Break Ups and Moving On.

I would like start this entry, just to ask this question: Have you ever been in love before? If you do, or you are still in love, great. However, for those who have felt break ups, this will be my story, and some of my point of views on break ups. This won't be that hard to understand, just read it carefully though.


When you're in love, the feeling of being loved and cared for just oozes in and out of you. making you feel like, this girl actually acknowledges my capability to lead a relationship and protect her from any harm. Yeah, you go bragadocious to your friends and all, but when you see for real, it is not something to be bragged and make you arrogant, showing of some chick beside you that you love her, but it goes deeper than that. There are people who can't differentiate between a fling and a real relationship.


What's the difference? Well, it's how you feel for her. You love her more than just looks, more than sexual attraction, you love her for what she is, how she is, and what makes her attractive to you in the first place. You respect her privacy, her status as a respected human female with religion, embracing her as a human female that tries to improve herself in this relationship. THAT is how I perceive it as TRUE LOVE to a woman.


BUT~~ yeah, things got messed up, being too jealous, too close for comfort, being too nosy, too protective and possessive. Somehow, you get bored out of the relationship, that spark dies slowly and fade away. You just can't see it as a future for you to be together, having a family, having children, it just seems not right. That's when you just feel like you want to be out of the relationship, because of seeing no prospect of that relationship. Breaking up, telling her the news is devastating.


For me; tears, sobbing, moaning, crouching at the corner of a room, cupping her face with her hands, even lying on the ground, I've seen  em' all. It's just sad and sometimes pathetic to see how they handle break ups. Some girls do have their heads held high and I salute you to that, but I see some who can't take it well. After you break the news, you just feel so miserable,like crap. You just made someone you love so much to just another stranger in life, or maybe worse, listed in her official shit list. However, the most difficult process in break ups is this....


MOVING ON.


The time of moving on, making amends of the lost you just had so precious, you feel empty inside. You feel scared, angry and maybe just disappointed with yourself, thinking why didn't it go right. The only thing I always comfort my self is that God will make you find another girl who is better than the last. Yeah, up until this day, I do have more matured and educated girls in my past relationships. 


However, not all of them are perfect. One of em' is a gold digger, and boy that threw me off the ground. Dating was such a scare for me, I just don't wanna go out that often, but love makes you stupid sometimes, either stupid but careful or stupid and going stupider. I held on, let her feel being indulged, happy that she feels being with me, she is loved by someone who is loving and can take care of her. Well, I just can't take it no more, I broke it up. BADLY.


Suffice to say, it went nuts, curses flying, shouting, and all the shenanigans happened. One feisty bitch I would say. In the end, I just walked away, leaving her alone. Until now, I never spoke to her, not even a call or SMS, or anyhting that has to do with communication. However I would like to tell you a story of the girl before her. There my be some overlapping with the story above, so bear with me. The one that I loved deeply, truly. 


Here it goes:


I had a girlfriend. A very loyal, trusting, loving girlfriend in the past. Then, came another girl, pouring her heart out, crying her eyes out on me, telling me how she broke up and can’t stand the pain of living, bla bla boo fucking hoo. So, I was young, rash and hormonally imbalance, and a becoming scoundrel, I flirted with her, telling her the guy was a fool for letting her go. I courted her. Then, she became my secret lover, without telling my other girlfriend. So, I got confused, regretting what I did, I stupidly broke up with my trusting, loving, loyal girlfriend and ran off with the other one. She was broken-hearted. Couldn’t do anything. I truly loved her, she was really dear to me. 


We could’ve gone far with each other. Several months later, after falling from a higher ground with bone-crunching sound effect, a boulder followed on and crushing me underneath it. Metaphorically. Turns out the girl I’ve been dating, is a BEEYOTCH. A whiny one too. She only looks at me for money. I was too blind to see what has happened, lost everything in this so called relationship. My ex girlfriend found another man, I broke up with the current one, with anger and over the top shouting match ensued, I was thinking of bitch slapping her.


Then, I MOVED ON with my Life.


That happened on the month of October, actually this 15th will mark 1 year of the break up. Yeah, I'm pathetic, am I? So, moving on sucks actually. But it teaches you to be a strong person. A saying I found said:


"Those who suffer the most will be the happiest in the end."


It's like a journey, first you are in a heavenly dream, but in the end you wake in a nightmare. You become so critical to the opposite sex, you become phobic with love and relationship and commitment. I am trying hard to overcome this problem, because I still want to love, to feel that feeling of caring, that special feeling of love, and sharing it with a woman that also answers the love you give.The problem with me is maintaining it. I just need to learn from the past, to make it interesting all the way.


So, that's it, I guess. Kinda bummed out when you remember the dates you broke up and reliving the memories of it. It's like a broken record playing it in repeat forever. But hey, they taught me good stuff about girls. That's what I want to say. If I wanna say more, I might as well write a book on each of my relationships and get money out of it. Hehehe...


Sayonara to all of you, and think this: Every human has a chance to love. You just need to find it diligently, and pray to God that you will find the One that will LOVE YOU FOREVER. Remember that, God is with you, no matter what shits and stones broke your pride or ego, God is with you Forever. Before I end this, I just need to type this down, I typed this to my friend , like an advise to him about love:

"Love is a strange thing. It can be a cure, it can be a disease. It can make you happy when you have it, but when you lose, it rips chunks of your heart when it is gone, because it is stuck for a long time because you are so accustomed to it."

So, that's it, see you next time readers. It is a bit long, but I hope you read it till this line. Goodbye and wassalam.