Seek Only What You Need, Leave What Is Not Yours.

I that I wanted to say is that the choices that you are given in front of you, grab them while it is in front of you, but leave what does not have anything to do with you. This is what I seek in making myself pick the right choices in life and leave the things that only clutters my road of Life.

One should be specific in what is to be targeted in your goals, make the right preparations, right deals, right moves, and right execution. Do not tamper on what is already there laid upon you, but improvise, and make them interesting. Life is boring without the colours, the shapes and sizes, the emotions and soul. It is what makes us humans the most interesting beings. Simpletons only perceive emotions as just tools in showing what is projected by the facial expression and the surroundings. However, it runs deeper than that. What triggers such emotions? Why people are drawn to sensitivity or anger, or extreme depression? The traumatic end of what has happened to one of you? Maybe a near death experience? Raped? Someone close died? What triggers greed? Jealousy? Why take more of what is left little for others to live? Why we look down on other people and make them feel inferior to us? Such negativity is what we emit all along and we don't notice it.

We should seek our choice in our lives that can be respected by others. However, conflict emerges when two cultures collide. They seek flaws of one and each other, growing hatred builds inside them, loathing each other even before it started. So, in order to make this problem is to seek what is only compatible with our way of life, and leave what cannot be fused in our lifestyle.

They say greed kills a human by choking them with what they procure in excess. It is actually true. They blind themselves with false happiness, pseudo-power, and immortality. One will die eventually, they just think money can make them live forever. They are all fools. But then, money is not the root of all evil, but the person is the root of all evil, and it is worse when they possess a lot of money. So, take only what is given to you, never expect more, live on what you have worked for, never take bribes and stolen money.

I was angry when I first typed this entry, but then, I feel... nothing. Any emotion that I evoke worsens the situation and the mental state that I'm in. You are not the people who can make the pathway in my life, I choose to make the road. I choose what treacherous path I go. I don't need your highways, back streets, and short cuts.  I follow the safest paths, which is the Path of Light. Where there is Light, Darkness will never come near me. It will annihilate fear, making me confident and safe. If you detest my choice, maybe you are not meant for me. You are only an ornament that is broken, waiting for me to throw away and be recycled to something I can live with and understand.

The end is never easy to face. Are you ready to face the end of one phase to the other phase in making it big in your life? Are you the person that you shaped in the past, improving your present state so that your dreams will come true in the future? Think about it. I'll be going now. See you next time as I go in circles, trying to find the way that will make me better. unfortunately, the way is circular, it goes back to the beginning. The true question is, Where is the beginning? Where does it end? Why is it circular in the first place. I'll leave you to think of this while I 'll try to find some ideas in WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING? Goodbye, dear readers.

To Her Cerebrum, Cerebellum, and The Medula Oblongata

Words, sharp as weapons,

With accurate precision,

Piercing her brain,

Rupturing her mmemory,

Her conscience wanes,

Driving her insane,

A discreet direct attack,

Towards her,

She lack defences,

The Wall of Power,

The Power of terror,

Razing her mind,

Now, she is lost,

In her own mind,

Groping in darkness,

The Light she can never find,

Fighting her own demons,

Facing the Devil of mercilessness,

Banishing her to an eternity of evil sermons,

Killing her slowly,

Burning her brain,

Bringing her disdain,

Twisting her thoughts as they have said,

Felt like she is brain dead,

Like a bullet through her head,

She felt the agonizing pain,

Nothing she can gain,

Her thoughts of life washed away,

She thinks about Death everyday,

She thinks Death is your friend,

Which brings her solace,

Handing her a gun,

The problem solver,

To all difficulties,

She pointed the revolver,

To say goodbye to the world,

She pulled the trigger,

Now she is dead,

Her brain splattered on the wall,

A story showing,

That she is weak,

As I speak,

To her mind,

As I found,The relative excruciating pain,

From her cerebrum, cerebellum,

And her medulla oblongata...

Suicide Poem. The Dark Days when I just wanna take that gun and put it in my mouth pull the trigger and get it one with. Written April 28th 2008. By Raziel Rizalinium, for Raziel Rizalinium.

You Just Don't Know When To Stop Dreaming. When You Do, It Leaves A Hole In Your Heart

Once, I had that single dream, dreaming to be someday a famous person. A person that really, can change the world in whatever I do, whatever ways in making them feel accepted, things that makes people have a purpose in life. I wanted to be that person, but to be like that, I need to feel that weakness, that despair, that feeling of uselessness formed inside those poor souls, eating their self-esteem, confidence and morality. What I found out, is that none of that happened, and I feel like what I did was nothing more than self torture, destroying my core soul in growing up like a normal human being.

The type of famous that I wanted was not to be known by public, but what is cherished by them. What makes them think of me as those who had helped because I did it for the fame, but for what I think is right and worthy to be helped. Yes, being nice, doesn't mean I'm not picky when helping people. That's who I am, I guess.

That dream when people remember you of the good things you did rather than bad things you've done to them is what i want to achieve before I face my Maker. However.......

Keeping dreams is difficult when things that can't be avoided like chance, unfortunate events, choosing between bad, worse, and worst, lose-lose situations are some things we all have to go through in our lives. Yes, we may hurt some people along the way, but it's the way life is. Somehow, saying sorry for a millionth time doesn't make it any better than it was before. It has become something on an empty word, promise apology in making it feel better for the ears to hear, but not the heart to mend.

Next, I've abandoned that dream. I failed in making it become true. I have stained myself with other peoples hatred, loathing, and spite until I cannot control what is inevitable, Enemies. Yeah, jealousy or witnessing other peoples weakness makes those feel superior or threaten them so they can overcome another being in showing them violence because they want to. I was the victim and I know how it felt to be alienated, picked on and pushed around.

What makes it worse then it is, it leaves ahole in your soul, making you dreamless, nothing seems right, you question your own existence. Why does everything not make sense of anything that shouldn't be related to in the first place? A small world that people think they can runaway from someone, just to be caught in the same place they committed the crime? Babbling again, sorry. You see, I've lost faith in what they call a dreams, hopes, goals. Not only they only just plan by saying it, but they are not doing nothing about it.

Dunno why, but I feel empty inside, when all I ever dreamt of never came true, because what I want is impossible. It frustrates me to think like that, like If I don't do any harm to others, no harm will come upon me. For me, that's bullshit. Problems crop up anywhere, you just need to learn how to overcome all of it. Shit, if I get a penny for every dream a kid says before sleep, I'd be rich and can afford to die and buried in Mars.

So, with the File Sharing sites blocked in this country, the nerd rage is heating up and will explode any minute. I'm not supposed to say anything right now, but hey, it's your death wish, mate. Let's say that they are destroying these people's dreams. Hehehe... 

So, that's it. Actually just saying nonsense. Hope you have a clear path in making your dreams come true, because I don't have one. See ya next time, suckas... Have a fucking good holiday and stay off the booze if you're driving, awright... Bye.

Feeling Content? Hell No!!

Just that now I finished my degree, the road to unveil my future is shrouded with mystery, or someone forgot to switch off the smoke machine... Y'see, Now, the group will separate to two groups, one who will find a job, and one who will further their studies, Masters. Well, I belong to the second group, cuz actually I don't feel like having a serious job in my early twenties. C'mon, who gives a two-bit shit bout a 22-year-old saying stuff and believe em'? I for sure don't believe it. So, I'll be doing my Masters, and with my parents approval, well, the wheels will roll on with haste and fall into pieces, completing the beginning of my first step to making myself useful to the country.

However, I just don't feel that connection with others bout having a job now. I feel like learning is something that is fulfilling and needs to be done continuously. I need that satisfaction of learning new things and things that makes my brain think all the time. If I stop thinking, my brain will project absurdities and think of the impossible. It is highly dangerous for me to do that. I can go crazy and start questioning what is not supposed to be questioned. Much of em are philosophical bullshit, like, "Why am I living?", or "Why am I born a human, not something else?", or "What is the purpose of living?". Yeah, those type of questions. I'm trying to help myself get out of that hell-hole and make it go straight back up above ground, and I'm living dangerously, walking along the edge, one tip to the side and I'll fall like Humpty Dumpty. Or Jack. Whatever.

So, what I need is to exercise. Well, physically and mentally. More to physical but my mental health is so tired and bored, when turned off, It'll burst and break down and sadly, will be far from being treatable with Diazepam or Prozac. I've been force running myself on the treadmill. Need to shed some weight off my body. I'll also be making my brain running with exercise, like watching videos, Sudoku, reading books and novels, watching bad porn movies with awful dialogues where the man didn't even do anything and the chick just gave him head for no reason whatsoever. Yeah, you think I watch em' cuz I'm a perv? Well, I criticize those vids too. At least make it believable.

Moving on, to fill in these small space of time before my mom forces me to find a part time job in having to fill in the big space of time between now and September, I've been playing games. One in my PS3 and he other in my friend's PC. I'm playing LA Noire in PS3 and re-playing Fallout New Vegas in PC. Yeah, LA Noire fuckin' rulezzz y'all!! It's like a movie and the motion capture of the faces is just... WOW!! Totally worth every RM160. Next on my list will be months away, is inFamous 2. I know it's comig this June 7th, but money restrictions and all, can't buy em in a space of 2 weeks, got to eat and drive y'all. Driving means I need gas money, fools!!

Y'know what, maybe it's because of I have that ningling fear of being an adult. Being an adult, means you have tons and tons of responsibilities to do. Pay this, pay that, do complicated work which I don't understand. Mostly hocus pocus, mumbo jumbo to me. So, to avoid being that guy who criticizes anything for no reason and trying to be show off, I'd better shut my mouth and move on. Don't give a fuck, actually. THAT'S why I'll be doing my Masters. So, I can be an adult, but gradually and slowly. Man, just think, being an adult. Taxes, bills, and even if you have sex it feels like an obligation than having fun, paying a hooker feels more like business too. You pay for the pimp and the value added tax. Humph!!

I'd love to stay as a 22 year old, but then when you say that, you get older, and you;ll wish that you were younger and you'll end up being disappointed not doing anything with your life. I don't like being alone, being single for more than 2 years... Well, that's my choice. The only hot action I'll get is with Rosie Palm and Her Five Close Friends who lives on West Side. Mostly people prefer girls on the East but I'm a bit different, get it? I hope you don't, cuz I'm not talking bout girls.

Well, people won't be reading this shitz anyways, so I just feel that I need to cool off, have some finger warm-ups right now. Typing is fun if it's really about nothing, but it contains something. It feels refreshing and enlightened to type this. Maybe it's therapy for weirdo and nerd like me. I can write about anything as long as it is not serious and stuff that makes people troll your blog, well, it's good enough for me.

If you read this, means you do give a damn about me! I feel so happy when you read this useless crap, and the more you read it, the more you feel you've wastes precious time reading my blog. I feel like spewing profanities, cussing left, right, front and back but I'm trying not to be like that. That ain't me, yo. That ain't cool. So, if you want to be friends with me, at least say Hi and leave a comment and I will or will not respond to it. If you put sexy pictures or you are a sexy lady, I'll respond to you as quick as lightning, or like any other cyber predator there is.

I'll be back, and make you feel more uncomfortable to you by talking about Period Cycle. Nah, fuck that, don't believe it. I'll be writing more rants and blatherings to make you feel that actually, there is someone who is more douchebag than you are and I feel like I have a chance to live in this world and not commit suicide. Good, let me be your guiding light by being in your darkness, I consume your insecurities and make your life better than I have right now. I am your saviour in not feeling insecure with your body and any fluid or icky sticky that comes out of you. OK, see you next time in Rizalinium's Crazy LaLa Land. Don't do drugs, I'll fuck up your mind. Read my blog, it's as damaging as it can be. Goodbye, lovely readers.

Love Scenes in Books: The Do's and Dont's in Writing Hot Love Scenes.

OK, I've been reading a lot of romantic scenes, love scenes, and sex scenes, until I know what should be done to improvise or change in making the scene believable and can be enjoyed by the people who reads it. So, here are some tips, steps, or whatever you call it in writing a love scene.

No.1: Decide what type of writing you are comfortable with.

You see, a reader should read a lot of books that is diverse in writing the love scenes. There are many of those that just only focuses on on of these two categories. emotion and sex. One can have all sex, no emotion, or all emotion, but no sex. It is important in having in balanced so it sounds believable. One can insert normal fetishes that is condoned by the public, and making it steamier or erotic but also limit yourself so that it does not turn into a sex story. Remember, if it is tasteful and realistic, but not boring and redundant, doing the same thing over and over with the same movements and climax, you are on the right track.

No.2: Make the scenes real

This is one of the important things in making a love scene good and real.Your characters are HUMANS, and one should know the human capabilities and limits in having sex. No one will never believe on had sex 24 hours straight, right? Also, the bodily functions should be written accurately, for example orgasms for women. It is hard to achieve orgasms and it becomes ridiculous when the sex was so good, she achieved multiple orgasms. This is not the TRUTH. Sure, some women can achieve it, but not after like 10 minutes and the man just started thrusting her for 5 to 6 times, and she is spent. That is not the real. Only hentai can do that ;-) . I might like to add the height of sensitivity of the characters are having while having sex. This sometimes can be too exploited to be over-emotional when being teased by each other. It is great when the couple feels hot, wanting with wanton lust, but not when they are only at the foreplay. Sometimes I read books that makes a blowjob feel like it is the most pleasurable thing in the world and the man can't handle it. The women screams and shriek when the men licks, laves her wet, slick soft skin (you know where). To sum it, to exaggerate, one should be realistic, not that over the top that it becomes weird and ridiculous.

No.3: Sexual tension is a must to elevate it to the next level (sex)

Unless you watch porn all the time, one never goes into a room, tears their clothes and start humping like a dog in heat. The writer should be aware the place, the environment, and how to utilize fully the place in making the tension elevate. It should be done from the start as it is gonna drag when you just start with innocent conversation and making turn to sexual will take a lot more pages and thinning the readers patience. Writers should at least show the physical aspects of the sexual tension, like the muscles, breathingand the tone of the voice used by the characters. After that, transitioning to foreplay will be easy as pie. The thing is, don't make a scene where there is nothing but silence and at the wrong place to meet and have a love scene on the spot. It should at least know what they are feeling. And please, never ever have that scene spoiled, like, "Suddenly, someone knocked at the door". I cringe and have the urge to burn the book when it goes to that path. If you wanna write the damn scene, do it properly.

No.4: Set the scene and mood of the characters

This involves the 5 senses of humans, scents, sights, tastes, sounds, textures. Add this with pleasure having sex, putting it into natural form. What you normally do to be turned on by something, that's what you should be writing in there. The scene can be a candle-lit room, with romantic songs playing, add lingerie and the man only wearing silk trousers. This I'll leave it to your imagination.

No.5: Use the background/talents your characters have in initiating the bond between characters

An added bonus for this is when you put talents in your characters and using it to impress the other party rather than being an average Joe or Jane falling in love with normal circumstances, like personality and physical appearance. Add things like he's a musician, or she's a dancer, a stage actor role playing with her. Keep it interesting and strengthen the bond when the act is done. It can also be done by both, like both dancing sensuously under the stars with Heaven gazing above them. Something like that.

No.6: Point of View

This is a crucial point in telling the love scene, especially the sex part. Some like tot tell it from both point of view, some only the man or the woman. For me, because sex is a couple thing, it should be viewed by both points without spoiling the emotions of the other part in the other point of view. Meaning, when having a point of view from the man, One should not describe the feelings of the woman when the man is having sex with her. It is better to change views if you want to tell it. However, You should not change it frequently, as it will confuse the readers and makes them frustrated in following through which character is having the emotions. Be careful with this.

No.7: Details, Details, Details

This is also important and crucial when writing all novels or fictional works. Never change the physical appearance and characteristics of the characters. Once she's a blonde, and then she's a brunette, or this dude is short and stocky, suddenly he's a tall, lanky dude. Readers are aware of this and will question who is actually the character.

Next, details as in what attracts the hero to the heroine, One can never look and fall in love at first sight. Sometimes beauty can be skin deep. It's what we all are attracted to first, before knowing her/him. You can say that he's attracted to her soft, luscious lips while she's sipping her drink, or when she sees him jogging and checking out this hot body. 

The next detail is how the meet with each other. This should at least be interesting than the overused dropped something and the guy helps her pick it off the floor. Formal introduction or a friends introducing to one another is also overused. Try like they wanted to buy the last loaf of bread, of she stumbles on him, knocking him off his feet and she landed on top of him. Just be creative in making the introduction unique and romantic. 

No.7: Dialogue

Can you imagine having quiet sex? Seems bloody awkward  and there are no feelings when having sex with no moans and naughty dialogues in it, right? Using dialogue within a scene of sensual awareness can heighten the erotic edge immeasurably. Just a few words can prompt enough excitement to make your reader unbearably uncomfortable. 

Next is never, ever use bad euphemisms describing the anatomy of the human body especially the intimate parts. You see, his throbbing erection or her wet, slick soft skin is acceptable, but please do not use euphemisms like her Secret Garden, Tunnel of Love or his Man Meat or Magic Wand. Unless you're trying to be funny, AVOID it at all cost. Do not use the direct word of penis and vagina, it kills the buzz in the erotic feelings. As a rule, it is better not to mention it frequently as  the readers know how sex is done and part of the anatomy will be used.

However, adding humour in sex is a big plus. Humour can merge better with sex as it is boring when one is too deep in pleasure, it feels serious and more to obligation in having sex with each other. One can add like, "You won't go soft on me, are you?","Baby, I can never go soft on you like this," he grinned like a giddy child. Make it tasteful, easing the tension and one should be enjoying the sex.

No.8: Less is more in love scenes

Love scenes should be told as it is, you do not need to be describing all the minor details, like the length, or how is her breasts, and many others. Sometimes a short love scene can be filled with erotic pleasure of two to five pages. Don't forget the foreplay, desire of each other teasing one another sometimes is hotter than humping and bumping. Making the reader feel what your character feels is what we want to achieve in writing a great love scene. 

Don't be too obsessed with the intimate parts of the body too much. We all know what they are doing and which part of the body they are using. So, get on with it and don't waste pages describing it with detail.

However, to make it long enough so it doesn't feels short, describe what they are thinking when having sex. It what makes the readers know the intentions of why and what is actually happening . Thoughts are important in knowing if the sex is for the sake of pleasure or just for fun.

No.9: Don't write sex for the sake of sex

Continuing from the main point, the sex should have meaning and purpose in having it. The purpose and reasons should be strong because one never throws away their virtue willy-nilly like that, especially women you are virgins in the story. It should be strong enough to initiate the feeling of love, pleasure and eroticism to let the hero in penetrating her, giving away a gift of her virginity. It should have the strong bond between them and that's what makes the love scene believable.

No.10: Reveal something after the love scene

Like in number 9, after the love scene, they should have reasons, feelings after their private interlude with each other. Tell the readers if the characters feels guilty, satisfied, pleasant, or downright sated from the hot sex. Admitting of loving her/him, proposal of marriage, reveal hidden emotions, or any devious schemes in having sex with him/her makes it interesting and readers will delve more into the story.

So, what I can summarise is that love scene is actually fun to do. Let your imagination go wild, but one should put a line to limit yourself in what should be written so it is believable and real. Love scenes can make or break a story. if it is bad, people will skip to the next scene, wasting paper and story. However, if it is done properly, it can make the reader delve deeper, feeling wet, hot and aching for the actions the characters are having. So, those who are interested in writing love scenes, you are welcome to read this as a guide in making one hot, sexy story. if you would like to share me some of the stories, I'd like to read them. I won't be criticizing coz I'm also an amateur in writing it. I'd like to learn more in how to write the love scenes it can make any women melt while reading it. Heh, I'll be back another time, folks. Keep it real, and goodbye. May we meet again for another long, useful entry, awright? Cheers... 

I Don't Love You Anymore

When I see you,

The feeling has lost itself,

Buried far away under,

You have become, 

A distant memory to remember,

When we met in December,

Our lives were dismembered,

We became demented,

We have lost the game of love,

We were defeated,

You became a song,

Of a broken-hearted desire,

We fell to the holes of repeating liars,

Lies that burns our passion of fire,

To be ashes of the forgotten past,

I am sorry to see you now,

For saying "Say it no more",

Because I do not love you anymore,

My love died down,

You couldn't care anymore,

I cried when I saw you,

Walk to the door,

I cannot bear the pain,

Of my heart that is sore,

Because the love could never be more,

The work of our love,

Was accidentally torn,

For I cannot love you more,

For I shall walk to the door,

Because I do not love you anymore,

When I walked farther,

You shouted hoarsely,

You said we were perfect,

Now our lives are finished,

I'm sorry but I have to leave,

I did everything until i couldn't give,

I'm in no mood for love,

I am no longer above you,

So I will walk away,

I hope you will find another,

That can love you forever,

Everyday, every year,

But before I go,

I would like to say it one more,

I don't love you,

ANYMORE....

This poem was written on the 17th of April 2007. This is still my anthem in break-ups in my life. It was dedicated to my ex when it we were not really in good times, so I dunno how to say it in front of her. So, I wrote this poem to her and guess what, we broke up smoothly. She wanted out, I wanted out. Still, this poem will always resonate in my head, those mistakes I've done, the wrong turns I've made. Those who just broke up, read this. It kinda cheered me up, though, depressed as it is. Enjoy this poem, y'all. Thanks for reading, Goodbye...