Dirty Jokes 2

1. Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring......

2. Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?" Sharon said waving her arm under her friend's nose. "Yeah. What's it called?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What's that mean?" A clerk offered some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" Sharon took another sniff. "That doesn't smell like come to me," she said, offering her arm to her friend again. "Does that smell like come to you?"

3. There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, its average!"

4. A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

5. She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."

6. According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal woman were.

7. A gay guy walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a large knob of salami. "Would you like it sliced, sir?" the shopkeeper asked politely. "What do you think I am?" replied the fag, "...a slot machine!?"

8. Researcher: Excuse me madam, I'm conducting a survey.
Woman: Yes, what is it about?
Researcher: We are asking people what they think about sex on the television...
Woman: Very uncomfortable, I would imagine!

9. A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her fucking husband!"

10. Two wives were shopping until one of them was planning to buy potatoes.
"These potatoes reminds me of my husbands' balls."
"Wow! Are they that BIG?"
"No, they're that DIRTY!"

The Rage Will Go On...

This is Rizalnium speaking from the heart of pure filth and darkness that brews inside of a guy that is just hungry for lusta nd earthly pleasures. The rage and battle of the mind is now escalating to the point of a boiling water. It shivers and shatters. I just can't think properly when in a quiet rage. I can't release it in one go. I want to be the sinner that is an innocent saint of a guy. It reeks of death and fear. Anger is a gift by the Devil to commit atrocious behaviour and actions. It makes us think irrationally and fucked up. It screws the mind and turning us to one of the most violent person we can ever be. It is wrong when someone goes into a rage we compare it to an anmal. Animals have compassion too. They just can't think rationally. I think that anger is just an involuntary action coz it causes the violence without us meaning it. I was and still am a short-tempered person. I just can't stand irresponsible people and especially late people who promises  time. I am very particular about time. It also bugs me when people are just too dependant on relying on me. It leaves a bitter taste of what I hate the most in any friendships, which is called FFB(Friends For Benefits). Person who makes friends with a person so that he/she can take advantage of someone. To those people, I give a BIG FUCK YOU!! to ALL of you. I'm not kidding. I am a helpful person when someone in need of money when they are short on money and can't buy food for themselves. However, when they become too comfortable doing it, he/she becomes really spoiled, and become dependant. This also implies in information gathering. When you want to ask a question like where is the exam gonna be held, go and ask people near you for gods sake. I was chilling at home when I get calls and SMS about it and I was really annoyed and angry. That person can actually ask someone else for tht matter and knws I was at home. I also don't know where it was and he asks me to ask someone else. The fuck man.. Go and ask them yourself... I just want to get that off my chest. Rage is always in my blood, in everyones blood. I just don't like to get angry but it is just that annoying and snotty-like behaviour I just want to slap him in the face. He thinks he is nice and all, trying to act saintly. Well, to all of my coursemates, study hard on Meteorology, I guess that is the only paper we can score, other papers are just that useless, except ethics and spanish. This is just a angry blog and hope you don't go and tick me off in these few days, you under-fucking-stand? When all shit comes down, all try and cools off and recuperate my emotions. This will be the end for today. Quick reminder, I will be gone for two weeks, goind overseas for some exchange student program. PLACE? Secret... I'll tell you some other time. So, I'll just back off for you to read and digest the writings on the wall of shame. Get the fuck away from trouble you'll be fine,awright? Bye, and wassalam...