wanna have a stable life, with a car, a house and lotsa money for the future of my family. Can't wait to get through the ten years so I can have a family of my own. My own partner in life and bed or anywhere possible to bang her. I'm gonna put a stripper pole in my bedroom, let my wife dance and strip and I'll throw money at her. Well, if she feels comfortable, then I'll throw the money. Who doesn't like that? Tell me. It's not like you're doing it in public, just for your husband. Your married, you can do whatever you like, any sick, perverted, twisted idea as long as both of you reach an agreement in doing it. If my wife brings her friend, I'd be happy to assist both of them, if it's possible, I don't think that will happen.

So, to summarize everything I typed, have lotsa sex, be imaginative, creative, innovative. Learn about her wants, like and dislikes in sex. Be aggressive, demanding and let your lust control your brain, not logic, this ain't Batlefields, just whip your dick out and put it inside her (anywhere you think is possible as long as she feels comfortable when you shove it in any possible hole).I'll just leave right now, getting bored, may be I'll do some maths and read educational books, to get some afternoon nap. Well, see ya next time, folks. Goodbye and wasalam...

A Twisted Love (Poem) April 27, 2007

2010-10-14T15:31:00.000+08:00

How can I say about you?

Thou art lovely and beautiful,

A kingdom of maidens cannot compare,

Their beauty with you,

The black dress makes you a gazing star,

The sweet face etched in my mind,

For eternity,

Even if I end with another Eve,

You will always be my love, dear,

Death will not do us apart,

I will follow you through pain and torture,

A guilty pleasure this is,

Heaven must’ve shined more to you,

And angels must be envious towards you,

Your beauty caresses my heart,

Our love will last forever,

Even when our souls do not meet,

No angels nor demons know how deeply in love I feel,

Towards you,

Even if you are locked inside a box,

Lifeless, on an island of a golden breeze,

Your scent made me drowsy,

Intoxicating, your spell worked,

Even if we aren’t in the same plane,

I have lived by your side,

For decades,

Pledging my love,

But thou didn’t reply,

I will always be by your side,

Sitting, writing this poem you,

As long as my heart is still beating,

I will keep pledging my love to you,

Even if it takes all eternity,

Even if the TRUMPET is blown,

I will delay death, just to be with you,

I will satisfy you, humor you,

Even if you don’t show me your expression,

I shall sit here forever,

On your grave, listening your heart beating,

That aches for my love,

And my touch, my kiss,

I will join you so I can follow you,

So we can live together forever,

For now sleep, my love,

Sleep so when you are awake,

You will see me beside you,

Together we fly to the heavens above,

Making love that we had ached to do,

A long time ago,

Our love will last forever,

Until the end of TIME.

Let's Say The Words With Meaning...

2010-10-12T14:19:00.000+08:00

After years on observation, what I see with my own two eyes that when see speak, we don't any of the words that comes out of our mouths. Any emotions coming out of our faces are pure lies, opposite from the things that we intend to say. It is a shame to see it rampant nowadays. It is an embarrassment to the society that needs growing and development not only by tall buildings, but manners and etiquettes that shows a positive modernization among human beings. We have sane minds to think what's wrong and right and the outcomes of the consequences that tags along with it. You can differentiate it, but for God's sake, WHY do we need to hide the feelings that goes with it? Saying only doesn't do any good. Action that comes after it is what we want. But then, the action itself must be the one that you just said. Never promise what you can't deliver. Never make a simple mistake that will make you regret it later. I will never forgive those who say things to make it sweet and happy. I never felt this angry before. It concerns the core that I thought of as a place of solace, security, and sanctity. I lost that faith in a family and the faith of a happy marriage. I've seen enough of torn apart parties that makes me shiver and lose the one thing I thought was the salvation to freedom of broadening the horizon of my empire. I lost the one thing that I thought would make me a MAN. Now, I just feel like a blank piece of paper smeared with blood, and i can't write anything with it, but that paper is my one ticket to freedom. I have to take action in making my life a better place. I would love to make it UTOPIA. Make it better only for me. Only for what I've worked so hard in making it work. I wanna stand on my own two feet and fly away from the Cage of Madness. I want to be the One that defies the tradition of a stereotype family in Malaysia. I'm gong international, live away from away, make my ow empire that eventually destroys the world and change it to the worst ever place to live in. I can't see happiness until someone guides me to it. I need help in turning my plans around for the better. I don't need to feed on those bullshit lies that they feed me with. I don't need the drama that entails it. I need peace, tranquility and live recklessly so I'll know I'll die eventually. I swear that I will break free from the chain of despair, making a world that makes me important to someone. To Hell with marriage and the problems that comes with it. I make my own decisions. Need to take that off my chest. So, as short as it is, I'll leave you know to tender your own mercies. So long and goodbye... Wassalam...

A Dream Conversation of Rizal andRizalinium (TRUTH and LIES)

2010-10-02T16:48:00.000+08:00

I dream of a dream that brought me to the wonders of the slums of the low lives that taught me about truth and lies. There in the darkness, suddenly it blooms a simmering light of sun ray, a figure came out of the light. Materializing, it took a long time for me to see who it was. Then, I saw someone familiar, a person I know in my dreams and in my head.

ME.

He introduced himself as Rizalinium, my other half, my alter ego, the bastard of my mind. He took me to a journey of Earth, floating seamlessly in the night sky, a scenery only birds can achieve. It wasn't just a journey, more to say, a chat. We wandered the sky, up until the Earth was visibly seen and we landed on the Moon. Brittle land, rocks of dust, no footprints, no flags. (I knew it, It was a LIE about landing on the moon!) There, we sat and had a long talk, which in the next paragraph, will make me see more clearly about what is going on in his mind, a life of his own, telling me everything.

RIZALINIUM:

It was on the Moon, I sat with him, confused, amazed of the feat of walking on the Moon, floating like air. It was just a dream, but I couldn't take it no more, I need to tell him about everything. I looked straight to his eyes, and said, the future dons a new face, the Earth is in Danger of a war of escalating not physical harm, but a mass mind murder, killing our brains slowly, very slowly, we don't know. I asked him, "Do you know the difference between TRUTH and LIES?". He stared a blank stare and shook his head. Very wise. Only a fool would answer it, as if they know what is TRUTH and LIES in the dictionary. I than told him what the differences was.

RIZAL:

There, regally, we walked, paced slowly, saying it with sound and resonance. TRUTH, is what hides behind the LIES. TRUTH is hidden from us all. It is forced, to be kept, like a prisoner, beaten, tortured, so it will be weak and unusable. It is deformed, so people will not give a glance to it. LIES, are grown rapidly, nurtured and fed to the minds of the people. LIES are prettied up, made it beautiful, tasty, so people will believe and consume them without thinking. It can be spread faster like the speed of light. He showed me of a gruesome example of how LIES and TRUTH really is.

RIZALINIUM:

There, I conjured a lovely coffin, made of oak, with nice carvings of man's imaginary angels, with colors of every rainbow. It was a beautiful creation, made for the best MAN to be buried in. He looked in awe of the creation of the Deathbox. I told that the coffin is what we all love to see, to be in such a good state. He opened it and there was a person, A simple structured human lying in it. Then, I told him that this was just for show. A transformation will eventually come with it. Next, will be a surprise for him.

RIZAL:

What happened next, was truly shocking, twisted. The coffin consumed the man inside, sucking every flesh, blood, organ, until it is a mere mummy, skeletal, rotting, wilting. It was beyond recognition of the man who looked peaceful in the coffin. Then, the coffin turned much brighter, much more lovelier, a sight to behold. I was mesmerized by it. I wanted to lie in it, just to feel the softness of the bed inside it. He tugged me away from it, and said to look carefully what happened to the body and eventually the coffin.

RIZALINIUM:

Phew! The bastard almost killed himself going near that thing. Then, the scene he saw was devastating. The coffin turned to a horrible, splintered wood, with blood oozing, yellow liquid gushing out, bile and vomit. Faces of people in pain were carved on the surface of the coffin, faces of pain, tortured. Then, it caught on fire burning away everything in it. Screams and shrill were heard inside it. He froze, afraid, rigid, and stood back, away from th coffin. After such demonstration, I explained to him what really happened.

RIZAL:

Cooly, he explained that, when many people feed LIES, the LIES will be embraced by fools that knows nothing of the story behind it. It feeds and feeds the people into insanity, stupidity, violence and eventually, Death comes knocking the door. LIES can kill, brings misunderstanding, wars that shouldn't happen. Relationships broken. Ties that binds wither and a tighter bind of enemies are formed. That is when LIES turns ugly, spewing profanity, murder, wars. The innocents are the victims of LIES. What came out of the coffin, the blood, the faces were the TRUTH. A late coming of TRUTH, where it cannot be saved, knowing it is useless, as LIES has corrupted and killed it. TRUTH that is so deformed, people cannot accept it. TRUTH, a thing that hurts and makes people afraid to hear it. That's how powerful LIES can corrupt the TRUTH. After the explanation, I asked him, "How can I save the TRUTH from being a victim of the Evil LIES?"

RIZALINIUM:

Interesting question, that answer, is right in front of our eyes and already in our heart since the day we were born. HONESTY. A word that scare the living daylight of LIES and infest our planet. Live an Honest life, then LIES will be ridden forever.The first ever LIE was when Satan told Eve that by eating the Khuldi fruit, it will bring happiness and prosperity, then the LIE spread to ADAM, who ate it too. Then, the consequences of the LIE was banishment of them to Earth. Nothing ever comes nicely from lies. They corrupt the minds. Makes us live in Fear. Fear of others knowing the TRUTH, that first was a beautiful being, turned ugly because of the LIE. It takes no genius mind or any philosophical professors to know this.It is in our blood and mind. A simple mistake by the first humans that carries on generation to generation until it is now blown out of proportion. Now, lying is like a refined art, to play with the mind that is weak, too weak to fight it. Minds of low defenses, easily consumed by it. Be mentally strong, block out all the LIES and learn the TRUTH while it is still usable, before LIES catches it and kills it. Now, you understand what LIES and TRUTHS are?

RIZAL:

Yes! It is so obvious. I couldn't comprehend it without someone telling me in the first place. The informal teachings from wise people and family, it is just.... embarrassing not knowing it. We only answer questions from books, but never what the true meaning of the words are. It is an eye opener for me to be in this dream, knowing more. I asked him if we will meet again. Then, he smiled.

RIZALINIUM:

Silly question. I will always be inside you, guiding you. I am your conscience, leading you to the path of righteousness. With the help of God Almighty, you will be fine and no harm will come to you. Then, we fell back to Earth, floating on the sky. It was a cold, windy night. There, I told him to go back living, and remember that LIFE is just a temporary place for us to live, to do God's bidding. The Afterlife is our main goal in living a happy peaceful, ever after. I showed him his room and.......

RIZAL:

When we went back to my room, I saw myself sleeping, with a novel in my hand. Peacefully, smiling. I decided to wake up, go back to my body and think back the things I've heard. The Moon was shining. Shining down on me, a light that was sight to behold. There, I woke up. I looked at the clock. It was 4 a.m. Then, a voice came to me in a soothing tone, saying, "Remember my last, RIZAL. You will need all your strength to overcome the obstacles in LIFE to achieve pure happiness."

Well, it was a frightful night added with adventures and being on the Moon, it was great! RIZALINIUM has changed from an angry, pessimistic soul to a rather soothing, calming one.I woke up that day feeling refreshed and was ready to take on LIFE...

Thanks for reading, it was a pleasure to share this with you. I just wanted to tell the LIES and TRUTH as it is. Hope you understand what I'm saying. Fromm here, I bid you Goodbye. May we meet again on the next entry. Wassalam...

Save Us!!! Tuesday, August 14th, 2007

2010-10-01T01:54:00.000+08:00

How can we live?
If we detach our souls from our body?
Eaten by the Devils,maliciously,
Savouring and relishing the moment,
The moment of triumph,
Triumph over mankind’s easily fooled mind,
The stupidity we inherited,
From our ancestors,
Do we deserve this?
The humiliation among humans?
A plan that was so diabolical,
We only nod our head for agreement,
Not knowing the consequences,
We are the victims of evolution,
SAVE US from the suffering we did not create!!

RIZALINIUM

This will make you think, are we worth it? Living on this earth? We only destroy it and only make our lives worse. somehow, this is the only thing that bothers me. do we live purely for destruction? Do mankind have no mercy or remorse towards their acts of heinous crimes. Social Ills, pollution of any kinds and the corruption of the higher power only bleeds us to save the useless, the destructive individuals to bully the weak. We care not the sufferings of other people that are dying like falling flies. We only care only ourselves, never others. How can we just let this go on? The End is already near, so, just risk our lives to get rid of these parasites that are destroying our earth, our sacred places, Think it back, think hard, can you live under the new regime of destruction? Killing for pleasure? Please, help us!!!!

Nostalgic Blog 3# Rizalinium Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

2010-10-01T01:48:00.000+08:00

This is Rizalinium speakign again from the part of which my conscience is waning more and more when mingling with fellow coursemates with different personalities and ages. I just don’t know why life always turns its back on me whenever I open a new page and/or book. Seems that It leads to a rougher and tougher path of life when death always approaches you year by year. We grow old, mature naturally. For me, I keep making wrong turns in life that leads to a someone hating me for reasons above my power of will as a human to comprehend. I may not be a good leader, but do not drag that feeling outside on what I do. Maybe my words are incorrect, don’t take it personally. I hate to say that I just want to go back on being a shadow. Forgotten and left alone, not feeling like an outcast, recluse by choice. I just want to try uni life, but I overdid it. Now, I want to reside as a random, normal, faceless, unpopular whatshisface. I feel more secure like that. Maybe being alienated is what I feel best. I don’t know. Mingling with people makes me feel awkward. I don’t want to be categorised. To be in a specific group by strangers, with strangers, and dancing with possible demons and enemies. I just feel that way. Just that. I want t be recognised, but just as an acquaintance, not as a friend. I cannot take the fact that people are jealous, and try to bring other people down. I can’t take it anymore. Just let me breathe for a while. Let me start from the first step, the first box, the step that determines the way to shape my lifeline. Individual importance is growing among us now, I am one of those people. I like being alone. It feels calm and presence of another human being is like a nuisance to me. I cannot make myself gel with another person. It makes me suffocate and I can’t function well and It makes me sick. Gossiping and whispering still makes me feel hurt and over sensitive. So, it is best for me to go back to being a nobody, living in nonentity. I can’t bear being the subject of attraction in a bunch of misfits. I do not like being the person to be remembered by something. Its just not me. I want to feel numb, clean my unclean spirit of showoffness, not to be a toerag, bullying the weak. Be the weak, underdog, unreliable son of a gun that people will forget as fast as possible. If I was given a chance to be anything than a human being, I’d be the aura of despair and gloom to all human being.

To end this, I’d better back off for you to read and understand what I’m saying. Let this blog teach you something about the harsh world of life. We must not just enjoy life and then forget why we live in the first place. May God Bless All of You. Remeber, God is watching us, so behave. Peace and Out.

Nostalgic Blog 2# Rizalinium Friday, March 13th, 2009

2010-10-01T01:45:00.000+08:00

This is Rizalinium speaking. This is my first time writing a blog in a library. Feels awkward when you have someone looking at it while you’re typing. Well, I just need to express a feeling that I want you to read as a living, breathing human being. Just think; you die. Then, no one knows where you are buried except your family and your closest, trustworthy friends. Do you think that I am bad for not letting you not see me buried? Lots of answers will say ” Huh, I don’t care if you die. As long as I live peacefully”. Shame. Individuality reeks inside of you. We all die and It does not give mercy to those who are chosen to die. It will hurt a lot and pain searing through your body will be excruciating. Sometimes, I hear stories where they forget where they buried their loved ones. It seems sad to listen how can you forget those that have lived and passed valuable knowledge to you. I just can’t think straight right now. I just feel like I don’t want all of you to know where I will be buried. I do not want all of your sympathy. if I die bad, It will be no use if you plead to God to ask for my forgiveness if you already know Hell is waiting for me. Unless if i acted as an angel for my whole life, then pray away. I’m the one who will be tortured in the Afterlife, why do you care? It is only a transition of Life to the other plain of souls where we go back to God. We cry of tears of the world and never cry because we never know if the dead will be tortured or not. We cry because the dead leaves us alone in this world. We cry because we feel helpless if they are gone from this world. What’s worst, we cry when our parents die because no one can support our lives in this world. We brandish Death as a villain in our lives today and sometimes blame God and the Angel of Death for taking them to soon. Listen, I DO feel sad when someone dies, but let them be. We cannot take it back. Life is always a forward reaction. We can never reverse it back to the early stages of the Life when Adam and Eve was created. It just goes on and on like a wheel with no brakes. When the wheel hits a bump, it’s time to go. Easy. The message hear is FEAR Death as we do not know the outcome after it, not because we will leave the world and the living helpless. Fear HELL, not the earthly hell that that the living will go through after you die. Say your syahadah everytime you breath in and out. It creeps when you least expected it. Never worry the living. They will find a way to live without you. Let the young’ns take over. We will never be Kings or Queens forever. That is why God never created immortality to the visible and invisible living beings. It will alter the outcome of Life and destroy the true meaning of “Enjoy Life When You Can, Because It Can Be Taken Away Easily By God”. Immortality. One of Humankinds foolish Dreams and Hopes. Following World Domination, these are impossible to reach. Never will a man be too powerful as we will fall. That is why I never wanted High Power in any administration. It tends to be dangerous andjealousy will rise its hungry head to pounce on you. Jealousy leads to hate. Hate leads to Destruction. Destruction leads to annihilation. Annihilation leads to Death. It is a recipe for disaster. everyone has this. it will destroy us in every civilisation Men creates and Lives will be taken away cheaply. Death also has its price. We never want to die in a disrespectful way. They say die with pride. Die with people thinking you had done something in your Life. Do you think God gives a DAMN about that? God only wants your devotion and strong faith. Loners die but they done good in Life. Why show yourself like a sore thumb and be hated while doing good and die while people laugh and dance at your funeral? It is just not right nowadays. When hate takes over, KILL. It just makes me sick to the core when people do this. That is why I want to die alone, never with someone. Not even with my future spouse or whatever. Let me face it alone. I know it will be difficult but It is only a one soul journey to see God.

So, I’ll leave you guys to read this so you will know how I feel. Peace and Live well. Salaam….

Nostalgic Blog 1# Rizalinium March 13th, 2009

2010-10-01T01:40:00.001+08:00

This is Rizalinium speaking from the lowest level of the bowels of devils that relishes watching me suffer for the sake of eternal happiness. I just feel like I”m been treated unjust by someone. I am the victim of false accusation and jealousy of an obsessed person. I feel angry to the point of bursting to a mindless rage. I’m not that type of person but I just want to be left alone, remember? Let me live happily Alone. Not an anti-social, but a recluse by choice. I do not bother anyone or ruin other peoples lives. Think maturely, please!! People come to me for advice, my opinion. I’m a freaking counsellor without payment. I’m not a shoulder to cry on. Just a professional doing his job. I’m a magnet for people to tell their deep, dark secrets. I do not want to attract trouble but trouble has a knack to find me anyways. It just comes to me over and over, not giving me any chance to breath easily. People giving me cold stares, mistrust, misunderstanding. At least other people have a clique or group. I chose not to belong in any group. I have a group of friends that is trusting and reliable. I am picky in finding friends. However, I also have feelings. Not just a robot for you to tell secrets. I also tell my feelings to other trustworthy people.I just don’t care if its a man or a woman. Do not think I want fame or glory in this community. I just do th ethings that I want to do. I have nothing to prove to anyone of you sick lil’ bitches and bastards. I’ll just do my own things and make my own decisions. I hate everything that revolves around me right now. You think I like everything. I am not good in hiding feelings. I told you earlier in my blogs, I will not hide any feelings. Screw anyone who thinks I’m a spoiled brat,you guys are jealous in every bit of filth I have. My fathers achievements is his achievements. Do not drag me along with it. Do not make me your best buddy and think you can make me your dummy. Fuck you. Why bother me? So I won’t bother myself with this shitty stuff of bullshitting problems. Everything I do hurts me. It’s gonna kill when It grows in me. This happen to me alot before. I always hope but I know it is hopeless that it will never stop bugging me to the day I die. Despair, a word that I use a lot. Misery loves company, so to my life. Adding despair, hopelessness, It is a recipe of DOOM. Hope that It doesn’t kill me along the way. Please be considerate and think differently in a positive way. I am friendly, but I want pure ,straight friendship. Don;t drag me to your slum Problems and get fucked by your enemies. I have my own demons to exorcise.

So, I’ll just bak off for you to think and think and think about it. Peace to all of you and May God Bless You. Salaam…

Talking Nonsense By Making Sense In this Nonsense Blog Entry....

2010-09-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

They say one flute worth of Jesus Juice and you'll flip like a monkey on crack. No, it ain't anyone's quotes. I made it myself. You see, I have this bad habit of making up useless words of wisdom, making people confused and annoyed. I'll say it in English, no one understands it. I don't understand it myself but i know what I meant when saying it. They say good shit never existed, unless you mean you're diarrhea-free, then it implies... See?? It just flows in my head, the insanity of saying the darnest things, or damnest things. It doesn't matter really. Maybe lotsa reading creepy, shitty, awkward, disturbing, disgusting stuff made me like this. I'd read anything as long as it is fun and enjoyable. Reading for me is like drugs. Can't live without it. You just want more and more of it. You spend thousands of ringgit on books. Like Bill Gates using 20 dollar bills as napkins or toilet paper... OK, Not True,just joking. Rewind, delete, playback... As I am saying, Being sarcastic and witty is really not that charming. It is, sometimes, then you have that sudden knack of problem throbbing in your head pounding, saying, "Shit! Stop doing that. It's so annoying. STFU!!!". Sadly, I can't STFU. I respond by FTSU and talk and talk and talk. One thing, I hate people who misunderstand my statements and I'll go blitzing like an addict scoring some grass. In my mind, I'm like, " What the fuck do you not under-fucking-stand with my sentence?". It shoots so fast like a horny man jerking off a good porn movie with Tera Patrick in it (Yo, baby waddup?). Or a gay masturbation scene where everything ends before it even started, because you closed it for feeling queasy and started throwing up the dinner you had hours ago.(I didn't eat seaweed, is that seaweed, or spinach, or my spleen?)

So, talking bout the A, B, and C of all the mastery of oral examination, the dentist has spoken, my mouth is clean, but my mouth is also dirty, from trash talking and cussing all the time. Like when I was Form 4. Geez, that was harsh. My temper was bad and I started cursing everyone in sight. It's light having PMS for a whole year. I had this thing where I don't give a damn bout the bastards and bitches that's been giving me a hard time, other than girls that gave me a hard-on, is excluded. See, I started actively reading when my life was in cross roads of clash of the ex's and the valkyrie of Curious Boys. You think it's funny when you learn more bout the opposite sex and the others are clueless about it. You knew too much, even the girls are sick of it. I slowed down after that, and make it really innocent, like "not knowing", but I know too much for me to keep it to myself. Well, i had a stint of not being well-liked by the girls in my class. Pervert... Couldn't care more about it. Call me anything, that's what I'm not. I am what I say I am, because you cannot lie to yourself. You know nothing bout others but yourself.

The 1, 2, and 3 of the life right now is staggering. Weight, still the same for 3 years. Girlfriend casualties increasing, to 9. Yes, my friend, back to single( A spoiler, dear readers, I had a girlfriend this year, many I've lied saying I'm single since January, but it lasted for 7 months. Woohoo!!! Longer than 6 months, broke up before puasa. You do the math, I'm bad at it.) and ever readily available for some dallying and scandals of magnanimous proportion. My CGPA dropped like Humpty Dumpty, cracked like Jack and Jill. My presence in college is good. I'm anonymous. i don't talk to the juniors this time. I don't give a damn, I don't know them.The only thing I'm interested now is just, lay back, study, have fun, and tease the girls I like. Anything else, is pure fiction from the mouths of Liars.

So, I just want to say, that, If Death don't catch ya the first time, well, you'll die anyway, it never misses the second time, and lastly, goodbye ain't that hard to say, because you're busy kissing em' goodbye. Idiot, much? Hahaha, OK, I'll back off and give myself a hand, or two (har har) for my excessive use of words that really isn't helping my street cred in the working world of the serious People. See you next time and learn to speak slowly, coz it hurts your jaw if you speak too fast( The Truth! At last!! ;-P ) Wassalam...

Don't Fight With Each Other! Unite!

2010-09-04T15:32:00.000+08:00

You see, I hate looking at people fighting just because of a stupid thing. It really riles me up too to see the sheer madness of it. What makes it worse is that they make people take sides and bash each other. Idiots. Why can they assess the problem like grown ups? Having their so called PRIDE and EGO to get in the way. This is why we can never unite from our enemies. We fight each other, the enemies just clap and cheer on watching us destroy each other. Is that what we want? Do we want our enemies, crystal-clear enemies of race, religion, and country to see us is this disgusting state of embarrassment? What do we get from crushing each other? Relief? Revenge? What do we really accomplish from it? Is it important to feel that arrogant not being the powerful one, so we try and emasculate others to prove you are stronger than someone? That's bullshit. Forgiving and acknowledging your weakness and wrongs are the best way to do it. We are becoming adults, we have responsibilities that we will shoulder when we get a job, get married, have kids. Why find problems that really is unnecessary and only destroys you slowly inside. We were created in a community to help each other, not create enemies. We are demoralizing ourselves. How are we supposed to go forth to be a well-run country, the best country in Asia, with this attitude? We know hoe to fight physically, yes, but do you know that wars can be done other than physical ways? Psychological wars, Cold wars,Media wars; all of them are wars that we are losing each and every day. Our enemies are winning every battle along the way, belittling us. Do you like seeing our pathetic state right now? Do you like watching religion, race, country, made fun of? Then why do you still feed the lies, swallow them whole, and poison yourselves with lies given by the Western media? They want us to fight each other, making us weak from the inside. Politics that we are using are western politics, AKA Dirty Politics. The Law that is used in our country favors the non-Muslims and degrading Muslims. Apostate cases are on the rise because we can CHOOSE our RELIGION when we turn 18? So, we condone apostasy? Really UNFORGIVABLE. We call ourselves a country run by Muslims? Do we want to turn out like Turkey? Muslim by name, but actions are another? Other races silently trying to down us, spreading lies, making us look like bullies. What the Hell is going in this world? Haters filling this world and we side on the Evil side. What has happened to the good-natured goodwill and fair play with all humans bonding for peace and the greater good? Fight the Demon within, avoid being the victim of the Devil. You want to be best, then make ourself useful to fight against all EVIL. Let me leave you with a stern warning. Do not turn into a person that is loathed by other because of your evil actions. I hate to see my own brother in arms, being a double-crosser, like Judas. Fight for the right side. Islam is my side. Who's side are you on? For this, I bid you goodbye and let's think what can we do to make our world more habitable not just physically , but habitable by living with other humans who are caring and is concerned with our welfare. Devil be Damned! Wasalam...

Out Of My Life, Good. Dissatisfied With Earth, Not Good.

2010-08-31T14:35:00.000+08:00

Referring to the matter above, this chick I used to like, and like, she didn't care for me, and I just like, "say what?",and I swallow sadness and roll up like a ball and wallow, yeah, she's gone. So, the good thing is that I couldn't care much of her right now. Which she could just disappear from the face of the earth and that would totally make my day. I feel that, "Hey, I liked you too long, I waited too long, and now I'm pissed you don't care about my feelings, so fuck off and die, bitch!" right now and cherishing it. Tell you what, I'm getting sick of this game of Feelings and Caring and Care-Bear shit and stuff. I just want to make it thorough and specific that if you really like me, then make it a habit of liking or loving me. Flirtatious banter is really unbecoming of women nowadays.You think that a girl likes you, you get really excited, you want to be with that girl, you feel proud a girl actually likes you. For me, that feeling is long gone right now. I Love You for me is just three ordinary words that lost its meaning from the aspects of feelings and emotion. My heart has been broken for so many times that it hurts at first, then it becomes numb. You feel guilty and hateful towards the opposing party and yourself, then you feel nothing. You fight for what? You spend your precious time for what? Going down the drain of susceptible destruction in emotional disturbance? In this game, your damned if you do, damned if you don't. A lose-lose situation when not really with the right person. A woman out there, waiting. Maybe she exist, maybe not. You wish to be a human dong what you are told to do to not disturb the course of Life that has been outlaid to you for millions of years, or since Adam and Eve started living on Earth. Do good stuff, leave the bad stuff. Love thy neighbor just like loving yourself. It is necessary to be good and all, but why with the jealousy and hating all around? Just like what I'm feeling right now. I have this hatred filling up inside of me, random hatred towards everyone, it just hurts and it multiplies, exacerbates to such extent I just want to crush someone to death. Ashamed of being a human, regretting not to be dead right now. The satisfaction of living on this earth has fallen to an alarming rate. If someone gave me a survey on m satisfaction in living on Earth, I'd give it a 2/5. 2 because I feel that I'm still living and that is good enough for me.The quality of human caring for each other has deteriorated too. BADLY. You take crap from other people more than compliments. Hell, even compliments are turned into crappola. You just want to make up everything in making your life better in 2 seconds even though it takes a lifetime to feel satisfied with yourself. Just like a boring class, I just want it to end very quickly. I want to end it painlessly, and with respect. Loving and Leaving is what I'm good at. Back to the main point, she's out, good. My life feels less burdened with bludgeoning problems and make-believe fantasies of being The One (Yeah, the " I Was Born Because Of Greatness and to Be The Greatest Of All").I'm just a regular everyday normal guy. Bitches come and go, but Life will march on, leaving the Dreamers and those who dwell in the past. I'll leave you guys pondering the right and wrong in Life. Remember, If you swear, that means you're hurt, or pissed off. Not kidding. Bye and wasslam...

Jealous, Much?

2010-07-12T16:42:00.000+08:00

Like I am saying right now, someone needs to tone done that jealousy inside the person... Hehehe.. I love it when i see jealous girls when I'm talking with another girl.. Those narrowed eyes, glaring like piercing every part of my body... the furrow on the forehead... crunched-up mouth... fists clenched... So CUTE... Well, I won't do it if I get married... THAT would be a BIG MISTAKE... It shows that she loves you, and I know that she loves me indefinitely. I love this woman, this girl even with her high-handedness,is still the best girl I've seen so far. She is the epitome of perfection in my eyes. I should be thankful in giving her the undying affection and care to her. Call me stupid, but the more jealous she is, the more I love her. That's why I like talking to other girls. Better yet, talk "intimately" in front of her. Flirting, but not serious. Maybe that's why I don't get a stable relationship. It's been a Hell of a ride and it's been fun and despair rolled up in a ball and explodes like vomit and caramel. I want to perfect the art of Jealousy, the art of Flirtation ,the art of Sweet- talking... The art of Domination, hahaha! The Tigers in the bed and all that shit. Feels like degrading the woman, but I just like to play it rough... It's my nature. Some like it slow and steady. Some like it slow and wanting. Some just throw themselves like a pair of thrashing eels or snakes mating. Me, everything is done with strategy. One must take control. let her listen to your every command. Possessing her, make her feel frustrated, wanting, libido rising, tease her to no end, until she is wet with wanton and desire. Touching her at the right spots. Finding her G-Spots. Playing with her. Make her scream, squeal, suck her every bit of soul and tell her what she really want is YOU. JUST.YOU. It doesn't matter if you're not well endowed or just an average person. Skill and strategy is important. At the end, leave her feeling tired, boneless, like a heap of clothes untouched for so long. Wow! That, my friend, is great sex.So sum it up, First, foreplay. Then, actual intercourse. Lastly, finish it with a gentlemanly after-sex talk. Cool, innit? So, um.. a part from being jealous to talking about casual intercourse, I'll leave you alone. Read books. Ok, thanks, goodbye and wassalaam...

The Nightmare

2010-07-02T21:15:00.002+08:00

I saw you laughing,

I sat in the corner,

Weeping, crying,

Lost in translation,

Missing in the sea of destruction,

The target under the spotlight,

A lost battle to fight,

There with a face pout,

No fear but full with doubt,

A daylight scare with no air,

You are my nightmare,

I’ve said too much,

But I haven’t said that such,

Your centre of pleasure,

My everlasting torture,

No wish, no seek, no breathing,

No time for bidding,

The list of dreams crushed,

Least more few much touch,

Losing my mind,

Now I can’t find,

Please, scare,

Be my everlasting nightmare…

Oh, The Drama! My Love Life and…. Marriage? Adding Dreams Too…

2010-06-22T21:40:00.003+08:00

I get annoyed actually about the drama of reality, it hurts seeing it happening in front of your own damn eyes. Actually, it hurts a hell lot. What I want to say first in general is about the drama of the heartbroken fair maidens who just cannot cope with simple problems of the past or relationship problems. Women, you thinks I have the nerve of steel listening to them telling the problems which actually doesn’t concern me at all, let alone I care about it. I just love to listen to it, but never ever will I be the one who will be solving it. One, I feel guilty to these women who just broke up. They are attractive little beings and somehow I have that feeling of saving the damsel in distress. However, I am not a rebounder guy. NO NO NO. I, for one am a respectable person, only to fall in love with women who have feelings to me. Not a shoulder to cry on, for reasons that doesn’t concern me and only as a pleasure seeker. They come to me, befriending me. Telling me things, stuff about their problems. They expect me to solve them, like I’m a freaking therapist or something. I do not like to be treated like a hapless guy good for only listening to your problems. Whenever they are happy, they forget me. Like I’m used up, washed up has-been. Like trash on the side-walk. Every time I see them happy with their boyfriends, or some admirers, you just can’t stop thinking, what the Hell just happened? They act flirtatious with you, pour their heart and soul to you. They instil jealousy in your heart, thinking that their boyfriends are just monsters and don’t deserve them. I, don’t want to be caught in this scandal that will certainly blow out of proportion, so I just listen. That is it. Listen. Once, I thought it was heroic to save the damsel for the wicked man, sweeping off her feet, carry her, saving her. In reality, these women are just a bunch of stupid bitches using their boobs to think instead of their brain. If the guy treats you bad, why the Hell should you still be with him? Break up. Not like you’re married or something. He makes you angry, tell him straight up. He cheated, break up. He treats you like a slut, break up, call the police. Please, don’t be afraid to act the right thing. That’s one last piece of advice I’ll give to you. Back to the scenario I gave; I had a girlfriend. A very loyal, trusting, loving girlfriend in the past. Then, came another girl, pouring her heart out, crying her eyes out on me, telling me how she broke up and can’t stand the pain of living, bla bla blibbidy boo. So, I was young, rash and hormonally imbalance, and a becoming scoundrel, I flirted with her, telling her the guy was a fool for letting her go. I courted her. Then, she became my girlfriend, without telling my other girlfriend. So, I got confused, regretting what I did, I stupidly broke up with my trusting, loving, loyal girlfriend and ran off with the other one. She was broken-hearted. Couldn’t do anything. I truly loved her, she was really dear to me. We could’ve gone far with each other. Several months later, after falling from a higher ground with bone-crunching sound effect, a boulder followed on and crushing me underneath it. Metaphorically. Turns out the girl I’ve been dating, IS a bitch. A whiny one too. She only looks at me for money. I was too blind to see what has happened, lost everything in this so called game of love. My ex found another man, I broke up with her, with anger and over the top shouting match enthusiasm, just to think the prospect of bitch slapping that whore of a slut, I broke up. Then, I moved on with my Life. Other relationships after that are mutual. Things get bored actually. I keep living in fear when being in a relationship. I wanna be in a relationship, but it is the fear of a woman scorned, the heart-breaking, the cheating, the materialistic woman, the perfectionist, the dependant woman, you name it, I’ve seen it all. Never have I dated a PDA woman. The horror of her touching and grabbing you in public is frightening. The “You feed me, I feed you” action, is inexcusable. I can feed myself thank you very much. I’m not a baby you can’t spoon myself or bite properly. So, after that, I became cautious when women come to me and tell their secrets. I tried, but I am a weak man when I see a beautiful woman come to me with the desire to tell her secrets and pour her soul into the problem, thinking I’m the only guy that can save her. That is indeed a lie. I cannot believe again on what they are saying anymore. The latest one, yeah, she doesn’t know yet. I completely detest her for like telling we are friends and how special I was to her. Her actions doesn’t emit the friendliness of her. I misinterpreted her as a flirt than a friendly gesture. And when she said we were friends, I felt insulted. Am I nothing to her? She likes another man that left her for another girl, which by the way, I did it a long time ago in a land far far away. I was so mad for no reason that she is in the same position of the woman I used to love. However, she ignited my anger in reliving that dark past that I don’t want to remember, so I felt hatred growing inside of me. Towards her. I just don’t want to be with her in any way and will not intend to communicate with her anymore. She is nothing to me. It hurts my pride, that I’m nothing to her. I know it sounds selfish, but I’m trying to forget the past, to be a good friend. Somehow, I can’t I gave up on this matter. I couldn’t bear going through what she has gone through, again. No, I will march on, find love like a normal person would do. Scandal free, proper introduction, and love at first sight, or eighth. I just can’t proclaim the love of my life to all the beautiful girls and toy with their emotions when I get bored. I just want to reform, be a normal, respected by woman, making them happy with me, as a friend. The fear of commitment is also not helping me with this situation I’m going through. A future worry for me is marriage. It’s a responsible to anyone who is ready to get married, to make sure the bloodline and lineage flows perfectly. I cannot bear the fact that I imagine myself marrying at a young age. I haven’t enjoyed single life to the fullest. I wanna go around the world by myself, I wanna do my Masters, a PhD, without thinking of a wife and children to feed and give clothes and diapers. I wanna work first, have a house, a transport, car preferably, lots of money for the future, then I can get married. It’s not the 19^th century or 18^th century and anything below that. We don’t marry for money right now. It is just something that needs to be done. Out of love, not arranged. I see myself getting married when I’m above 30. Twenties isn’t a good idea, even 29. It should be filled with a list of things to do before I get married. Like, things I just said above. Clubbing, I think, go bungee jumping, write a book, travelling, honeymooning with myself. Umrah and Haji with family, go to Amsterdam, London, Norwich, Paris, Istanbul, Edinburgh, Cardiff, Dublin, Rome, Madrid, Sevilla, Lisbon, Brussels, Cairo, Memphis, and God is Great, hopefully Palestine, where I can roam free without someone telling me what or what not to do. An adventure of my own before shackling myself with a wife. Flirting with many girls as possible, but I think I learn the hard lesson from there. I haven’t flirted with a foreign girl before. I wish I can do that. If my dad can marry my mom, who is a Filipino, why can’t I? Surely I can do whatever I please. Not that marriage is in my mind that time. Just mutual friendship. To be friends with people all over the world, sharing our secrets and cultures. Oh yeah, I wanna go to Australia, New Zealand, and all the Oceania countries, like Tuvalu, Vanuatu, Timbuktu. Central America and South America. Aruba, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahamas, Cuba, Honduras, Belize, Mexico, Brazil, Argentina, Peru, Trinidad and Tobago. Maybe I like going places, maybe I should work in Travel and Living. Beats me from sitting at home and watching it from the television. I wanna see the world, like Ian Wright, except not being gay. I wanna cross the Sahara desert. Ride a camel, buying kinky clothes from Dar Khadija. OK, that was a joke. I feel like I don’t want my feet to be firm on the ground. I want to fly to places, learning is never enough and never will be. Crossing the Silk Road is tempting too. There are so many things that I want to do. Even if I get married, I only limit myself in going to Asian countries alone. Europe is a bit too expensive for a married couple with children. I wanna be able to tell my children about the adventures I’ve been to foreign countries, and hopefully, bring my wife to places that I like the most. So, that is what I wanna share with you, my dreams, fears, view of marriage and my secret adventurous heart which I have kept for so long. No one knows except those who read this. I thank you if you stick to me until this last part of this blog entry. Wishes do come true, if you work hard enough for it, you will get it. With this, I bid you goodbye, see you next time, and salaam…

Bad, Bad Poetry...

2010-06-20T20:12:00.000+08:00

Maybe today,
Maybe tomorrow,
I won't say,
Words filled with sorrow,

I stand behind you,
Heart full of treason,
A head full of rage,
A life-long lesson,

True heart desire,
Mouth of a liar,
You're always joking.
Too bad you're choking,

You fall in disgrace,
You lie defaced,
I lie in a pool of blood,
Flowing like a flash flood,

We burn in Hell,
We both can't tell,
We heave a sigh,
As we both die,

We perish in fire,
For our hearts desire,
We look to the moon,
Singing an evil tune,

A man broken,
A soul mistaken,
You drown in your own vomit,
With the sins you commit,

Stand toe to toe,
Fall like a domino,
The world is flat,
Too bad it got fat,

Lust rules the mind,
You can't find,
Words cut sharp,
Like a broken string harp,

Your eyes are blind to see,
This bad, bad poetry,
Leave it, let it be,
Please, leave me be...

Anger Issues...

2010-06-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

I have anger issues. I can't deny it, I will not hide it. It is a fact. I am sincerely annoyed by myself actually. I can't make it go away. There's this odd pleasure of screaming in anger that makes it so happy looking at other people in misery. I cannot avoid it. I feel satisfied by being angry. You think it's weird but it's true. You show weakness when you don't show anger. Anger is a gift. A gift to show power, to show supremacy. It shows you are indeed the feared one. I don't care how many people hate me as long as they show me some respect. Force is also necessary when it comes to anger. Physical harm is indeed wrong, but it feels good. A very good imagination goes a long way. Imagining tearing his balls and feed it to the dogs. Beheading a person, slowly torturing the person, hearing the scream of agony and pain!! AAhhh.... The way they beg for mercy, crying, holding your feet. You just look down and give them a wicked smile. Leaving them to rot and die in a most horrible manner. Revenge, anger, hatred. One of my closest friends and enemies, battling in a rage of storm brewing inside my head. It is the epitome of a World War 3 of the minds. Mind Wars. Fighting for the greater worst. Love it. It is so soothing, I'll just stop. Why? I'm god-damn mad at someone. Need to relieve it. Imagination is quite useful at this time. I'll leave you and with manners of a punk-ass modern kid, I''ll say, back off, stay the hell away from me, coz I don't know you. Well, so much in being a successful rapper. You know, what? GOODBYE.

A Nice Thing To Say, Makes Me Happy...

2010-06-11T17:10:00.000+08:00

Yeah, referring to the above, well, be nice... that's all you need to be to make me friendlier, much more approachable and love you. I have retired from being the sole listener of a helping counsellor. It affects my health, my brain, don't forget my blood pressure. I love to be of help when listening to your lovely life when happy, but I just can't take the fact when small things that you exacerbate it yourself makes it a lot worse and you come to me and ask for help. I'm not a columnist, waiting for you to give advise which I myself can't help myself from being eaten alive by my alter ego, Raziel Rizalinium. It's annoying to have someone in your head bitching about life and of course, you bitching about your problems. It's so annoying, I just can't take it anymoer. I never get the chance to write the blogs, no thanks to Raziel. It seems Raziel is a figment of rage and undesired love from my past that builds inside me. It slowly dissipates when I'm happy. It haunts me when I'm angry, depressed. Valium makes it worse. It makes me think of things I cannot imagine. Dreams of Nightmares. People now just can't think straight. Having a split personality is tiring. When you are left alone. You think of things. The "What-If's" and totally imaginative things a mind can do. You question the impossible. It hurts your brain. What I needed is some time alone from alone. It's soothing to think I make it easy and simple. I Love You. Three Oh So silly words I've overused and I think It has Lost its meaning. I believe love wil find a way through my heart and will make me fall head over heels towards the lucky girl. I do still in fact like my exes, but truly, I don't want to meet them right now. I have a really weak mind in repulsing nostalgic things. The ups and downs of my life. It scarcely needs any elaborated detail but I should keep that secret. I keep thinking, we all deserve a happy ending. However, why can't the world have a happy ending. Why does it have to end with destruction? Truly we all love Earth, but you feel annoyed and ask,"Why save it, it's gonna blow up anyway". Point taken. Earth is just a hospitable place wher we all need to live from the mistakes of the past that we have forgiven. Forgive Adam and Eve for their wrongdoings. They are humans too. Even as a prophet, Adam a.s is a human. So is all the other prophets. They pass away like you do, they also have families, lives of their own. They are special because they are hand-picked by God to show the righteous path of living. They are not Gods. Allah is the God. Prophets should be respected. They try very-very hard to convince a community, sometimes a nation to believe in ONE GOD. Don't think of the negative things in Life. Your rage is your own fault. The anger is for hating yourself, not others. Coincidences cannot be avoided. You need to face it just like another human being trying to live like a normal human being. I Love You. Now, that has some meaning to it. You love, but never admit being loved back. You feel like you will be dejected if you are rejected. As if you jump of a cliff and hope that the landing will be soft, because you imagine the ground is made of something fluffy. That is the problem nowadays. Yes, we need to be feeling safe and happy, but dont't be too happy to ignore others sufferings. You need sympathy. A god-given feeling that changes others to improve their life. You need a clear head and rational thinking. Think of happy thiings that has happened in your life. You feel that life is shit, then make it better, What's the use of the word "solve"? Enhance? Improve? They help you get through life. You're fat, then improve yourself to exercise. Feeling dumb as a doorknob? Learn. See? Ain't that easy as pie, honey? Whatever it is, you should be making your life better, not let it go loose and succumb to the dark side. That's it I guess. Be Nice, and you will be LOVED back. I promise. So, tis goodbye for now. See you again, pray for my health of my boggling mind, let Raziel be chained by the love and happiness until it is washed out of my mind. Saving me from misery is a good thing. Hope that you will read this and see that a person is indeed in need of help and you feel like you can help, by all means, help. Goodbye, fellow humans. Live carefully. The Devils Puppets are everywhere, waiting for you to fall and will harm you in any way. Happiness repels them. Goodbye and see you again... Maybe I'll tell you all about Raziel next time, huh? Just wait and see... Wassalam...

The Tortured Man

2010-06-02T23:30:00.003+08:00

There he sat in the darkness that consumes his body and soul. A Limbo that makes it hard for him to see the outcome of the Life he once owned. It should be him in the so-called Perfect Life. Alas, it was never meant to him. It is a shame when he saw the dreams and ambition burned to the ground. There is no light in this room. Only himself and the absence of light that blinds him to the core. It angers him, why rob him of his dignity? The Life he should’ve gone through? It tear him apart piece by piece watching it play again and again inside his mind. It feels like a chainsaw sawing each and every tendon, muscle, fat, skin, bones, blood vessels, ligaments and hair in him.
The excruciating pain felt like to be paining him forever. It seems that there is no way for him to go back, righting the wrongs, loving those he hated, and killing the fear that was irrational. He was supposed to get married. However, maybe God hated him so much God killed him straight away. To him, it felt like the wrong time to be dead. The future of greatness that was intended to him, leading the people to freedom, the life of independence, the Light of a warrior and the Rage of a monster. It made him feel betrayed by the ways of Life, what should happen, what’s supposed to be. How he single-handedly brought the people to the Promised Land.

It was there, already there, but Death came far too early. Swimming in a pool of Blood, he watched how his Men betrayed him. Being called a maniac, extremist, a crazy old fool, a bastard of a human. The first stab felt so painful, but eventually when followed by other stabs, it felt nothing. Just that you just want to know what happens after you release your last breath. It is hard to talk when you are dying, stupid movies. Pricks who never felt dying shouldn't portray Death as calm and peaceful. No one dies in a happy way. We dread Death as it is. It is not welcome in any home. He never wanted to see Death this way. Full of sins, less good deeds done. It is not right to question Gods way of Life. Somehow, I shudder to think that why should the End of the World be cruel to humans? Why destruction that awaits us? Why do we have to be seduced to do bad things by the Devil? Why can’t God help us since we are a child until we are a matured adult?

The life of a human is a difficult one. Other living beings can’t feel the torture and despair and pain of human lives. We can’t bear the burden that is given to us. Life tests, bloody tests and good deeds that are hard to do is just not that great. It feels nothing when you help, but it feels something when you destroy. It makes sense, every time something bad happens, we do not focus on helping the situation, we only accuse the ones that are responsible harming other people. He stayed still, arms up in the air, waving aimlessly, like hitting someone, but there is only air. No one was with him. He stood there for ages, trying to move but to no avail. He started to lift his feet, but something is pulling him back to the ground. He felt like a tree, branches and leaves blown by the wind, but uprooted to the ground. It was impossible; he needs to face the punishment given by God.

Everlasting torture. Being cut down, then back in one piece, and cut again. It is worse than The Pit and the Pendulum. Hurts a Hell lot. Huh, how ironic. Somehow, Hell is not fiery after all. It depends on how you are being tortured. Fire makes it hot, burns right through your body, but fire is the softest punishment for those have done little sins that are inexcusable. He was almost at the lowest pit of Hell, thinking back the things he had done, what he had done. He did everything; prayed, fast, paid his alms, but what could possibly go wrong until he deserved this punishment? Maybe actions alone aren't enough. Materialism, revenge, murder, deceit, violence. That’s what made him. Build him. From little, he was taught to hate, to abhor, other people that are inferior to him. He learns how to kill, to assassinate. It wasn't enough to satisfy his thirst for blood. It is not what they call simple pleasures, but a mounting desires of impossible achievements, like building the Tower of Babel to kill a God. God is not a physical being. God is what we perceive as the Giver of Life. God is everywhere. God sees you, every little move, every little thing you do.

Then, comes down what we seem as Tests of Life. We choose the path we want, what we do. What we wear, what we like, what we prefer, what person we should be, what hobbies we like, what type of opposite gender we love, what kind of person we are in a community, or family, what characteristics we have. It goes down that way. Here, conflict happens when there is an opposing of characteristics. The hardworking bashes the lazy, the angry one shouting a the calm, the strong killing the weak. It is what we all call the basic of living. Nowadays, we are bound by the laws that prohibit such animosities, to help the weak.

Somehow, humans are imperfect and twist the laws around, corrupting it. It is not the same anymore, when a lot of rules imply with other unavoidable characteristics. Excused because of insanity, he acted not by his free will, but by someone else. Black magic, djin helped the perpetrator. It is way too hurtful to see an innocent rot in jail, while the guilty walks as a free human. Life, like Law, can be twisted too. It has much more damaging effect than Law. Life, if controlled by the wrong people, will make the world a living, breathing Hell. You keep doing the right things, but you are greeted by beatings. Slowly killing the soul inside us. People think killing means the end of Life itself. Actually, it is the beginning of the torture of the guilty person itself. You think killing itself is evil, it is not. It is freedom of those who are tortured, being the victim of unfairness. Saying good bye is not always tears and fears, it’s independence of life’s strife and hardships. So, embrace Death when you are ready. Never fight it.

So, he drew his last breath, leaving the world , knowing that death may be painful, but the feeling of being absolved from the sins he has done a long time ago, is the most precious thing he will cherish for eternity. Goodbye…