What My Heart and My Brain Want Are Different. Choose Wisely.

Well, dear readers. I'm at the crossroads of my life. I just got an e-mail to take an exam for the Administrative and Diplomatic Officer M41 this Saturday. I took that damn exam 3 times, 3 years in a row and failed all of them. Really. I got this job as an Environmental Control Officer last year around March and thought to myself "NEVER AGAIN". I was thinking this is my calling, working in the Department of Environment and that's it. No diversion, work, save money, have fun and get married.

However, there's an inkling in my heart, brain and soul that says that I should give it a try and do it. I might have a chance in acing this year's exam. Go to the interview, ace that one and if I pass, I will go for the 1-year Diploma and Master in Public Administration.

What makes me feel 50-50 about this is because I've invested my life and energy being in this Department. I feel comfortable, I've already made friends, know who's who and actually be someone here. However, I feel that there's a SILENT CALLING. I dunno, tells me to rethink about my life, about my career. About how I should spend my working life until 60 years old.

Maybe I need to sit down, calm down, chill, pray to God, see for myself if this move is the best or not. I know I'm thinking too advanced, you readers are thinking, "You haven't done the exam yet, Rizal. You failed 3 times before, what makes you think you're gonna excel this one?" Yeah, I'm a loser, I didn't pass the written exam. 3 times. Three. Tres. Troix. Tiga kali gagal. My friends aced it once and got to the interview but didn't pass the interview.

Y'know, life is full of surprises, if you wipe out the shit at the side. You can get a vague guess what will happen in the future. My parents, especially my dad has high hopes for me to become an Administrative and Diplomatic Officer. He was one, served almost 35 years before retiring. My sister and my brother-in-law are also Administrative and Diplomatic Officers. My sister was a Science Officer for 4 years before she changed jobs.

They way they employ this time is different, They really drill you for a year, to see if you're worthy or not to become one. When you excel, you will get the job. If you don't you gonna get kicked out, wasting a year of your life. That point is risky, cuz I haven't confirmed my post yet, meaning, letting go this job to go the course, meaning I will be unemployed and have to really work hard to get in. If not, I'll lose my old job. Dangerous, innit?

Yep, dunno how, but I hope I can retain my old job while going for the course, if I pass the course, then it'll be just changing jobs like my sister did years ago. I'm just like my sister in this situation. She didn't have high hopes to pass the exam, interview and all, but lo and behold, she became one. I feel like I'm going through that phase too. Not getting high hopes to become an ADO officer, but there's an inkling that I really want it, ever since I graduated from my Uni.

The inner struggle, the other half says, "You're already safe here in DOE, stay, you might be someone in here in the future" and the other half saying "You wanted to become an ADO when you were a kid. 3 failed attempts won't bring you down, Go for it, again!".

Maybe I'll just do it. I'll see where it brings me. This is just my inner rant. Jobs are hard to come by and I'm flirting with career death in changing jobs like this. Like watching a drunk person walking near a steep cliff, you never know if he'll walk away or fall to his death.

Well, TAKE THE EXAM FIRST RIZAL. IF YOU PASS, THEN WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS. IF YOU DON'T, THEN YOU'RE DUMB AND SHOULD HIT YOUR HEAD AGAINST A RANDOM GIRL'S CHEST.

Hope you readers aren't bored about what's in my mind. I just need to get it out of my head. We'll see, God knows what's best for me. I just pray and act on it. I'll be buying the PS4 on November. I am gonna buy inFamous Second Son, Shadow of Mordor, Far Cry 4, Assassin's Creed Unity and Dragon Age Inquistion. I can't be left behind when it comes to games! I need new games! Destiny's great when you play with friends, but going solo, it's repetitive just like my life. I need to get out of Malaysia and travel.

Well, so long readers, see you next time, maybe 2016, when I will get married or some interesting shit happens, I'll keep you readers up to date about my mundane life. Don't be boring like me, do some crazy stuff, you will remember it forever. Peace.