What I Fear...

This Rizalinium speaking. I shall talk about a woman. A woman that I thought as worthy of my love but I feel that she is not worth a damn. A beautiful face is not a sure thing to make a happy couple but a deathwish. Her characteristics and traits are the most important thing for me. She must at least think like me, have at least some same hobbies like I do. The nearest things near to me are Gothic Girls. Shame… Hate to hear people say I told you so, but I think it is the Life of the people itself. You can’t be choosy and take what’s given in front of you. I can’t . I was  given a chance of a lifetime with this great woman, and I blew it. It’s not that I don’t like her. I just found out that I AM choosy. Any flaws and I will reject it. It’s hard to shed this trait and I think if this goes on longer, I’ll end up as a bujang  terlajak. If only I become more willing to accept than to criticize others, then I will not have this problem. I can’t stand watching those who are in love, only to break their Love one’s hearts. Here I am, having troubles finding a right girl, and then there’s you, those who change every week like a washed away towel. Perfectionism is also a plague in our mind. A disease called Rejection, a pandemic worse than H1N1.The attack on the mind is more dangerous, especially in massive numbers. A mass mind rape, as I like to call it. Those who control the mind of the weak, making them do bad things. Just like being in Love. There’s a fine line between Love and Hate. Not a silver line, not a gold line, but a wet thread, hanging in between the two of them. Like smoking, Love applies perfectly to it. You swear that You’ll stop Loving someone else ( Stop Smoking), but you’ll just continue anyway, not caring about what happens and your promise will forever be forgotten ( You swear you wanna stop smoking, but you can’t live without it,right?). Or drugs, same same. It’s that fear of commitment that drives you away from a relationship. You just want to get the Hell away from this Highway of Hell before you crash and burn. That’s all in the mind, the thing is that people look at it as lovely and peaceful, but for me, it is scary. You imagine as a relationship is a two people thing. However, who’ll fell the pressure to bring up the relationship to a whole new level. Who will ease the burden and who is the driver, the engineer in making the marriage work? I Can’t see me as a responsible person like that. The only way is for me to buck up, be a man and take responsibilities of my own straight, then to other people. That’s why I have the commitment fear. Say what ever you want, it’s the truth. It’s highly dangerous to me to be involve in a hitherto action of love, just to end up hurting her. I wanted her, I adore her, I fantasized about her, I dreamt of her. Only in my imagination I guess.  Dream…. Dream, dream, dream…. Whenever I want you, all I have to do, is dream… Hahaha, enough singing.  My pet peeve of the day in relationship, is discipline. Yes you think dating is fun. However, there’s a way to make it a successful date than a failure. Planning is the most important thing to do. What to wear, what you need to say, what gifts to give her, is important. You think that love is just another word, but actually in runs deep,deep inside you. It takes two to make a thing go right. I just need to rest, I guess. I need YOU…It’s only love and that is all, but why should I feel the way I do? Hehe, OK, I’ll stop with the singing.People in love should be fair to each other, regardless of what their gender is. You, think that Men wants to look tough, but we cry too. Biologically, we are almost the same. We are the same human species that lives on earth. Why do we need to differentiate it more? Why, in Gods name should we have a different view  on love? You think that this is crazy, but no. It is the truth. We are the same, only it is in our mind that thinks that it is different. We love the same thing, we love human beings. It’s not weird, it is normal. Opposites attract means nothing anymore. Other peoples flaw is just someone else’s turn on. You don’t need the beauty of it, but the life that makes it worthwhile. You’ll die alone, facing god alone, the angels alone. The devil alone. It’s you who makes the choices, how you make t good or bad. This is not a game, where every screw up you can load back. When the pain is done, it’s done. You will suffer permanently. The girl somehow has become a distant memory that I want to forget. I don’t need it right now. All I need is just myself and my thinking brain. That’s it. I just want to run away from the problems related to me. Just back off. Go to Hell with those people downing me. We will suffer losses and rejection, but eventually it makes us mature in making us live the life of an imperfect human. Only you can make the choices in your life, not others. You can make it better, worse or boring. I’ll just back off for you to read this and think carefully those who are in a relationship. Is he/she the one? Are you willing to sacrifice everything to him/her? Are you willing to give your body, for the sake of love and love it is? I want you to think it through. Mistakes always have the knack to find a loophole in every nook and cranny of all things with flaws. Choose wisely. Goodbye and wassalam.