Wounded

I

I saw you,

Alone,wounded,

Lost, stranded,

All that you've defended,

Became lost, and unwanted,

You sat alone,

In a space of the unknown,

Bleeding,

With a painful feeling,

Of despair,

The place where you were born,

Abandons you,

As you stood there,

With your heart torn,

Chaos, has just begun,

When I walk with you,

With the wounded.

II

The teachings you learned,

Wasn't worth the peace you have earned,

because people still attack you,

They touched you,

Harshly,

The pain searing deeply,

Your body became weak,

That peace is lost,

You can never seek,

The beatings you get,

Felt long like days and weeks,

Then rain fell, making you wet,

You lie, wounded,

When the sun sets,

I found you,

I took your hand,

Chaos may have befallen upon you,

But we will walk together,

With the wounded.

III

You have suffered,

The tortures you have felt,

Now is the time,

For you to heal,

You have faced more,

Than you can deal,

For you are the wounded,

No harm upon you was ever intended,

You were a victim of rage,

Pain drawn in every page,

Of callousness and crassness,

Causing paranoia and distrustfulness,

Now heal yourself,

Hold my hand,

Purify your self,

As your heart needs amends,

So walk with pride,

Do not feel hurt,

Walk with a smug,

Go ahead and stride,

Show to them your raw pride,

You my friend,

Are not,

One of the wounded,

Anymore...

She Went Away

I

I still remember,

That heat of passion,

Between us still lingers,

But your scent that intoxicates,

Grows weaker and weaker,

I wanted you to know,

That I don’t love you anymore,

That’s when she walked away,

Leaving me alone here to stay.

II

As the wind that flows slowly,

So does my love that’s gone away,

It’s neither sacred nor holy,

As we pulled the killing trigger,

The chill, the spill,

Of rejection and hate,

Of shouting and screaming,

We stopped and wait,

That’s when I said,

“No more, never”,

She started to weep and shudder,

And as I tried to make her stay,

She turned, and went away.

III

Like the shadow trapped on the ground,

I laid there and made no sound,

The night screams,

By the howls of the hounds,

If only I was better,

In making her happy all day,

If only I can change,

My wicked, wicked ways,

I’ve lost the love I had,

It left me here,

With nothing to adhere,

Like a stain that won’t go away,

It stays on my mind,

For years it haunts,

The devils, they laugh and taunt,

That beautiful face, crying,

As she turned, and walked away,

It kills me to see it again,

Her slender body moving to the door,

As I said,

“No more, nevermore”,

Rather than stay,

She went away….

FOREVER

The Jester (Poem)

How funny you are my jester,
You make my life a cheery manner,
How long you have served me,
How good you were,
Now, your tricks have run out,
Beware, death is about,
To make your pain go away,
Death, my friend, is the only way,
My duty, as your master,
To put an end to your life,
I’m sorry that you will be gone,
You can never be replaced,
Not even my 4 lovely wives,
I’ll chain you against the wall,
So when you die,
You will never fall,
While I do this,
I’ll give a big, big sigh,
The cement, and the bricks,
Are here to make,
A living casket,
You shall be buried,
Standing, with no air to gasp,
When I buried you, you wept,
I stopped and asked “Why?” ,
“Master, I relished the memories,”
“Your laugh and your smile”
“Now I am old, and getting senile”
I looked, and pity him but life is life,
My work, half finished and to rid every strife,
My poor, poor jester,
Please do not cry,
Your soul will be loved,
By God when you die,
So lived this last moment,
With joy and happiness,
Even if you are tied down,
Helpless,
This is the last brick,
Your face cannot be seen,
You smiled at me and closed your eyes,
Not looking at me,
I took a torch and threw it inside,
So I can see your face,
To see your happy, funny side,
But what I see is sadness,
From a jester?
I could not bear that expression,
From a man that creates joy,
I jammed the last brick,
Now you are trapped in there,
So die in peace my friend,
Die in peace my jester,
For your body may rot and dangle,
From the wall,
Your soul will be jovial, forever!
May you rest in peace,
MY JESTER………

Review: In Pursuit of Eliza Cynster

First of all, you can read the summary first to get to know more of this story:

Three heros, three rescues, three weddings.

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the wedding of Miss Eliza Cynster 

...but not until she's rescued from a daring abduction by the most unexpected of heros!

Brazenly kidnapped from her sister Heather's engagement ball, Eliza Cynster is spirited north to Edinburgh. Desperate and determined to escape, she seizes upon the first possible champion who happens along - gentleman scholar Jeremy Carling.

Villains and rescues are a far cry from Jeremy's expertise, yet he cannot abandon a damsel in distress. But danger lurks and hurdles abound in their race to escape the mysterious laird, until a final confrontation on a windswept cliff reveals what their future life could hold - if both are bold enough to seize and own the unexpected love they now share.


Review:


So, to start it off. To tell you the truth, I've read all the books by Stephanie Laurens, Cynster series, yep, read em' all, and this one, well, kinda lukewarm to me, but not bad, just lack the zing like other Cynster books I've read.


It started off with Eliza, being kidnapped from her sister's engagement ball to be handed over to the mysterious laird, who has his own agenda to save his title. So, a long ride to Scotland she spotted someone she knew, but barely, a gentleman scholar - Jeremy Carling (from The Lady Chosen, 1st Bastion Club series, or 2nd, if you count Captain Jack's Woman).


Jeremy Carling, is a quiet and reserved scholar, not like those alpha male heroes from her previous books, kinda different as he is more interested in hieroglyphs and tomes rather than pursuing marriage. Eliza is also portrayed as the quiet, reserved,loves to embroider rather than horseback riding, but still unmarried at the age of 24. So, two halves makes a whole, to summarize it.


The best part of this book is the rescue and cat and mouse chase from Edinburgh to Wolverstone Castle. They passed through many small towns and villages in Scotland, also describing how quaint, or beautiful some of the places visited in the book.


The chemistry of Eliza and Jeremy also started from nothing to wildly in love, which is, how to say it, nice. Not the bad nice, but just nice, nothing more. It develops slowly until almost nearing the end where the hot steamy love scenes come out, and it started from an innocent kiss in the middle of the story. I find this very cute and simply sweet. I like the fact that it was so pleasant reading about the relationship blooming between them.


The villains can be divided into two, the nice one and the psychopath. Not to spoil it for you, but if you read it, you become confused as the real motive of the kidnapping and when she escapes, the mysterious laird just doesn't have the interest in chasing them back, just following and letting them be. He's going to lose his inheritance and that one chance to save his fortune, he lets it go, and thinking that the next girl will be the better. Why? And the captor was the psychopathic one to recapture Eliza, rather than the laird. Which comes to my other flaws in this book.


Firstly, you know you are targeted to be kidnapped, so why oh  why did you still go to a stranger who sent you a note, to meet you outside, alone, with no one to accompany you? Tsk tsk, bad move Eliza. Should've given it to your brothers or cousins.


Next, the romance between Eliza and Jeremy is a good match, but the lack of arguments or fiery tension makes it less interesting. They really left it to Fate, and they were lucky to be in a romance book, where they WILL have a happy ending. At least add some spice and fire to their relationship, so it feels real, when being in a relationship. (Being gored by a bull is an exception, hehehe)


However, Ms. Laurens has the knack in writing love scenes that can be steaming hot chilli con carnage. I enjoyed the scenes and they were written very effectively, and it captures the emotion of the two love birds. The style, how to pleasure both man and woman, is very deep and passionate, adding that they were both shy at first,  but became very comfortable in the end.


In a nutshell, it was a satisfactory book to read, and it picks up from the first book, Viscount Breckenridge to the Rescue, where it really delves into the story of the laird in the beginning. To compare it to other Cynster books is not that fair, because this is a trilogy of its own and it can only be compared to the 1st book. So, it is almost the same but better than the 1st, minus the flaws, it's a gripping tale almost like the Black Cobra Quartet, except it is toned down. 


This book is a keeper for those who are really into Stephanie Laurens' books, and a good read for 1st time readers of historical romance.


The 3rd and last book of this trilogy, The Capture of the Earl of Glencrae, will be out January 31st 2012.


Grade for this book: B


PS: Reading this book, I thought of the movie The Librarian, starring Noah Wyle. Really, I think it's almost the same.

Perish Song

Oh how lovely,

The sound of Death,

Singing,

To the ears of the unfortunate,

Aimed to those who are valiant,

The sound echoes from the arch,

Where dead men march,

Where nothing can't be undone,

Where the answer can be only one,

As they march to the road that is long,

Listening intently,

To the Perish Song,

There, they heard the chimes and bells,

Laughters from Heaven,

Screams from Hell,

The forbidden secrets of living,

Told privately by God,

About deaths and killings,

Unknown by the spirited livings,

The cycle of Life,

Will show its true face,

The Dimension of the living space,

If you want to know it all,

March, to the arch,

Be brave and face Death,

Walk to the road that is winding and long,

While listening intently,

To the Perish Song,

The arch claimed many lives,

Children, husbands, and wives,

Friends and foes,

Brought sadness and woes,

They marched in unison,

United under Death,

Forgetting about their last breath,

Forgetting about the world and its wrath,

Leaving the world,

In search of the truth,

That hung loosely in space,

Invisible to the eyes of the living,

So they marched as brave fools,

To the arch with the road that is long,

As they die peacefully,

Listening to,

The Perish Song.

Break Ups and Moving On.

I would like start this entry, just to ask this question: Have you ever been in love before? If you do, or you are still in love, great. However, for those who have felt break ups, this will be my story, and some of my point of views on break ups. This won't be that hard to understand, just read it carefully though.


When you're in love, the feeling of being loved and cared for just oozes in and out of you. making you feel like, this girl actually acknowledges my capability to lead a relationship and protect her from any harm. Yeah, you go bragadocious to your friends and all, but when you see for real, it is not something to be bragged and make you arrogant, showing of some chick beside you that you love her, but it goes deeper than that. There are people who can't differentiate between a fling and a real relationship.


What's the difference? Well, it's how you feel for her. You love her more than just looks, more than sexual attraction, you love her for what she is, how she is, and what makes her attractive to you in the first place. You respect her privacy, her status as a respected human female with religion, embracing her as a human female that tries to improve herself in this relationship. THAT is how I perceive it as TRUE LOVE to a woman.


BUT~~ yeah, things got messed up, being too jealous, too close for comfort, being too nosy, too protective and possessive. Somehow, you get bored out of the relationship, that spark dies slowly and fade away. You just can't see it as a future for you to be together, having a family, having children, it just seems not right. That's when you just feel like you want to be out of the relationship, because of seeing no prospect of that relationship. Breaking up, telling her the news is devastating.


For me; tears, sobbing, moaning, crouching at the corner of a room, cupping her face with her hands, even lying on the ground, I've seen  em' all. It's just sad and sometimes pathetic to see how they handle break ups. Some girls do have their heads held high and I salute you to that, but I see some who can't take it well. After you break the news, you just feel so miserable,like crap. You just made someone you love so much to just another stranger in life, or maybe worse, listed in her official shit list. However, the most difficult process in break ups is this....


MOVING ON.


The time of moving on, making amends of the lost you just had so precious, you feel empty inside. You feel scared, angry and maybe just disappointed with yourself, thinking why didn't it go right. The only thing I always comfort my self is that God will make you find another girl who is better than the last. Yeah, up until this day, I do have more matured and educated girls in my past relationships. 


However, not all of them are perfect. One of em' is a gold digger, and boy that threw me off the ground. Dating was such a scare for me, I just don't wanna go out that often, but love makes you stupid sometimes, either stupid but careful or stupid and going stupider. I held on, let her feel being indulged, happy that she feels being with me, she is loved by someone who is loving and can take care of her. Well, I just can't take it no more, I broke it up. BADLY.


Suffice to say, it went nuts, curses flying, shouting, and all the shenanigans happened. One feisty bitch I would say. In the end, I just walked away, leaving her alone. Until now, I never spoke to her, not even a call or SMS, or anyhting that has to do with communication. However I would like to tell you a story of the girl before her. There my be some overlapping with the story above, so bear with me. The one that I loved deeply, truly. 


Here it goes:


I had a girlfriend. A very loyal, trusting, loving girlfriend in the past. Then, came another girl, pouring her heart out, crying her eyes out on me, telling me how she broke up and can’t stand the pain of living, bla bla boo fucking hoo. So, I was young, rash and hormonally imbalance, and a becoming scoundrel, I flirted with her, telling her the guy was a fool for letting her go. I courted her. Then, she became my secret lover, without telling my other girlfriend. So, I got confused, regretting what I did, I stupidly broke up with my trusting, loving, loyal girlfriend and ran off with the other one. She was broken-hearted. Couldn’t do anything. I truly loved her, she was really dear to me. 


We could’ve gone far with each other. Several months later, after falling from a higher ground with bone-crunching sound effect, a boulder followed on and crushing me underneath it. Metaphorically. Turns out the girl I’ve been dating, is a BEEYOTCH. A whiny one too. She only looks at me for money. I was too blind to see what has happened, lost everything in this so called relationship. My ex girlfriend found another man, I broke up with the current one, with anger and over the top shouting match ensued, I was thinking of bitch slapping her.


Then, I MOVED ON with my Life.


That happened on the month of October, actually this 15th will mark 1 year of the break up. Yeah, I'm pathetic, am I? So, moving on sucks actually. But it teaches you to be a strong person. A saying I found said:


"Those who suffer the most will be the happiest in the end."


It's like a journey, first you are in a heavenly dream, but in the end you wake in a nightmare. You become so critical to the opposite sex, you become phobic with love and relationship and commitment. I am trying hard to overcome this problem, because I still want to love, to feel that feeling of caring, that special feeling of love, and sharing it with a woman that also answers the love you give.The problem with me is maintaining it. I just need to learn from the past, to make it interesting all the way.


So, that's it, I guess. Kinda bummed out when you remember the dates you broke up and reliving the memories of it. It's like a broken record playing it in repeat forever. But hey, they taught me good stuff about girls. That's what I want to say. If I wanna say more, I might as well write a book on each of my relationships and get money out of it. Hehehe...


Sayonara to all of you, and think this: Every human has a chance to love. You just need to find it diligently, and pray to God that you will find the One that will LOVE YOU FOREVER. Remember that, God is with you, no matter what shits and stones broke your pride or ego, God is with you Forever. Before I end this, I just need to type this down, I typed this to my friend , like an advise to him about love:

"Love is a strange thing. It can be a cure, it can be a disease. It can make you happy when you have it, but when you lose, it rips chunks of your heart when it is gone, because it is stuck for a long time because you are so accustomed to it."

So, that's it, see you next time readers. It is a bit long, but I hope you read it till this line. Goodbye and wassalam.