Wednesday, 26 October 2016

Million Things Happening at the Same Time

So, it's been a while since I published a post here. Kinda like when you open a box up in the attic, you brush off the dust on top of the book and put it on a table and start writing on the half-eaten paper (Damn silverfish!).

Now that I have Rambling Rizal on my podcast, I have nothing mind-blowing to share here, but I just wanna vent out that I am having a mild freak-out for almost 2 days.

As you all know, I'll be bringing Rambling Monkeys to YouTube (Worry not, I'll still be publishing in Soundcloud, so people can listen in iTunes and Stitcher). That's one thing I have to establish. Now, I have ideas to kickstart other new shows under Rambling Monkeys Channel, aside from the main channel in interviewing interesting people with interesting lives. There are 3 new shows, as follows:

1) Royal Rambles

I just started this show, it's all about Wrestling. I got 3 people to host this show: Belvin, Arvind and Suresh. They'll invite a guest once in a while and discuss on everything that has to do with wrestling. It's a bi-monthly show (that means twice a month) so it won't take up much of my time. This one will have a specific schedule so I gotta be free during that time. I won't be in it, but I'll be the uhhh... producer? Also, the sound guy, controlling the volume and stuff. Wait, I do that when I'm hosting too, so it's normal. Yeah, check it out yo! The first episode is out!

2) Ready, Set, Ramble!

Alright, you know that I've reviewed movies with Megat Danial and Balya Ariff, so NOW I want to separate this from the main show and make it a new show. So Ready, Set, Ramble! is pretty much the same, just that it has its own show. There will be more people involved, not only Megat Danial & Balya Ariff. I might invite others, who are film buffs to review new movies. I will be involved in the reviews, BUT if I haven't watched the movie, I might just be the guy behind the scenes and let the guests talk. However, I will do my best to watch all the movies and record the review with them. This won't have a fixed schedule, just when a movie comes out and we wanna review it, then we'll record an episode.

3) Rambling Gamers

Yes, this is also in the podcast, given its own show and we'll review games! Yeay! Okay, it's the same as the Movie Show, except this will be about video games. This also won't have any fixed schedules, we'll pick a game that we all play and then review it. So, it's seasonal. This one I'll be in the show for every game review.

4) The Zamzul Rizal Show (TZRS, for short)

Okay, that's just a fancy name for vlogging. Yes, I will shamelessly vlog about stuff in my life. This won't be a daily vlog or weekly vlog. This will be "I'll vlog whenever I feel like vlogging, okay?" type of vlogging. I will try to make my life as interesting and eventful as possible so people will watch it. I might start this next month. Eheheheh... All I need is to buy a video editing software and I'm good. Oh and Rambling Rizal will be transferred here!

For those who asked what is the brand of the camera I bought, it's a CANON EOS M3. The reason I bought that camera is because it has an external mic input. I bought a RODE VIDEOMICRO. We all know the built in mic in those type of cameras are awful. Gotta fork out a bit for good sound quality.

Okay, it's not LITERALLY million things happening at the same time, but I'm leading these shows and hopefully make something out of it. Also, as much as I would like to add more... These shows are more than enough for me. I don't want to break down by adding more problems. You have to remember, setting up the equipment, the actual recording and then post recording (editing). Yeah, that's a lot to just upload ONE episode.

Before I end this post, I'm actually working on a short story (or film?) and my friends Yen and Aan are helping me especially the script. I laid out the story line and now it needs dialogues. After that, find talents and then shooting! This might take a long time but hey, it's my first time and it's my story. I really want this to happen.

There's another project I'm working on (Damn Rizal, that's a lot of stuff you're involved in!) but I can't say much. It's in the early stages and I don't want to spoil it.

There, that's all. I wanna end this post by telling you peeps who are reading this: If it's possible, just do it. So peace, yo! See you in 2020 where I mysteriously publish another post, hopefully about married life and problems of being famous. Ahahah!

Nah, I'll try to publish stuff here regularly. Hopefully. Can't promise that. Yeah, goodbye.

-Raziel Rizalinium-

Thursday, 23 June 2016

The Unkindled

The echo inside my head
Pounding hard to burst out
Those words I should have said
Screams lies that I know nothing about

A daylight jump scare
Drags down my dreams
Changes to a nightmare
A whisper, turns into a deafening scream

I'm not your man
Find me if you can
I'm not your lover
Lost and undiscovered

I'm just a shadow
Life left me hollow
Fading in the background
Gone without a sound

I prefer not to speak
I'm an irrelevant freak
I prefer not to write
I see darkness in light

I carved a hole in my heart
I'm the idiot who is smart
I numb the pain inside
So I feel validated on the underside

Tuesday, 21 June 2016

No Title, Part 1: Memories and Revelations

Disclamer: Yeah, yeah, fictional characters, got any same name, it's just a coincidence, nothing to do with anyone dead or alive, but some are based on. Got no title yet, characters names not confirmed yet, just a pilot. Comment on it, please, if I need any correction or improvement. Enjoy!

“Damn!” He tossed the crumpled paper to the wall. Another failure. Another half-baked plot which didn’t make any sense to him at all. This was very, very bad for Nate. It has been months since he started to write another novel, but no idea had come to him. No spark from his muse that had been his lone companion in delivering the best lines of his life. Now, that lovely time has gone and living seems like a waste of time.

It was raining heavily outside, lightning piercing the atmosphere which he felt the sudden jolt when the floor rumbled at his humble abode.  The cigarette between his fingers has lost its flavour, and he threw it out of the window, and after a long body stretch, he stared outside, looking at Mother Nature’s rage, screaming like a banshee, obliterating trees along the road with her strong gale and roaring storm.

The success of his first novel, The Grand Passion was just a distant memory he’d love to have back. That feeling of people loving the stories that based loosely on his scandalous adventures, amorous liaisons, made him a rich man along the way to stardom. The readers always and will always love to read scandals. However, karma taught him a lesson that what comes up, must come down. He felt that sinking feeling that he will be that author who only has one great book and what comes after are horrible and crap. That thought has disturbed for months and left him sleepless especially nights like this. He also felt abandoned by his fans, family and friends, and his best friends, Sal and Daniel.

Sal, also known as Sally, is his best friend since his childhood days, alongside with his comrade-in-arms and best buddy, Daniel.  They were the epitome of mischievous and trouble in their younger days. How happy and blissful those days were, until 2 years ago.

Daniel married Sally. That hit him like a curve ball out of nowhere, hitting him below the belt. It was expected that those two were in love during their university days. The looks that they gave were obvious, looks of a couple both madly in love. They dated for another 2 years before tying the knot, on that cold winter month of December. He felt uncomfortable just to look at them and felt like the odd person out of the picture which they have painted for themselves, forgetting him like a shadow disappearing when the sun comes down. They had their honeymoon in Southern France and now, living happily as husband and wife.

He didn’t like that pinch of jealousy inside him swelling and telling him that he should be marrying her, as he has secretly loved her for years, but he was afraid to hurt Dan’s feelings. He just stepped down and let Dan took rein over her and woo her and finally, asked for her hand in marriage. It made him feel sick just rewinding those bitter memories which he thinks are better buried deep, deep down in a Pit of Regrets.

After the wedding, he retreated back home and became a recluse, only going to out to socialize with his other friends, or acquaintances, down at the bar, watching football on weekends. He went back during the holidays to meet his parents, trying his best to avoid Sal and Dan, but it was impossible. They will surely come over to his parents home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, as they live nearby. That awkward moment when you try to initiate a conversation with them but you see that they were displaying public affection on the dinner table and at the living room. It made him feel uneasy that he always went outside to have a smoke and not come back for an hour or two. Nobody cared if he was off for a long time. He was in his own world, thinking about his next book, his next fictional adventure. Anything to take away from looking at his 2 best friends making out and imagining them making love in the bedroom, or anywhere that was possible to do the deed. 

In the span of 2 years, he churned out only 2 books, but they didn't do as well as his first. Goodreads comments were getting toxic, criticizing and comparing his first book with the new ones, saying he has lost his touch, his writings were becoming more broody and the progression of his story were getting too predictable. The female character in every book were the same, but with different names.

The female character that almost looks like Sal.

He decided to take a break for 4 months after the 3rd book and then start again, with a clear head, a carton of cigarettes and a good bottle of whisky. However, after that wedding, it affected his writings. He couldn't imagine or describe something with finesse. He was getting more and more belligerent and tactless in his writings. His latest books could pass off as a borderline erotica and less of a romance. Surprisingly, the publisher didn't mind, thinking it might attract new readers. Well, it did, but not that much. He tried so hard to capture the essence of the infatuation, lust and love. Heh, LOVE. Maybe he has lost faith in love. Maybe that's why he's been getting writers block these past few weeks.

He ruffled his hair, took a deep breath and looked up at his ceiling that was making a creaking sound because of the strong winds blowing outside. If the storm goes on for another hour or two, there will be a leak somewhere. The creaking pattern of the ceiling soothed him. Hypnotically, it helped him relieve his stress of not being able to write and not think about his past regrets. As he couldn't write anything and it was getting late, he decided to hit the sack and maybe take a walk early in the morning, with fresh air in his lungs. The nicotine had lost its appeal. 

As he was heading to his bedroom, suddenly, there was a loud knock on his front door, that woke him from his stupor. He didn’t know there was anybody willing to call on him at this weather, also late at night. He walked cautiously to the front door and peeked at the window to see who it was. He was shocked to see who was standing, shivering wildly because of the cold rain.

It was Sal, drenched from head to toe, looking sad and possibly crying in the rain. She must’ve drove miles away from her house just to meet him. It has been a full 4 months since the he met her, during Christmas. She looked beautiful as always, wearing her green sweater and a windbreaker couldn’t even hide her goddess-like physique, that brown hair and deep blue eyes and to top it all was her skin tight jeans, showing her long, sexy legs and her round bottom. She looked elegant even drenched in rain . However, he needed to put that thought out of the window. She was married to his best friend, who's also one of her best friends. Friends help each other without having lust controlling the mind but concern and being helpful when one is in trouble or facing problems.  Something was wrong, and he felt that he needs to eke out the truth behind this sudden meeting.

“What the hell are you doing? Come inside, don’t just stand there.” He grabbed her and quickly closed the door so the neighbours didn’t see her standing in front of his house. “Before you explain yourself, go take a hot bath and we’ll have a long talk about this”. What in God’s name was she thinking, running away like this? Daniel must be worried sick.

“OK, Nate, but don’t call Dan. Trust me, I’ll tell you everything why I’m doing this.” With a worried face,  she helped herself to his bathroom and took a shower.

After waiting for her for at least 15 minutes, drinking two cups of hot coffee to keep him awake, she finally finished showering, wearing his over-large bath robe, looking more like a monk, trying to stare with him with that piercing gaze that could cut him to pieces. She sat calmly next to him with a stern but pleading gaze.

“OK, now can you tell me what’s going on? Does Dan know you’re here? What made you come here, anyway? Did you have a fight….” Without warning, she broke down crying, rushing to him for a hug. Suddenly, that uneasy feeling of platonic friendship and lust raged in a battle that is trying to win over his emotion. He tried kicking himself in his head, trying to make sense out of this. She is married. Married women are out-of-bounds. This is not like one of his stories in The Grand Passion, where the character dallies with married women just for the fun of it.

“I’ve been so stupid all along. I shouldn’t marry him in the first place. I know that this was the biggest mistake of my life. I thought he loved me, but…” Her words trailed with sounds of sobs and sniffs and choked with tears trailing down her puffy eyes.

“But what? What happened, Sal? Did Dan hurt you? Did he do anything stupid?” Dan can sometimes be a bit reckless and outspoken, hurting others without knowing with his sharp tongue and ill-choice of words, but then, that’s normal when you are friends for more than 20 years.

“No. He’s cheating, Nate. He’s having an affair with his partner in business. Coming home late, extra work in the weekends. He’s neglecting me. We haven’t had any real conversation for weeks. I confronted him and he said the workload is too much and he is needed everywhere. I don’t believe him, Nate.” She buried her face on his shoulder, letting it all out.

“Dan? Daniel? The Daniel, our friend for almost 20 years, cheating? I think it’s hard to  believe. Don’t you think that he’s really overworked, and that having a female partner in business is just sparking your untoward jealousy over her?” No way Dan cheated on her, he loved her to Death. He was protective and even tried to clobber him when he even stared her with a demeaning look.

“What?!” Her voice changed. She was furious, and it was showing as she turns red and her fist was clenching his shoulder and it felt like his shoulders were going to be ripped out of his body. “You don’t believe me? I thought you would at least show some sympathy for me and trust me. If you think I’m lying, I have proof that he has been cheating on me.” She stood up, took her bag and took out a handful of pictures and threw it and his desk.

They were pictures of Dan, no doubt about it, with an attractive blonde, tall and slender, having a good time at a fancy restaurant, having lunch. Another, they were shopping at a lingerie store. Other photos were just them walking; holding hands together, but one picture caught his eye.

“Oh, you saw that photo, huh? A photo of him kissing his “business partner” near the fountain. Now you see it?” She jabbed the desk and he feared it will break in two.

“Where did you get these pictures?”

“I followed him, of course. One can never be too trusting when excuses like that are given and one just wave it off like that.” She calmed down, sat next to him, slouching at the end of the sofa. "

“Bloody hell. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know Dan could be such…. an ass. Maybe I need to talk some sense out of him…”

“NO! That won’t do. He’ll eventually know that I’ve been following him around, taking these pictures and taking them to you. It’d cause mayhem. I don’t want our friendship to be broken because of this.”

“Well, I can tell you he’s an idiot for doing this to you. Can’t believe… Dan… doing this?” By Jove he’d beat the crap out of him and leave him to rot and die for all he cares. “By the way, where is Dan right now?”

“Outstation, with his “business partner” in New York. They must have a great time, walking in Central Park, having hot…”

He cleared his throat loudly. She stopped and looked at him. “Well, I do need a place to sleep. With the weather getting worse, I don’t think I can go back home now.”

“Yeah, you can sleep here. The couch is comfortable enough. In the morning, if the weather turns out good, I’ll follow you back home. I can visit my parents along the way.” His parents lived only 5 miles away from Sal and Dan. He needed to talk to his parents about this grave situation, preferably away from Sal. 

“Nate, can you sit next to me, for the night. I don’t want to be alone. I feel sad when I’m alone, and it makes me feel worse.”

The thought of him cuddling with her on the sofa with her wearing nothing but a bath robe is the thing he doesn’t want to be experiencing right now. He shouldn’t take advantage of her right now, not ever. However, what are friends are for? “Sure, I’ll be here with you all night if you want to.”

“Thank you.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?” He tried to smile an innocent smile, and she smiled too. In his head, this is going the opposite of well, or is this what he wanted all along? Alone, with the woman he loved secretly for god-knows how long.

He held her while she cuddled on him to get some sleep for a full hour, but then, she had this quizzical look on her that made him uncomfortable. Like a confession, or a statement that she’ll be blurting out any second.

“Nate, can I ask you something?”

“Yep, what is it?” He tried to put on that innocent look on her, but he’s so transparent that she can see right through him.

“Well, between us, well…. I don’t know how to say this. Do you have feelings for me?”

Oh God, his worst case scenario has been made true. How to answer this question? Think, Nate, think!

“Feelings? Like friends? Well yes, I do.” Okay, play that innocent card again.

She felt unsatisfied with his answer, and knows that he’s just beating around the bush with her. “No, no. I mean, real feelings. Something more than friends. Affection.” That’ll make him feel trapped.

“Affection? More than friends?” He couldn’t get away from this situation. Only way is to lie straight to her face. “No,no. You’re married. We’re friends. I’m not gonna succumb into an affair, especially with my best friend, married to my other best friend. Well, acquaintance, or fellow.” If he lives that long when they meet face-to-face.

“For a guy who writes romance novels, you are a bad liar. I know. I’ve been reading that book of yours. Quite… adventurous, I’d say.” She suddenly smiled a wicked smile at him.

“You read my book?” Oh damn, she knows that all the female characters are based on her, with fragments of her physical description split to many women in the book. “I thought you don’t read my book. Too soft for a hardy woman like you.”

“Well, I did. I’m a bit curious about the female characters you invented. They all have at least deep, watery blue eyes, with luscious lips and long legs. I can make a hazard guess who you were “borrowing” those features from.”

“My next-door-neighbour?” Oh, nice move, idiot. Your next door neighbour is a 60-year old man who does nothing but cranking up oldies songs and getting drunk and passing out on the porch.

“No, me. You’ve been fantasizing about me, have you? Just admit it. I won’t get angry. I have a husband cheating in New York and I’m not surprised with any revelations that my best friend is actually having sexual fanta-”

“OK,OK. I admit it. I loved you since college. We never parted from each other until my fall from grace in being an author and you marrying Dan.  You never talked to me, texted me, no typing a post on Facebook –“

He rambled on and on until she put her finger on his lips, quieting him, effectively. She sat straight and looked straight to his confused eyes. “Why haven’t you told me about your deep feelings to me?” A simple question to ask, but for Nate, it will be a hell lot of words coming out of his mouth.

“Because I don’t want Dan and me to be rivals. I don’t want our friendship to be broken because we are trying to woo you. I’m being a gentleman here. Dan wanted you more than Life. He always told me that you are the one for him. He’d rather die than see you with another man.”

“You’re a coward, you know that? Being a gentleman, my ass. You should at least put up a fight. You don’t know my feelings until you tell me yours. How dare you think I’m that predictable and think I love Dan with all my heart and soul -“

“What? You mean you don’t love Dan?” Well, this is interesting. Too interesting.

“No, you stupid man. I love you! I’ve made a horrible mistake in marrying a man I don’t love. I thought you were playing with my feelings and I thought you weren’t interested in me. At least Dan showed his feelings towards me. Mostly his feelings, but not mine. I loved you the moment I realized when we were in university.”

Awkward silence stalled the conversation. Nate was so shocked by this revelation. He couldn’t breathe properly after that sentenced was thrown with force towards him. His body felt numb. He couldn’t think straight. He tried to say something back, but he stuttered.

“Stuttering, are we? That made you genuinely shocked.”

“Well… yeah.. I… uhh... – “

“And now, you owe me a kiss.” She grinned with a glint in her eyes.

“Wha-? A what?”

“A kiss. Seriously, have you gone dumb or are you just teasing me? I feel that those years we have lost pursuing the wrong profession and the wrong person, we should try out kissing. You know, if those feelings we have are real or not.”

“Well, if you insist-“

“I insist it very much.”

Then, their faces were level, and he parted his lips and matched it with hers. The fusion of their lips seems incredible. She tasted like fine wine and strawberry, sweet and succulent. His lips plundered her mouth like a conqueror invading a sought out land. She kissed him back, with enthusiasm.  God, how he wished this kiss would last forever, he would die as a happy man, if he is meant to die after this. However, this forbidden love shouldn’t stop here.
He pulled away from the kiss, slowly savouring the taste  in his mouth. While looking at her face, filled with ecstasy and lust.

“Well, my word. That was something, isn’t it?” She felt that her knees would unbuckle and she would fall down the floor, boneless from that kiss.

He felt triumph, bravery flowing through him. He needed to do something bold, like tear that robe off and make love with her on the spot, but planning is important in making this unity much, much more pleasurable and wicked and fun.

He scooped her off the sofa, carrying her like she was weightless and kissed her more until he felt that feeling of lust kicking in his system.

“My, getting bold are we? And where are you going, carrying me like this? To an empty library, or on a darkened terrace, my lord?” She emphasized “my lord” with such a naughty, husky voice. She was re-enacting a scene in his books where the main character carried one of his lovers to an empty library and made love of the sofa.

Oh, God, he couldn't stand this teasing anymore.  He’d better make this quick, or he’ll collapse from sheer ecstasy of her voice. “Well, I don’t have a library, and there is a balcony upstairs, but I don’t want to shock the neighbours with you screaming, pleading, for me to service you quite thoroughly. A bed will do, my lady.” He didn’t know what this feeling is, even after sleeping with countless women in the past, this is different, but it was a hell lot better than being alone and bitter.

“Well, shall we go to the bed then?” She rubbed his strong chest, circling it with her fingers.
Damn, here it goes. “Yes, and I will have my way with you, underneath me, screaming out my name, on my bed. Multiple times.”

“How exciting and scandalous of you. To make love with a married woman who just found out about his husband’s infidelity. You can write a story out of this.”

He smiled wolfishly. A great story indeed. His muse has come back to him after months abandoning him. But first…

 He carried her to the bedroom, he kissed her deeply as a confirmation that this is real and not some dream he is having many times alone in his bedroom. Tonight will be a special night for him and the weather can’t make it any worse, as he is with the woman she loved, ready and wanting for him to make wild, passionate love…

Friday, 6 November 2015

I Came Back From The Dead... To Type This Blog Post!

If you're reading this, stop, don't panic, it's me, Rizal. I know I've been out for months in here. Deep breaths, breathe in.... breathe out...

Okay, hey readers! I'm back! Typing is such a drag actually, but sometimes it's better off typing in my thoughts rather than saying it in the podcast. Oh hey, in case you didn't know, I have 24 episodes uploaded on Soundcloud! Rambling Monkeys Podcast is booming. People are listening to it every week and I get to meet awesome people along the way.

You see, I've been working for almost, what, more than 2 years now? I haven't had a decent days off or vacation to relax and contemplate about my life. Going back to meeting new people, it's cool to meet them, but sometimes, I've been so out of touch with reality, when I meet real people to talk too, I don't want them to go away or leave, and at the same time, I just wanted them to just stand there, but not talk to me. It's confusing, I want someone there but not talk to me. Even I confuse myself with this train of thought.

Meeting new people from the podcast, I get to see how they think, how they response, how they articulate their words, their emotions towards a topic, their body language. I just can't seem to stop analyzing and making people uncomfortable with me staring straight at them when I talk. If looks could kill, I'd get my ass thrown in jail and the key melted so I'll be locked in a delusional cell forever.

I love the interaction of people, something we take for granted, Maybe, maybe you guys meet your friends everyday. I don't. I sometimes don't meet anyone at all, except my colleagues and family members. Also, social media (I'm a Twitter junkie, and screw off Facebook!) isn't helping. I need people right in front of me, existing in front of me. Talking to me. Ask anyone that has met me. I can go on for hours, changing topics to other topics to gossiping to politics to pop culture to jokes, yada yada yada... THAT'S ME.

That's just me. I think we are losing the fundamental thing in communication which is face-to-face communication. You listen to their tone, serious, happy, sad, sarcastic, angry, etc. instead of using emoticons, emojis or dots and lines ;-[ (Yeah, I'm looking like this when I'm typing this). It's like I'm being given some shitty, cloned medicine just to get by, day by day. However, that loneliness and that fear of abandonment and being ignored has been successfully eradicated from my brain. Well, not really gone gone, but at least it's not there to control my thoughts and deteriorate my mental state.

I miss my Uni days, Masters, not degree, didn't enjoy my degree days one bit (too many dramas and shit to do just to survive 3 years). I will always have someone to sit with me, eat with me and tak about almost anything I can elaborate or give opinions about. That was the peak of my life, I was losing weight because I was happy. I had spare time to even run on the treadmill 2 times per day!

Now, stress from work, paying my parents, bills and then gas money, Touch N' Go needs to be topped up... I feel tired every night. I wanna go out on a vacation, but I dunno where or who to go with. The happiness of being a working adult is a fantasy. There's nothing fun about being an adult. Freedom is not served on a platter because you are an adult, it is actually tied to responsibilities, acting civil all the time, watch what you say in social media, pay taxes, etc. It's suppressing my creative juice. I tried my very best to be creative, to write a poem. One God damn poem. I failed. Miserably. Even with the podcast, still, I am in a standstill, pushing a boulder uphill, feeling relaxed when it hits a flat side of a surface, but you know you have to push it again to go to the next flat surface of the hill.

Maybe dreading is also killing my vibe ( or mojo, whatever kids call it nowadays). I have become a bit of a pessimist. A cynic that sees the world as a selfish machine running in hate fuel, RON92 type of fuel. No, RON88 EURO1, dirtier than the fuel that we use now. We are driven by self promotion, yearning for other people's acceptance and people taking notice about our existence and credibility as a functioning society of the new, millennial generation. All I wanted, is just people talking to me, doesn't matter who. Talk about something we both like. Looking at me, I'm an omnivore when in comes to knowledge. I consume everything. As long as it is something useful and interesting, I'd totally be all over it.

Just think about it, a life where our mouths are just used for eating, but not talking, because we freakin' talk in social media. We might as well sign up as a handicapped person, a mute. There's something about the voice and the vibration in the right decibel of someone dropping knowledge about anything, makes me feel calm and relax. I smile and appreciate their energy in telling their thoughts, opinions, or rants. I don't care, I don't discriminate. I listen to everything, I may disagree with what you said but at least it is SPOKEN. I admire people like that. Wish I could be that person one day. Not as a teacher, but the bearer of new found information or knowledge to make our lives better.

For now, I jack off to Naughty Allie and read 1984 when I have the time. Most of the time I'm playing video games. Another stress reliever, but without communication. This is an exception. I enjoy playing games,but wish I could talk about it with my family though. Hey, Fallout 4 will be released next week. Pre-ordered the Pip Boy Edition baby! I'm gonna wear that over-sized smart watch to work. Hahaha! ALL ABOARD THE HYPE TRAIN!

On the other hand, maybe I need to get married. Maybe. I'm not sure. Dunno if I'm ready. Maybe I'm just horny. Maybe I need to find another word for maybe to stop the over usage of maybes in this post.

Alright, wanted to talk some more, but I am at my limits before the writer block smashes my hands, turning me into an invalid. Brain also woozy after 5 days of work. Yeah, before I go, check out my Podcast: Rambling Monkeys Podcast, where I post episodes talking with guests and we talk about random things and I got to interview Rizal van Geyzel! I was a nervous wreck but I persevered and passed the interview with flying colours. Like it on Facebook, baby: RMP Facebook Page and follow the podcast on Twitter too, darling: @RamblingMonkeys. Be a good Samaritan and Like, Follow and Listen to the episode. If you like it, tell your friends and family about it. Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

See ya next time (I hope you will be more consistent in here Rizal. Don't abandon your blog, mmmkay?) and remember, in every cynic, deep down there is a disappointed idealist. Goodbye and have a good day!

-Raziel Rizalinium-

Monday, 6 April 2015

Day 5: 1 Wedding and Shopping for Stuffs I Kinda Need

Phew, today is tiring day. From my house, my parents and I went to a wedding in Lenggeng, Negeri Sembilan. I told my dad that I really wanted to buy the shoes he bought in Takasima. So, from Lenggeng, we went to Mines and lo and behold, I bought a pair of shoes that is originally RM179 for RM39.90. What a bargain.

I also bought face wash and deodorant cuz I stink so bad without it. Kinda wish I could not like sweat so bad even in warm weather. Alright, here's what I really wanna talk about. I went to Yamaha, you know, the music store and saw the sweet Yamaha acoustic blue guitar. The price tag was RM330. I was so tempted to buy it but well... I'm not good at restringing  guitars. I dunno when to pick it up cuz tomorrow's Monday and I really don't have the time to come here during weekdays. So, I promise myself to buy it when it's pay day, usually at the end of the month. I will buy that sweet blue guitar.

As I was imagining myself playing a song with that guitar, reality popped that sweet dream like a douchebag. I just remembered that I need to pay my telephone bill. Thank God I remembered cuz my data is still locked to slow speed until I pay. So I went to Maxis and paid my bill. Had to go to the ATM to withdraw money cuz I had nothing in my wallet. Zilch after paying the bill. I only withdrew just enough to get by for the week.

After going to Mines, we went to Bangi Gateway, mom wanted to send a baju kurung to get it altered or something, I dunno. I excused myself to go to MPH and browse books there. There's a high chance I will go out with a book in my hand and yeah, I bought a book.

It's called How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's high time that I need to act like an adult and learn how to be diplomatic and influence other people. I mean, I'm going to be a PTD, these things are like, mid day snacks to them. I need to prepare myself to learn about office politics, cuz where I'm working, it's a totally  different ball game.

The day's not finished yet! After Bangi Gateway, the last stop was Pizza Hut in Bandar Seri Putra. Mom bought 2 pan pizza and then we went back home at had dinner. Pizza dinner on a Sunday night.

By the way, forgot to tell you guys, Man chester United won the game against Aston Villa. Entertaining match, Herrera did great! Can't wait for the Manchester derby after this. Fuh!

Yeap, that's my Sunday, lots of going out and buy stuff and I continued playing Bloodborne for about an hour to defeat Vicar Amelia. I defeated her on my first try. So proud of myself. LOL

Thanks for reading this far. Hoping my Monday isn't that Blue but a bright colour of Gold. Can't wait to get that PTM letter and settle it once and for all!

Bubbye peeps! See you tomorrow!

Day 4: Bloodborne Saturday and a Meet Up With A Girl

This Saturday should be renamed as Bloodborneday, cuz everyone's playing the damn game and sharing pictures on Twitter.

I'm so focused in grinding levels and upgrading my weapons I forgot to share the pics to brag on how I'm progressing faster than everyone else. However, I stopped playing in a bit in the morning cuz I have  to go to Mid Valley to have breakfast with my family. My sister wanted to change money, she's going to Netherlands and Italy. I'm envy her. Wish I could follow her alongside with my brother-in-law and my nephew.

Put Envy aside, I met with a fellow gamer and friend I met during TwtupGamersMY. Liyana's her name. She's a cool girl, a it on the shy side, and it was her first time going to Mid Valley. She's browsing and surveying for a Nintendo 3DS XL. I say, the prices are crazy high, I bought mine for RM720 with Mario Kart 7 in it at Low Yat. That was back in 2013.

I tried to persuade her in doing an episode for the podcast, but she seems reluctant. It's her choice, I'm just giving her a chance to like, have fun, talk and record the conversation. Maybe she is shy. I dunno, she's really got potential in being a good conversationalist.

It was a brief meet up cuz I had to go back home, mainly because my mom wanted to go to Mines after that. I said my goodbye and we parted. When I touched down at mi casa, I was lazy to go out again. So, I excused myself and played Bloodborne like heck. 6 hours straight! BOOYAH!

Man, I killed 4 bosses, Undead Giant, The Watchers, Watchdog of the Old Lords and Blood Starved Beast. I was exhausted after that. I died a lot fighting the Watchdog, stupid fire dog. Bitch, Well, now I can go full throttle playing Bloodborne. I'm not planning to go to NG+ first. I'll save that when I'm really mentally ready to go that far.

So yeah, that's it for today. I hope you guys are having a great Saturday. Will do try to be consistent in finishing B.E.D.A until the 30th day. C'mon Rizal, you can do it! It's the 4th day already! 26 more days to go.

Thanks for reading, bubbye!

Today's pic of the day is:

I wanna play this games with girls. Hmmm.. what's she doing going down on all 4 in front of him? Hahaha!